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Essential Tremor and dating

Posted , 6 users are following.

aaron01991
aaron01991

Hi Everybody, 

I am looking for some wisdom, encourage and hopefully motivation. I am a 25 year old male, and I have had essential tremor as long as I can remember. The first time I noticed it was when I was a kid taking communion in church. With one hand, I had to grab a tiny glass of grape juice off of a tray, which I was holding with the other hand. I'm sure this activity sounds like a nightmare for many of you as it was and is for me.

Anyway, over time I, for the most part, have accepted and adapted to my tremor. I am blessed that my tremor is still very mild, and it is only disabling when I am very nervous and have to do something with my hands. I still deal with a good deal of tremor-related anxiety, and I have begun to take 20mg of Propanolol as need about an hour and a half before a speech, job interview, concert or something. I have found that taking Propanalol definitely helps but does not completely take away the tremor, as expected. After all, everyone shakes when they're nervous.

This brings me to the topic of the discussion: dating. I have never had a girlfriend, and I have always been extra terrified of dating because of my tremor. But recently, I have started going on dates. I felt like some of them have gone well and some have not. I feel like I can't fully relax and be myself because I'm preoccupied about what I might be expected to do. Will I need to drink coffee out of mug with no lid? Will I have to toast? Will I have to eat soup?

I think if I had these questions answered, it would bring me some peace of mind. On first dates, what do women think of men whose hands shake? Are there any things that you have told yourself that have taken away a little bit of the anxiety? 

And I might as well ask about this as well. In regards to my music performance career (I play guitar, piano and sing): when you're watching a guitarist, is it distracting if their hands are shaking? Does it make you take them less seriously?

Any advice is very welcomed! Thank you all for your support, and God bless you for your compassion and empathy.

Thanks,

Aaron

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • kathleen58023
    kathleen58023 aaron01991

    Posted

    Hi.   Aaron my name is kathleen,I was diagnosed with essential tremor when I was 18.i have now been told I have dystonia I understand where you are coming from except my head also shakes.and I know it can be embarrassing.people will except you for you not your tremor as someone once said to me it would not be you without it.i know it's hard but the more you think about it the worse it gets.as for your music people will be listening to your sound not looking at your tremor.and for dating its you they are dating and if the tremor bothers them then they are not worth it'if I was your age I would date you lol but I am old enough to be your gran.This May I will be married 40 yrs and I have worked all my life.you work round your tremor don't let that work round you there is someone out there for you.God bless and hopefully hear from you again soon x

     

  • jean32494
    jean32494 aaron01991

    Posted

    Hi Aaron

    Glad you've taken the plunge and started dating.  Maybe if you joined a club where you could get to know people with a mutual interest, maybe something to do with music or sport.  Get to know someone before you ask them out, they will already know about your tremor, and if they accept a date with you, the tremor obviously doesn't bother them, so there's less anxiety on your part.

    I hope this is helpful

  • lily2020
    lily2020 aaron01991

    Posted

    Hey Aaron,

    I am not one to give advice in the dating field, because I've never dated anyone, but I personally would definitely date someone with essential tremor. I've had Tourette's Syndrome ever since I was a kid, and although it's lessened, it's still there. It makes my hands and legs shake, especially when I'm anxious, excited, or thinking. I wouldn't think anything bad about a guy's hands shaking on the first date. Unless you told me otherwise, I'd probably just assume you were nervous. My hands would probably be shaking too!

    I don't think that shaking hands would distract from a musician either. It seems like there are a lot of artists out there with anxiety, so I see musicians with shaking hands all the time, especially at the high school level. For me, as a pretty serious singer, I find that I kind of get in the zone while performing. My hands will be shaking a lot before I get up there, but once I'm doing it, I relax. I love it so much, and I try to just sing and make sure other stuff is okay, like the position of my feet and the volume of my voice, rather than focusing on my hands.

    I guess I don't really know about a first date, but with a partner, I would ask them if they could ask me if I'm worried periodically. Just while you're talking, like, "Hey, are you worried about anything?" And if you're worried about making a choice or doing something, then they can talk to you about it and assure you it's fine that you're nervous and they don't care if you react in a way you might think is 'weird'.

    I hope you have success with dating and with music!

  • stormiweathers
    stormiweathers aaron01991

    Posted

    As far as dating just be you and stop over thinking everything, you want someone who will care about you no material what. Your doctor should up your propranolol and you take it twice a day. Talk to your doctor.
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