Exhausted ! I've been battling and attacking myself for almost a year now

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This is my first time ever joining a forum but I feel like my story needs to be told . I'm 33 female, I'm a dentist , single no kids , live alone all family and friends live across the country , everything I have I've earned alone no help. Well about a year ago til this very day since I'm no where near healed yet, I've been literally attacking myself , autoimmune inflammatory diseases have almost gotten the best of me the hardest battle I've ever fought . It started with a genital rash, this rash I originally treated like it was a yeast infection I tried everything and it wouldn't go away , gynecologist said it had nothing to do with her specialty and I need to see a dermatologist. You don't understand how much suffering this has caused and still causes me . Can't go to the bathroom without crying from pain , trying to do things I used to love to do like running would have to stop was so itchy , rash was ulcerating , every step I took the rash would rub. Working ten hour days as a dentist but dying in pain sneaking away to apply creams to try to survive the day , breaking up with my bf because I couldn't stand the embarrassment . So after two dermatologists with biopsies diagnosed lichen schlerosis an autoimmune disease that basically causes so much pain itching in the genitals and pretty much almost impossible to have sex again I thought my life was over . So everyday I spent hours applying my steroids which are class 1 strongest steroids and usually you shouldn't put them on sensitive skin but this disease is so bad your supposed to use it there. See slight improvement some days but hasn't completely healed yet , later i self treated with antifungsl creams thinking mayb the steroids caused infection which did provide some relief and my current routine which gets me through the day is washing with albolene gentle soup and tea tree oil then immediately applying steroids and anti fungal cream. Reapply throughout day as needed and repeat at night . What a life , right ? Well I was just happy to go to be able to go the bathroom without crying. So during this time i got insane food poisoning where I passed out in my bathroom from dehydration and almost died there alone , my mom ended up coming to visit me worried because of all I've been going through ,so I took antibiotics for the food poisoning which of course made the lichen schlerosis flare up like crazy so it was a viscous cycle. Then the weather got cold dry winter months and I lost my voice and had a terrible cough with phlegm so i took zpak for a week. So then a few weeks ago I started getting a rash on my neck and face. I've always had some acne issues so I just attributed it to that applying acne meds and my skin got flaky figured it was from the weather loaded on the moisturizer, I'm a skincare junkie so I was basically doing peels exfoliating moisturing masks you name it. Well the neck rash got bright red and it looked nothing like acne so this alarmed me and my face rash was cratering and was different than acne it was so hard to cover with makeup. I would be late everywhere at work in the parking lot scrapping at my face trying to stop the flaking so I can put makeup on. Just attacking my face with products trying to stop the flaking and cover the craters forming . Missed work one day cuz it was red swollen I realized this is more than acne and went to dermatologist who did biopsy and says it's dermatitis ( which could mean anything ) what kind of dermatitis and he prescribed me steroids less strong then the one I was using for my lichen schlerosis , he prescribed elidel which is another anti inflammatory and also alevycn which is a non steroid anti inflammatory, so I went home and now I have a load of steroids from all my diseases and which do I put where and when I run out of one I end up using the stronger one on my face cuz I'm desperate and insurance won't refill until end of month so i missed work a few more days cuz a mask rubbing off my makeup and rash cracking and bleeding when I'm with patients is not fun. I tried everything suspicious that it's sebaceous dermatitis of face not hair I applied anti fungal creams I washed my face with selsun blue anti dandruff shampoo! Don't do this ! This made it so much worse ! It got super angry red peeling . then this week Monday my rash reached its peak and my entire neck and face covered with it as I sat in work parking lot trying to cover it with makeup I told my manager Idk what to do I broke down in tears sent her a picture she was like omg that's so bad I had no idea , I may need a sick leave I can't do this every morning rushing to work spending hours attacking my face to stop the peeling being late everywhere all this stress is making it worse I went to dermatologist who said to stop all steroids and put me on another anti inflammatory tacrolimus which is non steroidal . I was like are you serious that's all I'm gonna put on this rash that is covering my ears neck face! So i got home last night and I realized wow I'm exhausted ! I've been applying creams and medicine hours a day to lower body which was extremely painful and took my feminity away and now to my freaking face which is visible to the world could it get any worse enough is enough , so during this breakdown I realized something , this has been the hardest year of my life and it's all because of me I'm attacking myself , 'my body is my worst enemy I'm in a constant fight me against me . And then I said I'm exhausted fighting myself is exhausting and I give up fighting , I showered used just a few weak facial washes where I used to use like gen and exfoliate the crap out of my face , put hydrocortisone 2.5 percent on my face first thing without applying a million toners first , even tho derm said don't put steroids on anymore my rash was just so bad but used the weakest steroid I had rubbed it in as my face was still damp since it's water soluble , let it sit a few minutes to absorb then applied my anti inflammatory tacrolimus let it absorb put some tea tree oil with a light salicytuc acid since I'm still convinced it's sebaceous dermatitis and then a little coconut oil to dry places and that's it I used to put retinol eye creams toners a mixture of steroids acne medicine so this was a little for me went to bed and woke up today it's already less red less scaly yet still ugly . So I've spend all day literally 6 hours trying to cover my rash with makeup in the past well today I didn't wanna attack it , again I'm exhausted I'm tired of fighting myself , I woke up did the same routine of showering applying steroid then anti inflammatory then a light moisturizer for sensitive skin then my make up and usually I won't have to rub off my makeup over and over again cuz it was flaky but I just put it on once and it didn't look too bad and i left the house and just now repeated shower medicine routine to prepare for bed and it looks so much better already , neck finally less red too , I did start antibiotics as Well Bactrim which has helped in the past with acne thinking that may help balance the bacteria fungal aspect, took a probiotic for the first time in years careful to not eat sugar gluten dairy , cuz I'm tired of attacking myself I need to heal from within , it's on it's way to getting better and hopefully I can go to work Thursday at least my makeup will be able to cover it . I'm not healed and I'm still battling with my two autoimmune issues that I still believe are Mis diagnosed but I learned a valuable lesson this year I'm strong , I survived the attack of myself everyday and the attack was strong , I called it a tie and truce and I'm done fighting myself I pray I will one day be at peace again

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Omg poor thing you but tremendously strong amazing woman how can your body fight against you soo much

    It's awful and I replied first because I had not read your whole story

    But I'm blown away at what you did and you did manage to overcome it

    So glad you didn't keep this inside

    Thank you for sharing

    I suffer with psoriasis and have been hospitalised for months so I have a handle on what you been through xxx

    Good luck

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply and I'm sorry to hear about your psoriasis, how are you treating it ,have you tried the humara shots ? I have a friend with chron's disease who gets those shots and says she has no side effects. I'm scared of the shots but may consider if my flare ups continue. I am still battling my autoimmune diseases including celiacs disease however my rash on my face and neck is a lot better light pink compared to how it was last week, the lichen schlerosis is slightly better as well as far as pain goes. I can get through the day without reapplying the meds every hour at least. My dermatologist gave me some cream that's hydrocortisone 2.0 plus antifungal and antibacterial plus aloe, why didn't he give me this from the beginning , but it was for my lower body however I've been putting it on my face as well since I still think I may have sebaceous dermatitis which is fungal and inflammatory and the antibacterial will help me not break out from the hydrocortisone. It feels good when I put it on but I'm not sure it's a cure . I kno the real cure is from healing the gut and also reducing stress and of course weather , I got a vitamin d injection and iv vitamin shot , the probiotics upset my stomach after awhile so currently stopped those but I kno those are one of the most important aspects of healing the gut, if I can't take probiotics and I continue to get flare ups I will look into humara shots . On top of it all my landlord gave me to the end of the month to move and I don't have a place yet so talk about bad timing and stress !!! Well I hope you are feeling better and If you kno any tricks for treating inflammatory skin diseases please share best regards xoxo

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    • Posted

      Hi I was at the chemist this xmas with a little face rash that won’t move just along laughter lines!! Would be wouldn’t it!!

      He suggested simple savalon as there are fungal anti stuff inside of clinical hospital quality before I go for face steroids so Iv been rubbing garlic on which helped after immediately hot and red calmed to an anti-fungal treatment, eating heaps of garlic!!

      Clean from the inside!!

       

      I try to keep to natural remedy otherwise when we get older steroids can seriously thin the skin, and im not happy that they give it away so freely…

      On the other hand when you have a situation like yours where is there else to go…

      Washing in cool camomile tea, natural water. Longer walks in the country side, find new friends who like the great outdoors, give up alcohol

      But not my 2 a day rolly!!

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    • Posted

      Is that peri oral dermatitis or sebaceous dermatitis. I think those two are a bit different, sebaceous dermatitis has a fungal component, that is the one I think I have , but I believe peri oral dermatitis is treated with a few courses of antibiotics and seems to have less of a fungal component . But if what your doing is working than great . If it's not working mayb it's perioral dermatitis and should be treated differently . The medication the dr just gave me that I was like why didn't he give me this before is called Alcortin. It's hydrocortisone 2.0 antifungal and antibacterial with aloe . I agree steroids are bad esp for your face but your rt until I get this under control where am I to go tried tea tree oil, apple cider vinegar, antifungal creams selsun blue .... the healing from within can be hard to accomplish fast and I know takes time . ....

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