End of tether... dont think I can beat this...

Posted , 6 users are following.

When i started at University 14 years ago i was so clean living, hardly drank, had never tried a cigarette. Desperate to impress a guy i had my eye on i started going to clubs and taking pills. That was the start of a slippery slope. Some people can have a bit of something and then go to bed and have a good nights sleep. Not me. Over the last few years i have started doing cocaine. It started with a few lines here and then, but since buying a flat and living alone i have started sitting in drinking and taking cocaine alone. From friday night to Sunday night with no sleep and then going into work feeling like death and falling asleep in work. I have tried to stop but am finding it impossible. I think this is it for me. If so i would rather not be living.

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  • Posted

    I know it’s easier to say than do but honestly give that s**t up now. See me post “what have I don’t to my body?”. Daily pain is driving me mad.

    Go get some help from doctor before you do some serious damage to yourself and your bank balance. That’s the best advice I can give you after being a daily user for 6 months.

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  • Posted

    I agree about NA!  If You can't find an NA meeting then try AA. Call the nearest meeting hall and hopefully d Someone there. I did and about 4 Women{opposite used I'm interested in} came to see Me. I was in terrible shape but all said either They've seen it before or They were once where II was and but for the grace of  God goes Them. It's part of Their program to reach out to other substance Abusers! Anyway I don't know Your situation but sounds like Your isolating! Please keep Me updated!

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  • Posted

    Dear Becs1985,

     Naturally, you would rather "not be living" than to exist ...especially considering the fact of how you're feeling right now.That's understandable.However, I know and you know ( since I believe you are an addict and/or an alcoholic and people that belong to this special group are among the most intelligent people on the planet) that this isn't even on the list of options that will be beneficial to yourself as well as to others in your circle...despite how big or small this circle might be.Besides, you are reaching out for some type of help because if you weren't you wouldn't have shared what you're going through with us, your fellow addicts and/or alcoholics who do care and love you and who ourselves are either in recovery or are making an attempt at some type of recovery.....and  that's a wonderful 1st step in the right direction.

     Unlike the non-addict, the normal person or the "normy" as we addicts sometimes refer to those who aren't real addicts...our 'willpower' isn't enough for some reason.And we don't really know what that reason is.But in that respect, we are all in that same boat.Whether we are wealthy and successful (in the eyes of the world that is) or sitting on a piece of cardboard after hitting some inexpensive speed and sipping on an inexpensive bottle of wine....we all have that X-factor and our 'willpower' somehow just isn't enough and our disease will return to hurt us or worse if we haven't found the Help we need.Oh, 'willpower' might work for a few days, a week ,a month or even a year or two.But eventually, we will fail and end up hurting ourselves and those around us.We can't say with the "normy" who will most likely succeed as they proclaim... ...." I hate what I'm doing and I'm going to stop it and get back on track...no matter what" .Unfortunately, and God only knows why but that doesn't work for those of us who struggle with this disease. The X-factor inside our brains causes us to belong to a special kind of club, you might say.And part of that is the fact that although we are doing something that will most likely cause us, if we continue, to either end up in prison, go insane or dead + a multitude of other problems along the way as the disease progresses...we can't say as the normy says..."I'm sick of this s... and I'll no longer live like this! ...even though we have the sincerest desire to do so." because even though yes we have the willpower and choice just like everybody else...because we have that X-factor, we have a willpower that doesn't function properly or something like everybody else's does.But we have meetings...NA and AA where everybody in the room has that same X-factor and where miracles do take place.And all we are required to do is show up with a desire to stop using.( or drinking or both)

     That's all for now.Hit that 1st meeting and let us know what's going on.



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