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I posted a few days back about how I bad I was feeling and the s****y time I was having, which I went to the Emergency Room for once again. I don't have insurance or a primary care doctor so the E.R is my only option right now but anyway...I HATE going!!! Unfortunately I have been in my local E.R. enough that most of the doctors and nurses have seen me at least once if not a few times and thankfully for the most part they are great BUT some are not so great. I always have my own issues and insecurities about going back and about how they are going to just chalk it up to me being crazy or a drug seeker or whatever you want to call it. So I do my very best to stay away as long as I can. This week I haven't been so lucky...twice in 4 days...uggg!!! And if I'm honest I really feel like I should be there now!!! I have been having horrible chest, back, and epigastric pain and diarhhea w/ rectal bleeding off and on forever now and it just seems to keep getting worse. I am super focused on it right now because my heart rate and blood pressure are super low for me anyway. I can't seem to stop fixating on it because of my physical symptoms. They did blood work and a chest x-ray the first visit and said everything looked fine so they sent me home. Now mind you I was still in pain the whole time and went home still in pain as well. Once again they said they don't know what it is but gave me a few options, mainly stomach related. And then 3 days later I was back again, the pain did not get any better during those days, it actually got worse. I started having sharp tearing pains in my belly as well as a lot of pressure in my epigastric region, so much so that it went through to my back and felt like my spine was being pushed out of my back from the pressure I'm assuming. So I went back, they ran more blood tests and did a CT scan of my abdomen and pelvis. The doctor came and told me everything looked great...like always!!! So why do I feel like I'm dying all the time, why do I feel like I have one of those little aliens inside me just waiting to bust out at any second all the while clawing up my insides??? This doctor said maybe I had IBS or chostochondritis but she of course didn't really know either. That I need to follow up with a GI doctor and a cardiologist and a primary doctor...all things I cannot afford to do so I go around and around and around with this. Living in this nightmare called my life. I feel like a prisoner in my own body and am constantly scared that they are missing something. That they just have to be missing something. I have been diagnosed with GERD/acid reflux, a sliding hiatal hernia, pernicious anemia, and I had my gallbladder yanked out in the early 2000s. I have been diagnosed with anxiety, I have been treated for anxiety, I have been in and out of therapy and off and on meds for over 20 years. I have NEVER been rid of these pains and horrible symptoms, NEVER. I have gone through times where I felt okay, just okay enough to basically grin and bear it and not go running to the E.R. for a hot minute but never "normal" or not in pain. As I sit here typing this my chest hurts, I feel horrible, and I want to just peel my own skin off and walk out of my body but that isn't how this works. I have to stay, stuck in this hell, in this nightmare I can't wake up from. I am writing this more for myself, to get it out, because I know there is nothing anyone here can do for me realistically. I'm just having a melt down at the moment because I am sick and tired of being sick and tired and not knowing what is really going on and what is really going on with my body. I have been told multiple times what it is NOT and given thousands of guesses as to what it could be but never ever gotten relief. I have been told I might have chostochondritis, fibromyalgia, a questionable thyroid (but not enough to treat), possible IBS. I have been seen by all kinds of specialists multiple times, been scoped up and down 3 times and even had a heart cath in 2012. All normal...well that is awesome but I am still in pain on a daily basis...so knowing what isn't wrong doesn't help me one bit. UGGG!!!
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