Exhausted of my life.

Edited , 4 users are following.

I don't know what to do anymore and if it's possible to feel relaxed and good (again). I'm just constantly analyzing 24/7 what I'm feeling and I'm basically constantly alert and stressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a nightmare or something. There is just no positivity at all left. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I feel exhausted of life. Even the tiniest things can freak me out. I'm constantly afraid of losing my mind, but actually it already feels like I've lost my mind. I can't make things done and I feel like a complete failure in life. Like I don't belong here. A lot of times I just feel zoned out. I don't see how I can ever live a normal life, because everything feels so severe. My life exist out of nothing. I lost everything I had 3 years ago when everything really became unmanageable. I can't take proper care of myself. I just hate myself. I wish I had a friend, but also I don't, because everything just got ruined by myself. I feel like I lost the war with myself. I am egocentric and I hate myself for it.

I've been diagnosed with panic disorder, depression, agoraphobia and glims of OCD. I'm a 20 year old male. I just wonder if there is actually any fun and enjoyable things for me in life. Does it have to be this way? Can I gain peace with myself? Can I shake things of and transform in a different person? Someone who I can love and be proud of?

After a year of waiting for therapy I finally had my appointment (just a interview) and they said they could help me out, but now everything is cancelled and I have to wait again for who knows how long.

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  • Posted

    I totally understand how you are feeling, im the sane way super depressed, agoraphobic and i have other phobias too. i feel the same too that life doesnt seem wort living anymore, my biggest problem is i feel nauseous and tired like i have no energy. If i lose anymore weight i will disappear 😦 try to hang in there and hopefully this dumb virus will go away so you can get the help you need. You can always try the app betterhelp too.

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    • Posted

      Also for a longer time? I've tried a lot, but I just didn't made progress. It's like I put in hard work, but there aren't rewards. My mind automatically starts to think if there is even a reward. Life feels just like one big struggle.

      For me there is also like personality crisis I think. Because I suffer from this for a while I kinda lost sense of who I am. It even goes so far (anxiety) that I'm fearful to myself for who I am. I'm afraid of exposing myself because of this. I'm constantly analyzing myself and now I'm just in huge doubts. & how can I figure out when I'm so anxious? I feel like when I give my anxiety up I'll be a bad person. & just this constantly worrying of losing my mind... Jeez, that's exhausting. I've heard a lot of people saying I should write goals or something, but I can't come up with them, because everything feels pointless and unreachable. Yes, even the small ones. I feel like I must literally avoid everything and stay in bed all day long.

      I'll check out the app you recommended. You've got some positive experience with it? I hope one day we can put all of this behind us and look back on it with a smile.

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    • Posted

      Yes the counseling app did help they have all kinds if therapists on there if you dont like one you can switch to another. And i totally understand what you are saying!! I have set the smallest goals for myself and i still just sit here at my house paralized with this crap. Im so tired of feeling sick, anxious and depressed. Ive tried a few antidepressants for a couple if months at a time and they only helped very little but their side effects were brutal and never let up even after weeks! I get so jealous if watching others live their lives free of this hell and i hate hearing them say "oh just get out and have fun you will feel better". They wouldnt say that to someone suffering from any other debilitating illness....they just dont understand

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    • Posted

      Ah, I saw the app ask a pretty high prince (at least for me). I'm unemployed because of my mental health problems. I still live at my parents house as well. I feel like a adult baby, it's depressing. I avoid almost every social contact besides them. Even phone calls give me anxiety. I just feel so uncomfortable in this world. I've been on antidepressants as well, but they didn't work for me either. I fear everything that effects my mind. Even drinking a cup of tea is something I don't do anymore. The most frustrating part is that I often don't even know where I'm exactly afraid of. I can't even imagine how it feels to have fun anymore. So seeing others having fun about things (I used to like) isn't really there. I can be pretty irritated by the smallest things, which isn't something I want to choose to do. It's goes automatically pretty much. That line you wrote down sounds familiar to me and it is pretty annoying indeed. I often feel like people don't understand and take me serious. But on the other hand, I can understand it, because you will only know how difficult it is when you've gone through the same. You can't see anything on the outside about me. I just look healthy, but on the inside I feel like a dying tree. About the future, well, every time I think about the future it's dramatically. I haven't had a single relationship because I've always struggled. In the past I always had hope my time will come eventually, but now, nope, it will give me even horrible thoughts thinking about it. I just feel like I don't fit with others anymore. I've had a pretty social life in the past, but that's just changed drastically.

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