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For the last few years I have been suffering from anxiety and depression to an extent that I didn't even realise how much It has been affecting me until now.
Three years ago i lost my father very quickly due to cancer. He only found out a month before then he was gone. This was a shock to all my family and although I was heart broken I managed to pull myself together and be there to comfort others.
Since this day and some time before I have felt like I wasn't good enough and I would never be able to get out of life what would make me happy all the while not even knowing what this was.
I have tried all sorts of methods of dealing with my situation which I believed were starting to work until my grandfather passed away 6 months ago who was also like a father.
Once this happened I began to spiral down and I cannot seem to get out of this tangle.
I have extreme anxiety which seems to be more of a health concern as I feel all sorts of aches and pains that I never thought I could and I have had two hospital visits due to this to be told it's only anxiety.
This for me is so hard to believe. I have had what it feels like sleepless months, not eating, a tonne or crying and so scared to go out into I'm public as I'm scared something is going to happen to me.
I feel incredibly low and feel like no one fully understands me which means they cannot help me and that makes me so so scared. Panic attacks happen daily and I also feel like each day I have a tight band around my ribs not enabling me to breathe.
I hate leaving the house especially alone as I feel like everyone's judging me and I feel ashamed.
I also feel so down that all i keep thinking is, is this actually worth it.. for the rest of my life am I going to feel and suffer like this as I can't seem to see a brighter side..
I am on 20mg of citalopram which I have been taking for around 1 month now and I have no clue if these seem to be working.
I am living with my mum at the moment who has advised me to try esa... I am really unsure about this as I don't know if this is a a medical condition they will accept?
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