Posted , 4 users are following.
My mom has dementia and it's killing me to watch her. I'm her sole caregiver and it brakes my heart not to know what to do. A home is not an option!!! I just need a bit of encouragement. How does anyone else cope with this situation?
Thank you
1 like, 5 replies
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lily65668 leslie1612
Posted
Hi Leslie,
I was in your position too. I didn't actually live with my mother - well, not all the time - but I was the only child. I lived 200 miles away but was constantly back and forth, losing both jobs and friends in those nine years when I had to spend ever-longer and more frequent periods at her house.
I couldn't get any support at all from the authorities - she lived in the UK - as she was always able to convince them there was nothing wrong. This commonly happens with dementia sufferers. My mother had always been a mathematical wiz, so had no problem with the test that involves starting at 100 and going back, subtracting 7 each time. The doctors said that meant she didn't have dementia, even though she couldn't answer any of the memory questions, and by this time couldn't find the toilet in her own house.
I can't give you any solutions, other than to try and locate Alzheimer support groups in your area. Even if your mother has another of the many types of dementia, an Alzheimer group can still provide moral support, as the day-to-day symptoms of all dementias are pretty much the same.
I assume you're in the US, and I know even less about available services there. However, an Alzheimer support group might be a good place to start. If you google Alzheimer's Association, you can select your country from the list. They offer all kinds of advice, support groups and a 24/7 helpline.
You have all my sympathy. I know it's a long, painful road.
leslie1612 lily65668
Posted
Hello Lily,
Thank you for taking time to to reply. I have moved my mother in with me. I'm not an only child but I may have well be.
My dad is not very nice to her and constantly saying that she is faking and pretending to have memory issues. My Mom was an RN for over 30 years. It's so difficult to watch such a strong person just having difficulties getting dressed or brushing her hair ect.
I followed a few forums and it was a bit disappointing to read the things trusted caregivers would actually post.
How's your mother? How are you? Are you in the UK? Yes, I'm in the US, Georgia actually.
Looking forward to hearing from you again soon.
Best wishes,
Leslie
lily65668 leslie1612
Posted
Hi Leslie,
My mother died in 2006, aged 89, in a hospital in the South-East of England. My father had died 20 years earlier. I last saw her on the evening before she died.
She'd been in social housing - the same house we'd all moved into when I was 8, 54 years earlier. I was given a temporary tenancy of four weeks to clear the house, before returning to my own home 200 miles away, from which I'd been commuting regularly for the previous 9 years. It was a sad time - particularly as the hospital hadn't allowed me to be at her side when she died because of their visiting policy - but I couldn't help feeling a sense of relief, for both of us.
It's probably very difficult for your father too, who I imagine must be quite old. It's hard to effectively lose those we loved when they're physically still present.
I think you're doing a wonderful job in being a full-time carer for your mother. My relationship with my mother had never been easy, and though I was prepared to take on my responsibilities I could never have given up my own life and permanently moved in with her. However, I still lived in her house for 2-3 days per week, sometimes longer, in her latter years, so I know just how demanding this can be.
I hope you can find some help from the local authorities, though I have no idea what might be available in the US. This is the kind of information you could get from the Alzheimer's Association helpline. Services are very variable from one region of the UK to another, and I'm afraid my mother and I drew the short straw.
jakejhonson44 leslie1612
Posted
I feel bad for you Leslie. I have been in that situation as well and it's definitely not easy. I felt so hopeless many times but never did I thought of giving up on my mom. You can learn more of the disease on Alzheimer's Society and get some ideas on how to deal with it.
jakejhonson44 leslie1612
Posted