Everyone seems to get pregnant so quickly except us!!!

Posted , 4 users are following.

Hi everyone, 

I thought I would post as some things have really been getting me down recently.

Firstly I will say that we are very lucky to already have a child - who is our absolute world. However we are starting to think about baby no 2.

I suffer intermittently with anxiety and OCD and in my last pregnancy both of these things got really bad, so I am already a little concerned that things may take the same avenue this time around. 

I am taking the necessary vitamins and have also had a review of my medication with my dr, with our plans in mind. Including having weaned myself slowly off my anti-depressant medication in preparation.

Having to take all this into account, although we started planning this over 6 months ago, we have only been actively trying for 4 months. 

However I already feel my anxieties starting to kick in about things that could harm an unborn baby that I may conceive (which I constantly have to keep in check), even though so far there is no baby to announce!

It took us 12 months to conceive our first child (and that was with me and my partner on the same work patterns, which this time isn't the case), so I know 4 months is nothing! However, so many people I know are getting pregnant as soon as they start trying that as much as I hate myself for it, I am finding myself resenting my own body for the fact that we aren't there yet. 

I think the impatience comes from the increased anxiety I am feeling month on month and the thought that this has to get worse before it gets better, as the dr won't (and I don't want to risk) being on anti-depressants while trying for another child. 

I also find that it's stressing me out - which I am sure is also stopping us conceiving. 

I just feel so down at the moment and like there isn't much (if any) support out there for couples who are trying to conceive, but failing. :-( 

I suppose I just really want to know if anyone else out there feels the same way and whether there is anything anyone can suggest to make this phase easier. 

(I apologise for anyone reading this who is still to have their first child - I don't mean to appear insensitive. I know how lucky we are to have one child and if one child is all we are destined to have, then we will be very happy and grateful to have what we do have. But we would like another child, both because we would like two and so that our first child has a sibling for company). 

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Ange1a

    its funny as I was just replying to your other post! 

    We tried for 2+ years, then two miscarriages then finally two babies at the end of it all. Won't bore u with a long story. All I can offer is some friendly tips on how we got through. And I know what u mean, it's not like we had ivf or anything, so I felt bad for feeling so fed up about how long it was taking, when friends of ours were having three  unsuccessful Ivf attempts. You feel selfish, but it's ok to have these feelings.

    my tips:

    RELAX - I know easier said than done.

    Drink wine. 

    Do things you both enjoy. We did spa days, long walks, playing music, gardening.

    get and stay fit.

    we both took pregnacare conception tablets.

    hubby took the herbal tablets Tribulus, as a sperm booster.

    throw away all ovulation testing kits and thermometer.

    stop talking to each other about trying to conceive. Talk about fun things.

    make sure you use a sperm-friendly lubricant, like Preseed.

    it seemed like everyone I knew was getting pregnant and that felt awful, you are not alone. Give the Tribulus a try (online or Holland and Barrett), we found they worked quickly.

    Good luck! 


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    • Posted

      Forgot to say, we all forget it is perfectly normal for it to take 1-2 years for a 'healthy couple' to conceive anyway. We're all in such a rush though. There's only a 20% chance of conceiving each month, so it will take a while sometimes. Stay happy though!
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    • Posted

      Thank you. This is really helpfil. I didn't know of the sperm booster at all!!! Is it perfectly safe (ie it can't cause birth defects?)

      Yes, sorry I kind of duplicated my message.... it was writing that that made me think "I'll post my own discussion, about the parts that are actually bothering me"! Lol.

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    • Posted

      When he took Tribulus we got pregnant quickly. Before we'd heard of it, we were trying with only pregnacare as a supplement and we never conceived. We went to the GP, had three sperm tests and were told very low motility. Then started trib three times a day. Then the first two pregnancies ended in early miscarriages, so I was then worried Tribulus was to blame (I think a lot of ppl would think this) but then the third one went fine! And then when it came to trying for number2 we obviously bought it again and all was fine. Remember miscarriage is so common, so was probably just down to chance. Give it a try. 

      Do you do everything else right, like not smoking etc?! 

      Wishing you well x

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    • Posted

      Yeah, I havr cut down (but not yotally stopped) my caffrine intake (but to within the recommended guidelines), I don't smoke or do any drugs . In fsct I havdehad to change medication that isn't suitsble if you are planning to get pregnant.

      I barely drink (other than I had 4 small glasses the other nightto celebrate my birthday & relax a bit... then stressed the rest of the night in case I ad conceived & didn't know, so am wary to do that again!!!

      The thing I could really do with doing more of is exercise. I am starting to feel depression setting in which is affecting my motivation to do most daily things at the moment. Certainly exercise which I can't say is something I enjoy.

      I'm also taking conception vitamins including folic acid.

      Thank you again. :-)

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    • Posted

      Don't worry about drinking a small amount when you fancy it. It's better to be happy and relaxed, then more likely to conceive. Think about the teenagers that easily fall pregnant because they a) drink irresponsibly, and b) have a lot of (unprotected) sex! Then is it any wonder we don't conceive easily in our 30s because we a) stop ourselves drinking any alcohol, and b) try and time sex with ovulation only! Ok, I'm being a bit silly here because we obviously reduce our fertility levels as we age, but you get my point. 

      I really liked a little book recently, called the Madness of Modern Parenting. There's an interesting bit about alcohol and pregnancy in there. 

      Anyway, gotta go now and feed the baby! And yes I do drink a little alcohol (only wine, not spirits) while breastfeeding (naughty me)...this was actually on the advice of my midwife as I was stressed and anxious at the start, and it really helped me chillax, enough to help the milk supply. 

      Exercise is the key when you feel down, I'm a firm believer in that. 

      All the best!


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    • Posted

      Oh I'm glad, thanks for replying.  Enjoy the book if you get it, it's really interesting and made me think. I've been going through a difficult spell with postnatal depression (only mild I'd say) and really didn't want antidepressants but I've found huge benefit from starting an exercise class and also making myself go out in the 'sunshine' in the mornings. I know different things appeal to different people, and not everything we try will work, but if you feel depression coming back, take early action, and you never know if you try something it may just help, hopefully!  Post back on here with any updates if you feel like sharing smile
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  • Posted

    im sorry, i cant say i know how your feeling. I havent even started a family yet. i just got married. this month is when we actually was trying and NOTHING.... i soo want to be pregnant too. i get so upset abnd mad because i see other girls popping out babies like crazy, they smoke weed etc..... some ppl dont deserve to be parents but they are. 

    i just wish one day its ME. I have been in that depression stage and it made it even worse. 

    im sure there is option out there for you. GO to the doctors and see, there others way IVF.. etc.... you may can try that? Do some reseach on it. 

    im in my mid 20s and my husband is in his late 20's..... all we can do is keep trying. 

    i hope for the best for you and your husband. 

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    • Posted

      Thank you. :-) I don't believe ivf would be a possibility as we already have a child. Plus I understand you have to have been trying for 12 mths before they'll consider checking anything is wrong. Good luck with your family plans as well. :-)
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  • Posted

    angila carry on trying ,because this is only what u can do.I often have the same feeling as you because I dont become pregnant that easily ,but in the end you will get what you want .keep praying god to  fulfill your need.
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