Emotional help after diagnosis.
Posted , 2 users are following.
So this may not be the place to vent but I honestly don't know where to turn at this point so here it goes..about 8 months ago i was diagnosed with genital hsv-1. In the beginning I tried suppressive therapy but after about 2 months I stopped to see how my body would react with out it & I haven't had an outbreak since my first, thankfully but after finding out this fantastic news I fell into a deep angry depression. I started binge drinking and turning back to my old unhealthy living choices to cope with this st. I've come a long way since, moved into my own place and only drinking maybe once a week. So granite I am doing much better coping with it in that sense but emotionally I'm still a hot mess. Some days I'm ok but its ALWAYS in the back of my mind & I still find myself crying about it at least once a week. I don't speak to the two guys who could've given it to me anymore (both positive for hsv1) and I'm absolutely terrified to tell anyone else bc i live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and this is the last thing i want people finding out. So I've pretty much bottled up my emotions since being diagnosed. I got kicked off insurance a month ago so it's not like i could try and go talk to anyone if i wanted to. I just need to know HOW, how the fk do people move past this and learn to accept it. I find myself pushing EVERYONE away, new people. Old friends, I feel like I've just completely lost my "spark" and its never going to return. I SO BADLY want to tell a close friend of mine but I literally just can't work up the courage to. I have sooo many guys interested in me but I don't give a single one a chance bc I'm to afraid anyone I tell is going to think I'm disgusting or not worth enough to stick around & yes, were all adults who like having sex so I'm just gonna flat out say I miss being able to sleep with who ever I want !! like is hsv1 really as big of deal? Is it possible to transmit to someone who is already hsv1 positive? I'm sorry for the extremely long rant but its been 8 months. Why do I still feel this way!? Can anyone relate ?
0 likes, 4 replies
sasha38974 aj59518
Posted
I'm newly diagnosed and I guess experiencing my first outbreak. I got it from my boyfriend of 2 years who did not know. I can totally relate. I'm 37 and barely ever had a yeast infection. I insisted we go getting STD testing before getting serious but of course they didn't test for it. I only know I got it from him because I had been celibate and my previous Gyn did test me for it! I feel angry and my gynecologist who didn't want to test. I regret meeting him. I hate myself. I have cried and felt horrible. I'm still in the middle of all this hell because I was misdiagnosed. I went in and they told me I had a friction fissure and I was dry and I had nothing to worry about. They weren't going to test me but I had a nagging feeling and insisted they did. I regret that now. I'm terrified I will have a full blown outbreak. I am currently on topical and oral meds. I only have 1 place and it's more inside and is NOT painful. But it is not healing and I'm like why! WTF . They want me to come back in for a biopsy since it's so abnormal. I have nothing on my vulva. I didnt have sickness or fatigue. My partner doesnt care since he is asymptomatic and just keeps saying it is a skin condition. But I feel gross and disgusted! I am considering myself lucky cuz I just have a nagging feeling down there. But I can't stop looking and I'm leaving in fear for bad outbreak. I'm here if you need to talk. We are not bad ppl! It is the same damn thing that ppl have on their lips and are not shamed for! Hugs Hugs Hugs!
aj59518 sasha38974
Posted
That's what I keep trying to remind myself but the stigma of it is looked at so differently when its on your genitals & it sucks. I could've gotten it from two people but my fingers pointed more towards one specifically bc he had a coldsore on his lip a week after we had sex & I had my first outbreak but he had the same damn reaction. He also knew he was a carrier & never bothered to tell me, moral of the story I despise him to this day. He tried to play it off like it was no big deal but I'm still over here pretty much dying inside 8 months later ! I'm sure they'd feel much differently if it were the other way around. If it makes you feel any better my outbreak started as one sore on the outside of my labia and only progressed to about 2 more small sores right next to it only bc I didn't go get tested right away. I started taking valtrex and it immediately cleared up! Maybe try asking for different medication when you go back & at least you caught it early so it may not get worse ! I'm sorry your going through this too but thank you for reaching out, today has just been a s**t day & I needed some kind of comforting!
sasha38974 aj59518
Posted
Try to hang in there! I know this is freaking awful! I've been on 500 of Valtrex twice a day and topical acyclovir still just the one sore but it's been over 2 weeks and no signs of healing. I've been on the meds 10 days. How long did it take for your outbreak to clear up?
aj59518 sasha38974
Posted
Honestly they prescribed me the same exact thing for 10 days & mine was cleared up I want to say a day or two before I finished the bottle but keep in mind I also didn't start taking medication for about a week and a half after noticing what started as a small cut. so overall I probably had the sores for a good 3 weeks & I was also putting tea tree oil on them every night before bed. I know its pain in the ass but you'll get through it. Mine didn't hurt either, were just kind of an annoyance & itchy. They also say the first outbreak is the worst and for most people with hsv1 the recurrence rate is once or less a year! like I said, I've only had that one outbreak in 8 months so try and stay positive with that aspect !