Father enjoys talking sexually

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Hi, I am looking for some support on this important yet disturbing topic.

I am a 29 year old man. I am wondering is there anyone who can relate to this, where a father enjoys using subtle sexual innuendos? It has baffled me for some time and made me wonder why this occurs. I'm not sure if there is a subconscious attraction towards me which has troubled being bottled so then becomes sexual. Or could it be out of desperation where one is seeking instant gratification? No doubt, people do get pleasure from using innuendos or subtle sexual talk with people they are attracted to. Here I can even talk from personal experience with women. When I've dated some girls, we flirt and sometimes throw an innuendo here and there and it's cool, it's attractive.

But in this type of scenario naturally it is very, very wrong. I find myself being a victim of another man's sexual gratification. I am wondering if anyone else can relate? Anyone that may come to you first thing in the morning and last thing at night for a "session", a "fix" of one-sided sexual talk. How do you deal with this?

I use my earphones wherever possible to block out the sound, some times I will even put my fingers over my ears. Anything to drown out the voice, the sexual word vomit. It makes me feel physically sick.

How else can I avoid being the victim of this disturbing sex game? And am I right to believe that this is not normal? It is not my duty to provide someone's gratification if I don't want to. Even if it is only verbal. No one should have to endure anything that they do not enjoy.

5 likes, 8 replies

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Chrisk

    Sometimes Fathers may use this sort of talk when their child becomes adult, Two men together comes to mind.

    If your Father is talking suggestively and He is asking for you to take part in a sexual way that would be a problem, tell Him to stop, telling him His suggestions are wrong and can he stop these type of suggestions.

    In my life my father would discuss with me the problems He was happening wit my Mother, I could not break this habit He had got himself into.

    Fathers, Parents can draw a child into activities that are private to the couple, the danger you may bring out is a resentment with one or the other family members and this can become a further problem when say your Mother finds out what has been said to you regards either partner, you can end up in middle ground where on side keeps going on about the other, this can break the Family Unit.

    With your Dad try and be firm, but kind. It may be your Father is treating you like another Man with Man Talk.

    You need to tell Him to stop and explain this is distressing and also not part of your attitude to life, if that des not work walk away, keep doing that until He stops and takes into consideration your feelings and belief.

    When I was in my twenties (70s) my Father and I would go out once a week or so for a drink. We ended up within a group of Men and talk seemed to get around to bits of men talk. That was basically accepted then.

    In my case that sort of conversation was better that talking about my Mother in a negative light.

    Be firm but kind

    BOB

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  • Posted

    Hey chrisk89,

    Who's father first off? Yours a girlfriends? You need to make that clear. But ill give a go at this anyhow. Some people may as you say be holding in possible feelings towards the opposite sex and not know how to express themselves in a proper manner. You should approach this person and let them know it makes you feel uncomfortable to please stop. I mean if it makes you uncomfortable and after you have already spoke to him on the matter then try avoiding this person by all measures. Leave your beliefs out of this because the only person you can change is yourself.

    Goodluck...

    Damian

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  • Posted

    1 ignore him. as if you did not hear him. go on with your activity you are busy with.and do not even keep such dirt in mind. why to think of it again and again. any self respecting shall stop such activity if ignored as if he is not around and his presence/voice is not acknowledged.

    2. as next step, tell him gently that you do not like it.

    3. move away to other room . do it for some days and he will stop by this subtle insult.

     

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    • Posted

      I have been doing this but it seems as though my discomfort is attractive and providing gratification.

      It seems also that there is a great interest in my relationships with the opposite sex. My family have seemingly worked together to prevent me having any contact with them. I think they do not want to see me with anyone, like I belong to them and no one else.

      But naturally I do want to pursue a relationship. I think it is hard for family to accept that I need someone other than them, it is like they feel rejected. But I can't change how I feel. I am a grown man, a man that needs a woman and wants a woman that desires the same. No person in my family can replace this person I desire, no matter how hard they try. Infact, the more they try, the more it makes me move away. But it seems they enjoy seeing me cringe, it has become an attractive thing to them...

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    • Posted

      well, in that case, solution is to stay unshakeably calm, because you are right. This should give you peace of mind.. no use in getting angry or upset. . focus more on life.. one of typical problems of our life is these type of annoyances and when it is from family members , it is very difficult to endure because we have to meet them daily.. 

      obviously they are not yet mature to raise a son, but then you have to have additional maturity in tackling their desire for possessiveness by striking a balance..at least give it a try.. talk to mother..xx

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    • Posted

      I think that is one of the issues. I guess some people are never mature enough to raise a son. Some people stay immature their whole lives. But I can't let that immaturity define me, I know I am above that.

      I'm no longer angry or upset, I don't feel anything any more. I just observe the damages and carry on. He is now trying to leave random objects around where I live, I'm not sure of the purpose and leaving the tap running. I think this is supposed to irritate me... somehow?

      I don't know why people are so possessive over me. I ain't that special, there's plenty of other people out there. Yet it seems they always go out of their way to approach me or talk to me and I just don't want to know. Sometimes you want to do your own thing, I guess that's how it is with this anxiety. It's like if I want someone there I'll say.

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  • Posted

    Well it sounds to me like he is enjoying making you feel uncomfortable!

    As soon as he starts to do this then I would clearly and calmly tell him that you are not interested in having this discussion before walking away.  Sounds to me that he is a bit of a bully.  Don't feel bad this is his problem not yours!

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    • Posted

      I think he is most definitely receiving gratification from these actions. I have become intimidated to the point where it is difficult to say anything. I just seem to freeze as a rape victim would when being raped. It's like you can no longer speak or move, you're just paralyzed.

      He is definitely a bully to do these types of things. I seem to attract a lot of bullies and very negative people. Not here of course, everyone on here seems so positive and it is a breath of fresh air. I would like to thank you all for your support and kind words as it means a lot to me.

      I was originally beating myself up and thinking it's something I'm doing wrong. But I now know for sure that there is nothing I do or say to cause him or anyone any harm or discomfort. If anything, I've become too much of a people pleaser by not doing anything about it. I can now see that you are right stephie, this is a problem they've created in their minds and unfortunately I am their victim. Although I have a choice whether or not I see myself as a "victim". It's subtle enough so that I can't really speak up on the abuse, but regardless I will smile as a survivor. I am religious and I know God is aware of everything going on, we all pay the price in the end.

      I guess all I can do for now is switch myself off every time they try. That way I will not feel any discomfort, I just focus on my mind and my breathing. Leave them to lie in their own s**t that they've created with their own minds. I know one day once I've moved on I'm going to write a book about it all and probably publish a few articles on a blog to share with the world. I'm sure I'm not the only one that deals with bullies, I know there's a lot of campaigns around the world trying to stop these b*stards.

      If anyone else is feeling victimized by these types of people feel free to share your story, I will read it all. Let's help each other get through this.

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