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emotional abuse ?

Posted , 4 users are following.

sara89022
sara89022

Hi all, I've lived with my partner for 4 years now and he has a very quick temper. he has ocd like habits and I believe gets quite anxious though he doesn't like to let on. anyway it's me that suffers.. he shouts at night .. calls me nasty nasty things when I've done nothing but turn over in bed/go to the toilet. yells at me a lot normally just for little things in the day.. he's recently called down with the insults cos I've kept on and on but literally just now I woke to go to the loo, he got up and said he's sleeping downstairs.. wasn't horrible really but refused to kiss.me.good night and went down there but then started shouting loads cos the dog jumped on the bed..telling me to go to bed.. I was in it! he also drinks and although he has cut down a lot I believe this doesn't help his.mood rolleyes I'm stuck between whether to keep on trying with him or give up and let go.

3 likes, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • cindy80253
    cindy80253 sara89022

    Posted

    I personal went through hell with my ex. It became a life and death situation. It started out just like what your going through now. It's a bit early in your relationship however for you to be sleeping on the couch. I'm sorry to say this to you but it doesn't sound like a very loving or romantic relation ship, in fact it sounds like a one way relationship like mine was. His temper should have been a red flag for me, he got angry at even the little things in life and never compromised with me. So later in life when we had real stressful situations which happens in life normally it got very ugly for me. My dad was very worried for my safety but didn't let on til it was to late. I should have ended it many years earlier but we were kind of co-depended and I was so busy with work and doing everything for him plus because of the job I had I didn't want to open a can of worms. I ended up terrified of him and I thought I could end the relationship without anyone knowing about it by sucking up to him and giving him anything he wanted plus staying friends with him. I could handle abuse cause I have alway's dealt with it over the years, it was the mental abuse that finally broke me many times. The cat got out of the bag everyone knew everything and in time I lost my job,my home,my health,mental health, and everything I owed. It's been x16 years and I'm some what better but keep getting harassed so I can't forget ever.I have permanent brain damage and have been treated like a complete mental case for many years because of it. So I hope this helps you look at him in every possible way and ask yourself does this guy love me enough and will he take care of me in good and bad. Also it could become physical. I'm not trying to scare you just open your eyes, he might be just fine. A man should love you and protect you and help out with everything and not disrespect you or insult you and drinking is not an excuse ever!. His issues are not your problem, you should never have to walk on egg shells in your own home or in the middle of the night. We have Doctors with meds for him and that's his issue to deal with if he loves you. I went through this also. Let me know if I can offer any more help, I have been through years of it

    • sara89022
      sara89022 cindy80253

      Posted

      Hi, thank you so much for your honest reply. I'm so sorry that you suffered a brain injury from him its so sad that we let these things go this far. I completely understand where you are coming from. Sounds like were in a simular boat. I'm a student at the moment but also work for the NHS and want nothing to jeaopodise my career. I apologise for my spelling on here! 

      It's just so confusing as Im sure you felt too sad Today after the episode last night he did come up in the morning and was nice (for him). he says he cant help getting mad when hes tired :$ (I dont believe that). Then he was actually nice all day. I have a broken foot at the moment and hes been patient which is crazy for him so its like he tries..but it never lasts. My foots in a cast and its freezing at the mo and i was getting paranoid cos toes looked a funny colour. he had gone to walk the dogs (another thing hes actually making effort with recently) and i turned up the heating and did some exercises to try and get blood flow going. Anyway he comes in mid exercise and gets mad ive turned up the heating..bellows "are you having a lift to the hospital before i start drinking"... i said i don't know..as was panicking a bit still... he then calls me a LAZY B***H. and sits to drink his beer. Horrible nasty alcoholic sad He cant be consistantly nice...was yours the same I guess? 

      We've tried joint councelling...he wouldn't go anymore after he was particularly nasty one night and knew I would bring it up... he used to be much worse than the behaviour above..id be called "thick as s**t" ,"scrounger as I'm doing an NHS funded course!!" "c***", "the worst girlfriend he has ever had" etc etc. Sometimes he admits he has issues but that never lasts...it always reverts back to it not being him. I'm getting mad as I write this...why do I stay?!? It's just that I think...ooh he has improved on how he acts so I feel I'm getting somewhere?!?  but then someone else I spoke to said he is just changing his tactics. I think it is just so hard for me to believe that anyone can actually be like he is! 

      I think I was the same as you, work etc gets in the way..i was constantly doing uni work or at work or placement or the gym...definitely not lazy as he says, and that all gets in the way and distracts you doesn't it, so you just carry on rolleyes now I have this broken foot I feel like I'm stuck as I kind of need someone there... but I guess you are  never stuck its a choice you make..

      I'm so so sorry that you are still getting torment from what happened to you, that is so unfair. This is what they do isnt it... provide you with enough mental abuse that you snap and then you're the crazy one. I 100% believe you are not a mental case and you know the same, anyone that thinks you are do not matter as they do not know the whole story. x

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