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Exactly a week ago from today I woke up in a swanky hotel room in Vegas about 1pm in the afternoon. The sun was squeezing through the crack in the curtain as searing pain was searing into my head.
I felt like a pile of warmed up sh*t. I began the oh so familair and futile exercise of trying to peice together what happened the night before.
Immediately I felt dread. Didn't want to look there. Feel sick.
Lucklily for me, my husband was with me and unluckily for me, he filled me in on all the gory details. This included meeting people I can't remember..a very stressful drunken walk back to our hotel in heels and apparantly me getting very upset with him over something and hitting him. He has no idea what that was about as I was absolutely incoherant. He eventually succeeded in getting me back to the room where I obviously passed out.
I am a successful, confident and attractive 48 year old woman. WTF was I doing???
I thought about it very hard all that day. Finally it came to me. I was doing what I've been doing since I was around 16. Drinking.
You know that thing...it's the thing that we grow up and look forward to doing. Our parents showed us the golden light of booze and it looked glorious.
Anyway, I won't go on too much about that right now.
On the day in Vegas I could of had a drink to 'level me out', but I felt so bad that I just couldn't. That night I went back home to LA (it felt like the longest journey in the world as we were delayed after missing the morning flight due to my state) I went and ran a bath. Then I put on my dressing gown, sat down and cried for a while. My husband comforted me and right then I told him that enough was enough. I had an alcohol problem and I stopped drinking.
I had a bad night physically and I got the sweats so much that I shook at certain points and hardly slept.
That was Day One. I'm on day 7 now. I have not touched a drop.
I've had support of a very loving (and relieved) husband who's done it with me. My best friend stopped drinking 2 years ago and she's messaging me all the time with love and support. I haven't been to an AA meeting yet, but I may well do. Not ruling it out, but not ready for labels and doctrines quite yet. If I f*ck up, I'll pull in more support, but for right now, this very minute, the sun is shining and my head is clear. My appetite has returned and I feel energised.
I actually feel happy. I realize that I haven't felt like this in a long time. Since I had my baby 6 years ago. That's the last time I was really sober.
Very very early days, but let me tell you, there is a world of not actually that bad alcohol free beer and wine out there. Plus many other delicious drinks you can have which don't make you act like a complete tw*t.
Good luck to you all in this journey of freedom.
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