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Fear of death is back. Also never had a job at age 27.

Posted , 3 users are following.

Guest
Guest

So tonight before bed I watched a program about live TV going wrong. One of the clips was of the live space shuttle launch which blew up. It really upset me, I've been depressed lately anyway but this really got to me. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Anyway I got into bed and tried to think of happy things. I live with my bf of 9 years who sleeps beside me every nigh so he was chatting to me. I actually got myself into a good mood and was even laughing. Then all of a sudden I was panicking because the thought hit me "What if you due one day?" I kept thinking about it and it really upset me. I've had these thoughts before but not in a long while. I also used to have vivid nightmares of dying. Well more so after death. (Since I was as young as 3!)

I don't get thsee thoughts all the time but when I do its hard to shake them off. I know I'm young but I can't help thinking about it.

Also because of my many anxieties I've never had a job. It does get me really down. I have applied for jobs but I've never even had an interview. I haven't had money off the government for 5 years and I was a student straight from sixth form so had my student loan. I feel like anxiety has held me back. My bf and I are going to pick up an application for a job tomorrow but I know I'll panic about all the things that could go wrong if I got the job.

I'm happy not having a job sometimes because I can relax and my ibs won't flare up if I'm not stressed. But I get lonely and I want to make my own money so I can enjoy myself and not have to ask for money. (I do odd jobs sometimes so I do have my own money at times but not a lot)

So yeah. I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes I have bad thoughts. Can anyone help me?

2 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • Guest
    Guest

    Posted

    Also I'm on a waiting list to go back to CBT. I went 5 or 6 years ago but really need help but the waiting list is so long..

    • barbara98940
      barbara98940 Guest

      Posted

      Hi rachael, try looking up a counselling/cbt website called fiveareas com

      I had counselling thriugh work and this website accompanied it. There's a book that goes with it, that as you've had CBT before you may be able to do on your own. Also living life to the full llttf

  • cycad
    cycad Guest

    Posted

    Hi rachel 59506.

    Maybe you could work on accepting that death - or what is called death - is a natural part of life, and a part of the natural order inherent within existence. Not something necessarily to be feared - which the culture has ingrained into our psyches - and realizing that, yes, all things that come to be, must also pass away. All things. It's just the way it is. There's no negative judgement in it. But also, death - or what happens after death [of the body] - is one of the deepest mysteries known to man. A real potential of possibilities. Looking at it that way has helped me deal with the anxieties placed around death. So, yeah, maybe begin to contemplate it somewhere along those lines when you lie down to go to sleep.

    All the best rachel 59506. I could relate to all the other things you said as well.

     

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