Emetophobia - The devil in winter

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For those who don't know about this phobia - please google it.

In brief summary, it is a fear of anything to do with sickness/vomit. I unfortunately struggle majorly with the fear of nausea/myself being sick rather than others being unwell.

Well todays the first day I've felt a bit...off for a long long time. I havent thrown up since 2002 (I am 28 now) and everyday it is at the back of my mind.. I am going through some PMS today and, to be fair, I've managed to eat a big pastry for lunch but dinner is soon as I'm feeling so scared to eat as I'm not starving. I currently weigh around half a stone lower than my minimum "healthy" weight and people think I'm anorexic. I spiralled in 2015 after my ex partner got a bug and despite not catching it, I lost around 20 pounds within 2 or 3 months and ended up in hospital due to starving myself incase I got sick.

I go up & down. 2017 I started eating more, gaining weight, flying (something else that triggers the phobia) but..unfortunately I got very unwell with a nasty bug on Christmas day 2017 (joy haha). I didnt throw up but, it left me with a horrific condition which has since been defined as IBD. Obviously this really hasnt helped but, over the past 2 years I realised stress was the main thing causing my other stomach illness. I dont get sick with my IBD just terrible cramps sometimes. But since this bug I was highly triggered and havent gone past 8stone in weight (I should be 8.5 stone at LEAST).

I am worried about myself. I want a baby one day and also not to seem like a maniac when others are sick but I cant find the refined help. At all.

If anyone knows anyone who is carrying out therapy please let me know.

Also - happy Autumn haha

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