Extreme anxiety and dark thoughts.
Posted , 5 users are following.
Hi everyone. I'm a 20 year old male. I've been suffering from anxiety for about 3 years now but these last few months have been the worst. I wake up and feel just weird, mentally and physically. Yesterday I couldn't even eat anything because of how high my anxiety was. Today I woke up and felt the exact same way. I believe I have OCD. My thoughts are constantly racing. My OCD is mostly religious based. My thoughts are filled with questions like "am I being possessed right now?" "Are demons in my head?" I try to convince myself it's just my anxiety, and these conversations and thoughts go on for hours, sometimes days on end and my heart starts racing, body feels numb and I just don't feel like myself anymore. I'm a Christian, and when I start feeling really bad I look up prayers online and repeat them to myself but they just don't seem to work. I'm constantly terrified of myself. I recently got prescribed Xanax but I'm too afraid to take it. I think "what if I take the Xanax and nothing changes and I still feel like this? Than I must be crazy and I'll be admitted into a mental institution for the rest of my life" "what if I get prescribed something else and that doesn't work either." These thoughts are consistent. I can't sleep correctly anymore either. The dark thoughts are another story. Sometimes I have thoughts like "what if my parents died? Would I even care?" Etc. and deep down I know I would be devestated. But the thoughts are still there. I've been thinking about seeing a therapist but I'm not sure. Thank you for reading.
0 likes, 4 replies
diane524 nnelso111
Posted
I suggest trying the Xanax. If it doesn't help, but I think it will there are other drugs to try.
Psyched_Out_Kim nnelso111
Posted
Try the Xanax, and make an appointment with your doctor. You may need antidepressants or therapy to get you over this hurdle. You're not possessed, and there's no demons in your head, unless you consider anxiety a demon. Everything will come together in the right time, and you'll get a better perspective on how to handle this.
The people here are friendly, so keep coming back and chatting with everyone. It actually helps.
Peanut1950 nnelso111
Posted
cia42277 nnelso111
Posted
Hi, An anxiety therapist or a good counselor would definitely help. I go to a counselor and he is excellent. He is a good listener and knows when to jump in and ask the right question or make the right suggestions. mostly he asks key questions that guide my thinking in another direction where I discover an answer or a clue to what is triggering anxiety and how to handle it.
One thing about a counselor (mine is actually liscensed as a social worker) is they can't prescribe drugs, so he is dealing directy with the problem.
I am not a believer in going right to a drug, HOWEVER, in the case of extreme anxiety, a drug is appropriate and often necessary in the beginning of dealing with anxiety, and that is what you are dealing with, not a demon or evil. My doctor changed my blood pressure meds to include an anti anxiety drug which took care of enough of the problem that I could think clearly again.
Now I work on "changing" my mind and what it is trying to do to me. It is my own mind. The bible mentions that the mind can be emnity against god (god's enemy and yours). That awareness is a great place to start. I don't remember where in the old testament it is, but there is a story about a man waking up in the night feeling something was wrong. He lit a candle, saw the devil sitting in the corner and said, "oh, it's only you." He then blew out the candle and went back to sleep. I'm paraphrasing, but that's the gist. In other places the bible tells us to basically keep our minds in captivity and a guard on our lips. So, what we think and what we say can be self destructive or self lifting.
In your own way it's important to start changing (training) your mind, for that is where these thoughts are coming from. My form of "oh, it's only you" is "oh no you don't" or just plain "shut up". Then I change my focus to something that will capture my attention, crosswords, call a friend for lunch at a fun place, play with the dog, etc. This will not only help you feel back in the driver's seat, but more self confident and calm. This is a good place to start. Think on these things. See if they feel right to you. If they do, find your right helper/counselor/therapist, asap. You can start the "mind control" right now. If you are too tight to handle that yet, start at the same time you start with your helper.
I don't share my problem with anyone who can't actually help me, so of friends and family the only one who knows is a very good friend who is also a counselor (not the one I go to) who undertands and helps. The rest of friends and family actually can't help me in this, so I don't go to them for that. They know I am dealing with something, but I don't burden them with all the details that would only make them feel bad about not being able to help. This works for me.
If you are a bible reader, during this time I suggest you only read Psalms. Very uplifting and inspiring. In fact, with your background, even if you are not a bible reader, get or borrow one and spend time in Psalms whenever needed. Consider it a spiritual prescription, sweetheart.
This is a great site for you. There are loads of people who can relate and really care. Well done for deciding to come here. Let us know how you are doing. You are not alone. Remember, THESE ARE ONLY THOUGHTS.