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Fear Of Going Crazy

Posted , 5 users are following.

onejess.
onejess.

I know you guys get tired of seeing me, but this anxiety & negative thoughts will not leave. Mental illnesses run in my family. I'm a 16 year old female. My mom is bipolar with chronic anxiety, aunt has it, grandmother does. But what scares me is that my brother has schizoaffective. I've witnessed his episodes & how he looks & reacts to things. I don't wanna end up like him. I don't want my anxiety to make me "go insane". I watch the news & see people who've committed horrible acts because they have mental illnesses. I don't wanna do that. Since I'm not taking any meds, I'm afraid that my condition will only get worse & from anxiety it will become something worse. I pray everyday but im still scared eventhough im not suppose to be. I just don't feel myself. Any help?

0 likes, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • sammytka03
    sammytka03 onejess.

    Posted

    Hello smile 

    Im so sorry that your family has had to go through years off mental illness - my advice to you would be to go an see your doctor. Talk to them and maybe go on a light dose off meds or theropy - talking really does help.! I dont think personaly yur goin to act in such a way that you think because yourv stated that you dont want too! Please visit your doctor an talk it through.. here if you need to off load! Iv sufferd years of mental illness more panick an aniexty its stemmed with my mum my sister also has bipola and my older sister also has aniexty to the point where she beleaves she dien! Atm mines more social aniexty iv made myself some what house bound for two-three weeks now and it hasnt always been this bad so i know it wont always be this way.. iv increased my does off citelopram from 20mg to 30mg im in day 5. Seeking help is a massive step in mental illness! Good luck 🤞🏻 

    Sammy x

    • onejess.
      onejess. sammytka03

      Posted

      Thank you. These fears just control me to the point where I actually believe it. Like I'm convinced that me watching watching my brothers schizo is contagious to me lmao. Eventhough has better now, i don't want it. It's like watching someone with cancer who dies & then being afraid that you will get it even though it's not contagious, but it rubs in families. I keep picturing irrational scenarios in my head & honestly, it didn't start until my mom just left yesterday & went over a friends house for the night. I think I may just be having separation anxiety from it lol. I never thought like this when she was here. It was always my health i was concerned about, not my mind. When she gets back i will talk to her & that will 9 times out of 10 make it go away lol. Thankyou for your reply though. It's very much appreciated ?

    • onejess.
      onejess. sammytka03

      Posted

      I'm also expecting a period & a history of pmdd rubs in my family so that could contribute heavily to how im feeling. My ovaries were in excruciating pain the other day lol

  • tanya94586
    tanya94586 onejess.

    Posted

    Hi Jess. Didn’t realize your family life was that stressful. Sorry to hear. Sounds like it could definitely be the reason for your anxieties. 

    When my parents divorced, my dad started a new family with someone who was a whole heap of mental illness as well as her other children from previous relationships. One of her kids, as well as myself, the 2 that ended up doing well, had to make a new life for ourselves. I know you’re only 16, but work on tools now that can get you away from the situation as it sounds like you have a good head in your shoulders. Study hard, keep it together, surround yourself with good people and support, and when you’re in a position to get out then take it. Start a great new life for yourself. I ended up leaving on a plane with a one way ticket to London and 2000 bucks to may name. I now have a house, husband, job and 2 great kids. I go home to visit and Skype is great for keeping in touch with my family which i do regularly, but for my mental health, I had to leave and hope for the best.  The fact that you’re aware and know of what you don’t want means you won’t go down that route. People like that have no choice without intervention because of their condition. Hope this helps. 

    • onejess.
      onejess. tanya94586

      Posted

      Yes it does help. Thank you. It's just in scared that i will suddenly take a turn for the worst. That i won't be able to control my actions, you know "going crazy". I'm scared of being put into a mental hospital in one of those jackets in s room by myself. I'm scared that i will be locked away with doctors shooting me up with medicine. I know I don't want yo hurt anybody or do anything to break the law or just anything bad period. But what if my condition takes over & i can't control it? What if i start hearing voices? It's just a whole bunch of "what ifs" thats popping up. Everyone has moved on from my brothers actions & he's even been okay. But my anxiety keep making ongoing irrational thoughts that I just can't control. I had thanksgiving happy, Christmas, all of that now all of a sudden it's a new fear. First it was my heart, then infections, now my mind. When will it stop? Lol. It's tiring, exhausting, embarrassing, & i didn't use to be like this. It all started when i was rushed to the er for acid reflux from school. I was for certain that it was a heart attack. From there it just stemed on. I was obsessed about my heart. Finally saw a cardiologist. Nothing. Now it's something else. I haven't been to school in a while & that's when everything just went downhill. I'm just tired & scared of everything & I don't want to be. I can never just clear my mind. I'm afraid my brother schizo is contagious to me lol. He never had it when he was young, it was just after he left & went on the streets & to jail. Now that he's back & he's doing better, what about me? My brother tells me I need to have tougher skin which i do believe. I need to learn how to let go & enjoy life. I just need help...

    • onejess.
      onejess. tanya94586

      Posted

      & The thing about it is, my family is EXTREMELY supportive & loving. Most of my family really grew out the mental illness. You know we have our ups & downs, every family does. But we know how to get past it with love & laughter. I just need to know how to ignore these thoughts. I know it's a long reply sorry lol

    • tanya94586
      tanya94586 onejess.

      Posted

      I’m glad you have a great family. That’s good.  I feel back to square one with anxiety at the moment since I got strep throat a couple days ago and was in so much agony I didn’t sleep for 2 days, couldn’t eat or even swallow my own spit! I’m got oral steroids to help with the inflammation but they are making me feel like I’ve taken 3 sudafed so it’s making me panic again. Heart racing, my breathing just seems too free and easy and effortless. I’m trying to calm myself down from an attack for the last hour. I won’t be taking them again that’s for sure.  I hate taking pills so now with Prozac, steroids, ibuprofen, penicillin and birth control I’m getting pill panic! I was doing pretty good there for a while. I hope when they wear off it goes away.  
    • onejess.
      onejess. tanya94586

      Posted

      Yes! I also have to take a lot of pills but don't. Xanax, Propanolol, Zoloft for anxiety, Bentyl for irritable bowel syndrome, tylenol w. Codeine, Ibuprofen, & Steroids for my kyphosis, & Zantac for Acid Reflux. That way too much! Eventhough ive had a stress test, my heart beats so fast when i start walking at first & i still get scared. It took me 8 mins & something to get to 175 beats. All my heart tests were fine but I still worry. Echos, xrays, bloodtests, stress tests, ekgs, holters. But still pains & papls even when im not anxious sad. But yeah the meds? No. I hate them. I'd rather be in pain lol. I hope you feel better though ?. Don't panic it's okay.

    • onejess.
      onejess.

      Posted

      But don't take them*

  • samThe1995
    samThe1995 onejess.

    Posted

    I know this is late, and you probably got over it, but I like this reply someone told me. It made me feel kinda happy I have anxiety, because it's true! We are super focused on the right now, and or the future!

    No one with panic attacks and anxiety has ever gone "crazy". In fact, because you realize that you have panic attacks, this is just another indication that you are not going crazy. People that "go crazy" lose contact with reality.  Anxiety people are TOO much in contact with reality. Thus, people with panic and anxiety problems NEVER "go crazy". It simply cannot happen.

    • onejess.
      onejess. samThe1995

      Posted

      Thankyou for that. It helps a lot. Yeah I did pretty much get over it lol but if the fear comes back i will definitely remember your comment. Thanks again 💕

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