Ex can’t/won’t let go

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hey everyone quick question, my ex suffers with PTSD and depression, since splitting he texts every few days, or calls me on the phone unexpectedly, I’ve tryed to say since we are no longer together I don’t want to do the polites or stay friends, there’s no hard feelings on my part but I just want to go my own way and get on with my life. Tonight he texted and called again so I repeated myself on how I felt, within minutes of ending the phone call he text again to say “ we are friends just get over it” I feel that he’s trying to keep me hanging on until he feels better or he can’t/ won’t let go, as anyone else experienced this?? 

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  • Posted

    hi beverly,  

      Ive experinced that with my ex.He was diagnosed with PTSD.last few weeks we had a discussion that and we even decided to just give up.that even lead me to depression because i love him so much.but he keeps on sending me messages telling me how much he loves me and says sorry for his actions or words that he had used.our rationship was on and off.but he always tells me how he feels.but last few days he decided to complete to just let go because according to him it will never work.i just love him so much and i know it will take months to complete move on.but we are still having communication and he is still telling how much he love me.I just cant understand why you will just let go on the person you love.he will tell you that he dont want to hurt you anymore.but does he know how im hurting right now?

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  • Posted

    Beverly

    It would seem He needs to talk to His GP and get treatment.

    Depending on how long you went out with Him and the intensity of the relationship it seems like He has become used to you been around, with PTSD this may be further marked and He may feel at a loss when you are not around

    If it is the PTSD that was the problem that lead to this break up, this becomes a problem that need to be approached cruel but kind

    I do not know if He is holing you hostage regards this problem, He is saying He will get put right, this will need to be addressed.by Him so He can move on.

    BOB

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  • Posted

    I experienced it for a short time when I told my ex that I was leaving town because we weren’t together any longer. I saw him break down and lose it because I was planning on leaving. In order to calm him, I had to say I was staying ( I ended up staying anyway). Now, he treats me like I’m the scum of the Earth; I just don’t get ptsd.
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    • Posted

      Hi there...

      I just wanted to reach out to say...I don't think that's a healthy scenario and you should leave if he treats you that way....there is a distinction between PTSD and mental/verbal abuse and manipulation. Often this is a trait of narcissists (hello i am one and I know their game, unfortunately.) My father is one, my brother is one, it runs in the family. They use their mental inability to cope with reality as an excuse for dealing with their own.....and often times controlling or manipulating a partner is a common strategy. I don't know what kind of PTSD he has..where it stems from, but nothing should compromise your own happiness. 

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  • Posted

    Hey thanks for the replies, I feel I should fill you in a little, my ex and I was together a year, at the start of December he just cut me off, said he was having his Christmas wobble early, this wasn’t the first time this had happened since being together,  the first six months was  fantastic, we was so close and loved spending time together .

    But from that point it was very up and down, depending if he was taking his meds or not,  he had a short time in hospital and I stood by him throughout all of this, he even moved into mine for 5 months after this hospital stay  I loved him, still do !!!!

    But what I came to realise is, I couldn’t cope with how he just cut me off, and it came from nowhere, we would share a fantastic day/night together then boom!! Silence 

    Especially over Christmas, I know he can’t help this but I find it so hurtful and I feel that although he’s back on the medication now, he’s not doing anything else to help himself. We met early January to clear the air which to me, was us saying goodbye, but it’s been since that point the texting and the calls, I do think a lot of this guy, I see past his illness and see the guy underneath!!

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  • Posted

    He may just feel overwhelmingly rejected and is unable to accept the reality that you no longer want to be with him. How long were you two together? This makes more sense if it was a long term relationship but if it was only a few months then I would say just block his number for a while. You can't solve his problems. 

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  • Posted

    Oh sorry Beverley I realized you elaborated. I think you're setting boundaries and that's good...he should know that trust is a building block and you deserve to have someone who is fully present for you and it is a balanced reciprocal relationship. 

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  • Posted

    Greetings Beverly,

    I have to respond by saying that I happen to be a supporter who is still holding on to my ex who is a sufferer of ptsd. I randomly send texts and emails hoping to hear from him, but to no avail, he’s not responding. Like you, we were only together for about seven months and it all started December 2016. I saw the beginning of the end around August. There was a war between his ex and I and I was so confused about the whole thing. Needless to say, my heart is so broken and at this point, unrepairable. I’m not sure if it’s you or your ex who is suffering, but the person who is having a hard time with the separation has my heart totally.

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  • Posted

    I think we are both suffering with the split, I actually saw him this week and I was shocked at just how downhill he’s gone, his mum pulled me to one side and said, “look after him Bev” that comment has really played on my mind, he had put on loads of weight on, (not that it bothered me) said he couldn’t be bothered to bath , when I asked if he would like a cup of tea he just looked at me and said, “ do I, or do I want coffee, I can’t make decisions anymore.  He’s under the hospital but I don’t feel he’s getting any help, he last saw his psychologist in December who simply upped his meds and made his next appointment for March, I really care for this guy and don’t know what to do next, so I walk away or try and help???

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