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Hi everyone. I'm a 20 year old male. I've been suffering from anxiety for about 3 years now but these last few months have been the worst. I wake up and feel just weird, mentally and physically. Yesterday I couldn't even eat anything because of how high my anxiety was. Today I woke up and felt the exact same way. I believe I have OCD. My thoughts are constantly racing. My OCD is mostly religious based. My thoughts are filled with questions like "am I being possessed right now?" "Are demons in my head?" I try to convince myself it's just my anxiety, and these conversations and thoughts go on for hours, sometimes days on end and my heart starts racing, body feels numb and I just don't feel like myself anymore. I'm a Christian, and when I start feeling really bad I look up prayers online and repeat them to myself but they just don't seem to work. I'm constantly terrified of myself. I recently got prescribed Xanax but I'm too afraid to take it. I think "what if I take the Xanax and nothing changes and I still feel like this? Than I must be crazy and I'll be admitted into a mental institution for the rest of my life" "what if I get prescribed something else and that doesn't work either." These thoughts are consistent. I can't sleep correctly anymore either. The dark thoughts are another story. Sometimes I have thoughts like "what if my parents died? Would I even care?" Etc. and deep down I know I would be devestated. But the thoughts are still there. I've been thinking about seeing a therapist but I'm not sure. Thank you for reading.
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