Exam Stress and fear of returning eating disorder
Posted , 3 users are following.
I think I've always had a problem with food, I can remember being 12 and making myself throw up to calm myself down. It was always something I could manage on my own. The need to strave myself and throw up came in and out of my teenages years as stress came in and out.
However, this year things became really bad. My family began to notice, and though the support they did offer was limited due to me being able to hide it. Well them finding out made me realise myself I probably have a problem.
I am writing this post to ask for any tips in how to stop it coming back.
After this summer I dropped to my lowest weight, but I've worked really hard the past few months and now I'm back on track with a healthly weight. However, uni is becoming REALLY hard and REALLY stressful. I can see myself limited my food and obessing over my weight - because it seems to take my mind off my studies.
I just really dont want to become ill again. Anyone here been through something similar?
1 like, 3 replies
katlouise1989 rebecca7227
Posted
I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles, and it's great that you can recognise what some of the triggers are. This will really help you.
You sound so similar to me - I hid my eating disorder from my parents for years, and now I can't imagine why, because without them and their support (and financial support) I wouldn't have made anywhere near the progress in recovery that I have.
It's really hard, but being open and honest and having a good support network around you is so key to keeping you on track. My instinct would to say have a chat to your parents. Christmas is coming up, have you thought about how you are going to manage then? Years and years of panic now means I can plan my meals with my parents, and I eat my meal plan, and I don't have to hide anything.
It's much easier.
Telling your parents is really painful, but once it's over you've done the really hard part and you have their love and support.
I wondered if you were getting any support from elsewhere, as that might be quite a big step to take initially. Do you have any counselling available at your university? Or, if you are registered with a GP at university have you thought about booking an appointment to chat things through there? There are lots of routes you can go down once you are in the system as it were, and universities often have support groups too.
Beat run quite a few support groups, depending on where you are in the country, and I also recommend Student Minds, if you are at university.
It's good to have people around you whilst things are tricky.
Separately, I have found mindfulness, and Dialectical behavioural therapy really helpful for managing the anxiety which accompanies my eating disorder. I'd recommend looking into mindfulness, as particularly surrounding exam stress you might find it helpful.
If you google DBT, you'll find lots of info (I have a great app on my phone called DBT diary as well). This is all about sitting and learning to manage uncomfortable emotions instead of engaging in negative behaviours such as vomiting. You might find this useful.
I can ramble on with some more nutritional based education, which may or may not be helpful, but it sounds like you probably know what to eat and how to stop the bingeing and so on, it's just a case of doing it.
There is no easy solution here. You do just have to eat. I love analogies, and I did a Skydive a year and a bit ago. Yes, it was a tandem skydive, and yes it was awesome.
The scariest part was jumping out of the plane. Not only that, but no-one pushes you, and you go first. So it is your decision. But once you jump, you have a qualified instructor strapped to you and two parachutes (I won't go on about how amazing it was...it was so much fun), the point is you will be supported, but they can't do the eating bit for you.
I think the other thing I want to add is that life does bring about little and big rough patches. I had a whole year of it in 2014, and then last week got some difficult news at work. If I think about how I responded at the start of 2014, and how I responded last week, they are worlds apart. I still messed up a bit last week (I'm in recovery...) but I have bounced back after a few days this time, and am beginning to get back on track fully with my meal plan, which is really positive.
Everyone has good and bad days in life anyway, so sometimes you also need to be kind to yourself on those days too. Remember that the choice you are making to recover is a really hard one, but a great one. Keep in mind what it is you are fighting for, and all those goals you want to achieve, then on those hard days you've got something to fight for.
Feel free to message me if you need anything more. Keep fighting
kirsty32448 rebecca7227
Posted
Christmas is cooming up and i am really scared
katlouise1989 kirsty32448
Posted
Have you thought about making a list of some of your anxieties? Maybe you can discuss them here, or in a support group and see if others can help you work through some of the anxieties you're experiencing.
I don't think I'm allowed to post links on here, but I wrote a great piece last year in the huffpost on coping with Christmas with an eating disorder. You might be able to find it if you have a search.
Here are some of my tips from it:
I have recently discussed with my dietician a meal plan for the festive period, considering managing difficult scenarios, such as our buffet that is traditional for our family on Christmas day and problem solving by only putting some food out in the first instance, and allowing people to help themselves later on.
A second coping strategy has been developing my assertiveness, and self confidence. I have experienced people challenging the portions of food I'm having, or questioning why I am not having x or y...I have discussed with people such as my mum the why and the importance of what I am doing. I have a container I use to portion out food, which is making me feel safer. Sometimes, I need to remind people around me that I'm doing this and this is aiding my recovery, because people aren't perfect. Assertiveness and being confident in your own judgement is a skill, but if it helps you, then keep doing it.
Plan, plan, plan! I've sat down with my dietician and my family to discuss the food I will be eating (and what the family are having) and made compromises where necessary. I have my plan on my laptop and I can mentally plan ahead, as well as physically, such as remembering to bring breakfast and lunch for when I go to stay with other members of the family.
Make your plan manageable.
I looked over my plan and I reviewed it a couple of times and took some things out and on a couple of days decided to not push myself so much, because I'm already taking a significant step this year. If your big step is getting in three small meals, can one of those meals be a banana on one day for example? On Christmas day, I know this is an indulgent day for the family, so I have decided not to push myself with breakfast and have gone for a lighter breakfast.
Always set manageable goals.
Try and allow days to indulge
One of the things that I've learnt is that in normalising my eating, Christmas is where people do indulge. I don't have to eat everything in the fridge/house etc. I don't need to eat loads, but I could eat some things that are luxurious on the festive days. It's worth building this in, because everyone else around you will be eating like this. But it doesn't mean that you need to eat everything that everyone else is having, for the whole day and for the whole of the period.
Think about timings
You should aim to space out eating to roughly every 4 hours, to allow yourself to below satiated.
When you're eating, mindful eating is important to allow your body to feel full.
Breakfast should be consumed usually 30 minutes after getting up, and is also really important in regulating your moods, but also keeping your weight low...so definitely worth it over the festive period. By having small regular meals (generally) and also over the festive period, you're less likely to eat the whole box of Lindor.
Give yourself time...
It's not going to be easy - if you found it easy that would be great.
Allow yourself some time to yourself if things get stressful.
I like listening to music to de-stress myself, I also find watching TV really helps.
Going for a walk (or in my case, taking my dog for a walk).
Talking to a friend is another good coping mechanism. I've asked my friends to send me motivational messages.
If you have hobbies which you can do over Christmas, then try and find space and time to do these whilst you're feeling things are difficult; finding time to unwind when you're feeling vulnerable helps to bring your mood up again.
I also recommend yoga or mindfulness.
There's a great online forum called the Big White Wall, which is another good option if you simply need to talk to someone virtually. They also have options to express yourself creatively.
Pacing yourself is important. It's better to take things bit by bit, and being nice to yourself.
Stay positive, and remember you're not alone.