Extreme jealousy! Anyone else? Borderline personality disorder?

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I AM EXTREMELY JEALOUS WITH MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER ! so much so that i honestly would be happier to live alone . GOING OUT IN PUBLIC IS ALWAYS A SURE WAY TO CAUSE A FIGHT . I will see him looking at other women and I am instantly p****d for the rest of the day . IT HAPPENS AT HOME TOO when watching movies ! I AM SURE he is getting sexually excited when he sees these half naked / naked women . THIS IS WAY MORE THAN ME JUST BEING UNHAPPY WITHIN MYSELF . It brings out a hateful side in me ! I DO NOT WANT HIM TOUCHING OR LOOKING AT ME WHEN I FEEL THIS WAY ! I feel In a relationship both people should be devoted to each other and that goes for not even paying no mind or care for any other person in a sexually lustful way .. WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY !!! I have not ever met anyone that is to this extreme .

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  • Posted

    Hi Jen,

    Your thoughts are the cause of your suffering not the perceived situations.

    In my opinion you have 3 choices.

    1. Leave the situation

      If you can't change the situation. . .

    2. Change the situation

      Talk to him and explain your concerns and how they are making you feel.

    3. Accept the situation

      Learn to manage your thoughts and don't allow the feelings of jealousy to make you suffer.

      Peace 🙏

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  • Posted

    It's not you, it's HIM! When men do this, it is so obvious to us. We have a reason to feel unimportant to them. If he was treating you right, he would have those eyes glued to you in public and would be holding your hand or have his arms around you. That would clearly state to the public that you are his and he is yours.

    As far as the movies though, I would take advantage of that. That is on tv, and you are phsically right next to him!

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  • Posted

    jealousy is sadly sometimes an uncontrollable emotion that can destroy the possibility of having a good relationship with someone you love and care about making it impossible to stay together.

    if that's ok then you should just walk away and find peace for yourself and him

    if you truly believe hes the one for you and you don't want to lose him then examine your behaviour.

    Does he really oggle other women while you're out or is he just walking and seeing things around us that you cannot miss without bumping into other people, can you honestly say you never look at anyone else when you are walking around and I don't mean in a sexual way, just looking

    how long have you been together and are you both young

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    • Posted

      we have been together 4 years . Im 39 and have been like this with every relationship ! yes i notice people around me , and i know he will too but when i see him notice another attractive women theres a few second longer look and almost a quick up and down with the eyes . he swears he does not and is not looking like i think . . but he never gives a man or an unattractive women the up and down or even the quick direct look to their butt or chest . It just drives me crazy . to the point I would rather be single lol

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    • Posted

      Its a horrible feeling to be jealous, my X husband couldn't miss am opportunity to look at other women and didnt stop their, he had numerous affairs, some i knew about and others i only suspected till we eventually split up and then i was told by friends and family just how bad it had become, he cheated on his second and third wife and i don't know about the fourth they moved away, i think he ran out of options LOL what im trying to say is my next relationship ended because of my insane jealousy, i truly believed that every woman was being eyed up, they werent, I had some therapy and a good talking to myself and have been with my now partner many years, there were a couple of small blips but i learnt that every human looks at other humans but to be honest I love him and he loves me so you have to learn trust, can you remember what triggered this reaction

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    • Posted

      I do not remember these intense feelings with my first boyfriend , who i loved dearly, at 17. I dealt with a some issues with him and other women that could have caused this to start . But it did not help matters that the very next boyfriend after him was a pig and open with it . Never ending cycle since ! I do think I have an issue with obsessive thought patterns and it wears me out .

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    • Posted

      It's possible that these issues are brought on by previous events but you do have to draw the line at some point if you want to be happy, if you were hurt before then that answers some of the reasons your having trust issues but if your really with someone that's not good for you its now or never but you do have to be honest with yourself and decide if it's you more than him and you definitely need to then get some help and move on.

      its not just men who have roving eye's either some women are just as bad, some people cannot help it

      Its not all bad though to feel a little bit of jealousy its when it rules your life and relationships that its a problem.

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    • Posted

      A tiny bit of jealousy isnt so bad because if you really dont have a tiny bit then maybe theirs nothing there to rouse you but if your partner is making you extremely jealous i personally think that is unkind

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  • Posted

    maybe ....U r attracted to a narcissistic type of men who do not treat U well....? and that has caused U so much issues , yet .....U dont know how 2 deal with it .....?....I remember when I was crazy in love with some guy I also was extremely jealous ....from a perspective of time I think that deep inside me I ve felt that he did not love me/he just kept me around for fun/..... and that was making me so miserable and jealous ......its a terrible feeling when U invest more in a relationship then Ur partner does .....like the other person here said if he would constantly try to make U feel special hold Ur hand would not stare at sexy women maybe U would feel much more confident and happy ...?,,,unless U have some form of OCD ,then its really a different thing...but when one loves deeply he is jealous .....its pretty normal........

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    • Posted

      I believe I am attracted to men who have these issues ! I know there are straight men out there who view life as I do on this subject , who dont feel that need or desire to want or lust over others , and to not go along with mainstream society cause thats what makes them a "MAN" . I can get carried away with this argument lol . Its a lonley fight !

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  • Posted

    Hey Jennifer

    I hope you are well.

    As a 27 year old guy myself i cam tell u that most of the tome you get jealous, it is more often than not related to the situation itself but more your personal feelings.

    one thing i will say is guys know exactly when they r getting girls jealous and if they see a reaction to it, all u r going to do is boost his ego .

    Also remember that in my experience with relationships, most of the tome if u look closely its actually other women that wanted attention from a taken man as they r jealous, so they are more to blame not the man.

    otherwise u will probably find he loves u more than anyone and if u keep getting moody with him all that will do will make him feel unappreciated and make him turn the other way.

    apologies for the long discussion, but this what i have noticed in my experience.

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