Family issues - recognising and accepting alcoholism.

Edited , 5 users are following.

We understand that our married son is drinking heavily and although he has agreed that he has a drink problem he insists that he's NOT an alcoholic. It's probably affected his work and certainly is putting his marriage under extreme stress.

We're seeking information about how most people make the transition from accepting that they have a drink problem to recognising and accepting that they need urgent help?

We recognise that no-one other than he himself can do it for him, nor can we direct or guide him. We're lost, as is his wife! Help?

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hey Daveyrogers, sorry to hear about your situation. Your Son has said that he has a Drinking problem, you trying to squeeze him to say "Alcoholic" could be more regressive right now. I think you'll find a majority of People transition when it becomes the most inviting choice or the underlying problem has been addressed. If you chat to him and delve a little closer, you will likely find that the Drinking is a Symptom of trying to relieve or solve a different issue that has happened or is happening at the moment. And then drink won't just go away, it has to be swapped for something. Get him to chat to someone if you can. Someone that can see the situation from a fresh angle and to like minded people on platforms like here. I hope that we can help you, there is plenty of life experience, a wealth of knowledge and different characters from all walks of life right here. Feel free to PM me, BW Pistal666

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    • Posted

      Thank you for taking the time and trouble to reply. I understand that things are going on as before with his wife providing support and encouragement. We are at too great a distance to help a great deal in person, and telephone conversations and email aren't terribly helpful when attempting to bring up the subject if it doesn't arise spontaneously. Thanks again.

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  • Posted

    hello .. i personally think if your using alcohol as a crutch .. for any situation you might have a 'problem waiting to happen' example had a bad day .. im going getting a bottle .. had a great day .. im going to have a drink ... just been ASDA .. did the weekly shop boughy some beer .for the wknd .. oh it doesnt matter if i crack one open now .... it just merges into a problem and then you find yourself in a position where ... theres no acceptable time to have a drink you just have one .... my advice ... is he needs to maybe try and replace fake high .. with natural high ... go and encourage him to find something hes good at or enjoys ... if he hates his job discuss finding a way to make changes ... i know and understand this isnt always possible ... get some alchohol free beer ...get em lined up in the fridge fir the hit of a cold one ... encourage him to make a boundary and stick to it .... even if its for a week .. its empowering to go against yourself and once achieved .. bigger steps to follow .... its surprising how many people rely on this liquid .. and who are a weekend away from everything going wrong with the potential damage it causes .... this is what i did anyway .. life on the otherside is surprisingly good ... x

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    • Posted

      Thanks Tori, and yes, I think that's where things began for him too. However, when life come back at you and seemingly knocks you down several times in rapid succession, it can be difficult to appreciate a 'good day', can't it?

      We empathise and support where possible and trust that there will be a 'good day', or better still good days soon to appreciate and celebrate.

      Thanks again.

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  • Posted

    The word 'alcoholic' strikes fear into many drinkers because they fear a life without alcohol - how will they cope? It is a very stigmatizing word and most people within the treatment arena no longer use it because of this, and because it is not actually correct anyway. Why put a barrier to treatment up there, when using the word conjures up images of what people see in movies etc?

    Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) is now used and it is a spectrum, ranging from binge drinking, mild dependency, moderate dependency and severe dependency. It is a recognised medical condition.

    Your son may not be aware of this, but if he catches this and deals with it in the early stages of the spectrum, not only will he not get progress further to the wrong side of it, he probably won't even have to stop drinking completely, unless he wants to of course.

    My suggestion would be to approach it from this angle and see if he is more receptive to the fact that he is in the early stages of a medical condition that can be treated without all the images that his brain comes up with when he uses the word 'alcoholic'.

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    • Posted

      Oh, and for yourselves and his wife, there is an absolutely wonderful book called 'Beyond Addiction' by Jeffrey Foote. I can't put a link here, but it is easily found on amazon, or anywhere like that. Read through the readers reviews of the book and you will see how much it has helped others.

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  • Edited

    Apologies for the delay in replying. I have only just read your post.

    Joanna, a very experienced counsellor, has given you great advice. Take on board what she says as its excellent and i cant add anything else as helpful.

    I am proof that you can recover from AUD and still be able to drink safely and responsibility after a period of sobriety.

    Please update the forum on how your son gets on

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    • Posted

      Thanks, VickyLou!

      I hope we will get an update. There seem to be a lot of people asking questions, then not coming back again. Let's hope it's because they got the help they needed and have forgotten to update the thread later.

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  • Posted

    Thanks for the reply 😃 I didn't realise that you were not in regular company with your Son. You can't do anything but be there. Give genuine help when it is genuinely needed. Keep in contact with his Wife, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, so you are worrying about what you think is their Day to Day routine and the quantity of drink being drunk. I don't know about anyone else, but I used to lie about the amount I drank to people, face to face. Over the phone and to your Wife you only disclose drinking the amount you get caught out with. There is nothing much you can do over the phone, about what you think might be going on. So if you must worry, save it until you can reason it. He needs help, He needs to want it, He needs to get it. Don't enable Him and you are doing the best thing any Parent could do in your situation. x

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  • Posted

    ...oh, and offer advise only when it's asked for, it's the only Time it'll be heard...... An ultimatum on the other hand! lol 😉 JK

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