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Embrassed

Posted , 4 users are following.

Brittney20
Brittney20

I am a lost soul right. Im not sure where i should be in this world. Im a 20 year old female who doesnt know where her life is going to go. Im afraid to go outside. I get so paranoid and anxious that i be ready to run back inside. I feel like i wasn't mentally prepared for life and all the hard ships * read my last discussion for more details * i constantly put myself down even when my friends tell me im pretty. I just dont think they would ever understand the pain i have inside. Im so afraid for people to see me broken. I dont want a pity party or the negative comments say she just wants attention because attention is far from what i like. Im more of a turtle. I feel like the disappointment in the family being the only girl. I get so much heat put on my back. My family is soooooo dysfunctional its sad. It makes me so sad because i seen these famlies that no matter what stick together and stay strong together but mines is a hot mess and i feel like its way to late for it to be fixed. I always felt like i didnt belong in this family. But its like where do you go or who you turn to when you have nobody?

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • mvwaugh
    mvwaugh Brittney20

    Posted

    I think it sounds as if you could do with some professional help. Have you contacted your GP? That might be the best place to start if you haven't. Are you in work or college? If college they usually have counsellors who can help. It isn't easy to go and ask for help but it is,a first step. Maggie
    • Brittney20
      Brittney20 mvwaugh

      Posted

      I just started to see a psychiatrist but we only met one time so far. I have an appointment with him again tomorrow. So were still in the beginning stage of getting to know each other. As far as work and college i just recently quit my job and dropped out of college because my anxeity and social fear grew really bad to the point i couldnt function. I dont go outside anymore unless its really important. I stopped speaking to my friends and some family because im embrassed of how much of a loser i am.
    • mvwaugh
      mvwaugh Brittney20

      Posted

      Sorry to hear that you have dropped out of college but glad that you are having help from a psychiatrist. This may well be the key to getting more control of your life. I am hoping that you were able to tell the college that it was because of your anxiety that you couldn't continue with the course. If you did they may well allow back when things areca bit easier. I am in my 70s now, from your perspective terribly old, I also found I couldn't cope with college when aI was 21 but struggled through with help from a professional councillor. I have brought up a family quite well but got brought down again by anxiety earlier this year when I didn't get better as quickly as I thoughtvIvshouldbfrom an operation BUT with the aid of medication and talking therapy I feel well on the way to being back to a good place. It is very difficult to believe this will ever happen when you are really down but it can. One thing I always have thought which can help is to give yourself a very small challenge every day and praise yourself for achieving it. Ultimately it is our own estimation of self worth which needs to be built up. I hope that this. May help just a little. Maggie
  • deirdre._03652
    deirdre._03652 Brittney20

    Posted

    Dear Brittany, please don't feel that way, you are in no way a failure....I hope that you get very good, and understanding help from your psychiatrist...also, my lovely you are not alone....I have a son 32yrs old who is exactly the SAME....he has not left the house for 3yrs...he will not even open the curtains....in fact his twin brother and also his older brother have very severe anxiety problems also...

    You should find that an antidepressants and anti anxiety medication can help you tremendously...also counselling helps....don't lose hope or think in any way !!! That you are worth less than anybody else....very many people who appear to be very confident..are quite often the opposite....I know that it is difficult ( I was the same at one point. ) but it can get better and better....I tend to think when I am out, if I feel a little out of place, it doesn't matter as I will probably never, ever see them again....

    Be very honest with your psychiatrist just how much !! It is affecting your life..it really, really can get better...big warm hugs to you lovely.....Deirdre xxx

  • fee25
    fee25 Brittney20

    Posted

    I feel like this post could have been written by me! 

    I know exactly how you are feeling Brittney, I really do. It's so hard, so crushing, so tiring! 

    I hate going outside and leave the house as little as possible, I got to a point where I was so anxious about life that my whole body tremored to excess, I couldn't even walk, eat, drink - it was impossible to even take my blood pressure because I would shake so violently. I was put on Beta Blockers (120mg daily of Propanolol) for this and though it doesn't help with the anxiety itself it does make your body feel physically calmer as it blocks your adrenaline. It doesn't affect your mind or anything like that so, it may be worth looking into. Are you on any anti-depressants at the moment also? 

    I don't really have much advice as I'm in a similar position to yourself and not getting very far but, keep going with therapy - it does help and know that you are not alone. If you ever need support or to vent or anything, this forum is the best place for it. 

    Good luck xx

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