Exhausted of my life.
Posted , 4 users are following.
I don't know what to do anymore and if it's possible to feel relaxed and good (again). I'm just constantly analyzing 24/7 what I'm feeling and I'm basically constantly alert and stressed. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a nightmare or something. There is just no positivity at all left. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I feel exhausted of life. Even the tiniest things can freak me out. I'm constantly afraid of losing my mind, but actually it already feels like I've lost my mind. I can't make things done and I feel like a complete failure in life. Like I don't belong here. A lot of times I just feel zoned out. I don't see how I can ever live a normal life, because everything feels so severe. My life exist out of nothing. I lost everything I had 3 years ago when everything really became unmanageable. I can't take proper care of myself. I just hate myself. I wish I had a friend, but also I don't, because everything just got ruined by myself. I feel like I lost the war with myself. I am egocentric and I hate myself for it.
I've been diagnosed with panic disorder, depression, agoraphobia and glims of OCD. I'm a 20 year old male. I just wonder if there is actually any fun and enjoyable things for me in life. Does it have to be this way? Can I gain peace with myself? Can I shake things of and transform in a different person? Someone who I can love and be proud of?
After a year of waiting for therapy I finally had my appointment (just a interview) and they said they could help me out, but now everything is cancelled and I have to wait again for who knows how long.
0 likes, 4 replies
Guest Contakt2
Posted
I totally understand how you are feeling, im the sane way super depressed, agoraphobic and i have other phobias too. i feel the same too that life doesnt seem wort living anymore, my biggest problem is i feel nauseous and tired like i have no energy. If i lose anymore weight i will disappear 😦 try to hang in there and hopefully this dumb virus will go away so you can get the help you need. You can always try the app betterhelp too.
Contakt2 Guest
Posted
Also for a longer time? I've tried a lot, but I just didn't made progress. It's like I put in hard work, but there aren't rewards. My mind automatically starts to think if there is even a reward. Life feels just like one big struggle.
For me there is also like personality crisis I think. Because I suffer from this for a while I kinda lost sense of who I am. It even goes so far (anxiety) that I'm fearful to myself for who I am. I'm afraid of exposing myself because of this. I'm constantly analyzing myself and now I'm just in huge doubts. & how can I figure out when I'm so anxious? I feel like when I give my anxiety up I'll be a bad person. & just this constantly worrying of losing my mind... Jeez, that's exhausting. I've heard a lot of people saying I should write goals or something, but I can't come up with them, because everything feels pointless and unreachable. Yes, even the small ones. I feel like I must literally avoid everything and stay in bed all day long.
I'll check out the app you recommended. You've got some positive experience with it? I hope one day we can put all of this behind us and look back on it with a smile.
Guest Contakt2
Posted
Yes the counseling app did help they have all kinds if therapists on there if you dont like one you can switch to another. And i totally understand what you are saying!! I have set the smallest goals for myself and i still just sit here at my house paralized with this crap. Im so tired of feeling sick, anxious and depressed. Ive tried a few antidepressants for a couple if months at a time and they only helped very little but their side effects were brutal and never let up even after weeks! I get so jealous if watching others live their lives free of this hell and i hate hearing them say "oh just get out and have fun you will feel better". They wouldnt say that to someone suffering from any other debilitating illness....they just dont understand
Contakt2 Guest
Posted
Ah, I saw the app ask a pretty high prince (at least for me). I'm unemployed because of my mental health problems. I still live at my parents house as well. I feel like a adult baby, it's depressing. I avoid almost every social contact besides them. Even phone calls give me anxiety. I just feel so uncomfortable in this world. I've been on antidepressants as well, but they didn't work for me either. I fear everything that effects my mind. Even drinking a cup of tea is something I don't do anymore. The most frustrating part is that I often don't even know where I'm exactly afraid of. I can't even imagine how it feels to have fun anymore. So seeing others having fun about things (I used to like) isn't really there. I can be pretty irritated by the smallest things, which isn't something I want to choose to do. It's goes automatically pretty much. That line you wrote down sounds familiar to me and it is pretty annoying indeed. I often feel like people don't understand and take me serious. But on the other hand, I can understand it, because you will only know how difficult it is when you've gone through the same. You can't see anything on the outside about me. I just look healthy, but on the inside I feel like a dying tree. About the future, well, every time I think about the future it's dramatically. I haven't had a single relationship because I've always struggled. In the past I always had hope my time will come eventually, but now, nope, it will give me even horrible thoughts thinking about it. I just feel like I don't fit with others anymore. I've had a pretty social life in the past, but that's just changed drastically.