Emotionless but terrified

I'm finding I'm just...not happy any more. Or sad. Or angry. And this makes me scared. I've noticed the change really since October 2021 (there was a major life change around that time). Not a whole lot excites me in the long-term. I'll have moments when I smile or laugh, like at compliments or a TV show, but outside of that, inside I feel emotionless. Though, proceeding to have concerns and getting teary-eyed thinking about it indicates that I do have emotions. I guess I'll take sad or scared over nothing?

I still feel like a robot, doing the same thing each day, going through the motions of everything in a routine that hasn't changed since 2019 it seems. I know the pandemic may be partly to blame, I just really hate feeling like this. I know I have some undiagnosed depression/anxiety, causing brain fog as well.

I'm good at faking things for the most part. At work I'll put on my smile or whatever. At home, I tend to keep to myself.

I'm hopefully planning on starting a mental health journey soon with doctors and official diagnoses and such. I really want a change and to just feel happy, even just content for a change.

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