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I don't know what to do anymore and if it's possible to feel relaxed and good (again). I'm just constantly analyzing 24/7 what I'm feeling and I'm basically constantly alert and stressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a nightmare or something. There is just no positivity at all left. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I feel exhausted of life. Even the tiniest things can freak me out. I'm constantly afraid of losing my mind, but actually it already feels like I've lost my mind. I can't make things done and I feel like a complete failure in life. Like I don't belong here. A lot of times I just feel zoned out. I don't see how I can ever live a normal life, because everything feels so severe. My life exist out of nothing. I lost everything I had 3 years ago when everything really became unmanageable. I can't take proper care of myself. I just hate myself. I wish I had a friend, but also I don't, because everything just got ruined by myself. I feel like I lost the war with myself. I am egocentric and I hate myself for it.
I've been diagnosed with panic disorder, depression, agoraphobia and glims of OCD. I'm a 20 year old male. I just wonder if there is actually any fun and enjoyable things for me in life. Does it have to be this way? Can I gain peace with myself? Can I shake things of and transform in a different person? Someone who I can love and be proud of?
After a year of waiting for therapy I finally had my appointment (just a interview) and they said they could help me out, but now everything is cancelled and I have to wait again for who knows how long.
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