fed up
Posted , 7 users are following.
I am on the recovering side of a really bad flare up - today my workplace forwarded a couple of payslips - one where i was paid my full salary the other with my statutory sick pay which is so much less. my husband obiously read them because tonight at my daughter's when i said i needed to have a recliner to sit comfortabley in he said, well you will need a salary for that. he knows im not going back to work because right now i am just not well, but it hurt. it really hurt. he has made a few comments previously about how I am going to manange - i keep telling him we will manage - its not like we have a lavish lifestyle - we go on holiday abroad every year sure, and get away a couple of times a year within uk but he seriously made me feel like a totalwast of space tonight. *sighs*
1 like, 10 replies
Magpie2me peta99573
Posted
Well at least you are recovering from that last bout. Listen sweetie, men are not the most empathetic beings unfortunately. It is rare that a husband gives the needed support and understanding. I have learnt not to expect it and that way I am not disappointed. Get that reassurance and comfort from those who understand. Worry and fear fuel men's moods, so don't take it too personally sweetie. You are not a waste of space! You are precious to others. Work on building your self worth and esteem. Do some online personality tests. You will see your lovely qualities. Never look at yourself through the insensitive comments of others. xx
jillian41791 Magpie2me
Posted
..So we'll put, Magpie!
I agree with you totally,.
I m getting more into metaphysical info and alternative therapies to help myself, mind and body as I need to now, since I wasn't really sure who I am anymore since not working in 2-3 jobs at a time for years and then suddenly not able to do any of it anymore...forced retirement for now at 54 and now my husband doesn't want to work anymore because I'm not...I'm feeling a bit better now in past week since my first injection of Humira, have moved out and the fibro flares have just about disappeared..( reduction of stress ) and I'm hoping I may be able to return to some form of paid employment soon.... Best thing is I'm feeling a bit more hopeful now.
....Just got to work on my self esteem again.
Living in negative environment never helps anybody. Just need to work out what make s us both happy... And we're both working on that. You are a wise woman Magpie, I can tell! Stay on this forum as you do good!
jillian41791 peta99573
Posted
I really feel for you Peta and sounds like we are going through exactly the same thing...My husband , most times is not nice to me, it's easier for him to be angry, blameful and ignore me most times- I've caused so many extra problems, especially financial ones, since I also cannot work my job in disability as support worker, or any of paid employment right now, especially since fibro flares have been occurring pretty bad and intensely these past 4 months. I have been diagnosed with ankylosing Spondyloarthritis about 18 months ago and now the fibro in the past 4.5 months.
I have regular counselling and he totally refuses it and won't dare discuss it with any of our friends or family although they are all aware of it...
Because I don't work now, financial stress has increased and my inability to work while I go through the processes to see if each treatment will work or not is time consuming, it will probably mean that we ll have to sell our farm because it's too much for him and it couldn't have happened to me at a worse time, while our mortgage is still pretty high. Communication has been very difficult but is better since I moved out, am still doing light duties mostly bookwork for farm and we both working with rural counsellors to examine options around this problem.
They get so use to our contributions that they squeal pretty badly when we can't keep it up.
He tries to make me feel guilty all the time but I told him its not all my fault. I didn't ask for this and It could have so easily have been him first! I'm 54 and he's 57. It's in my genetics, the AS and fibro flares mostly due to emotional and physical and psychological stress and weather changes and fatigue by over doing it!
Hey Peta, keep following these forums as that's best support I've found and also suss out if there's anyone near you that can give you support..I'll be here if you need me...to help others is to help myself!
Magpie2me jillian41791
Posted
oTixxyo peta99573
Posted
I feel for you peta. I'm currently cleaning the kitchen at 1:15am because my fiance got angry at me as I couldn't sleep. I'm undiagnosed so completely spazing out as the doctors seem to have no idea. I'm 24 I shouldn't be like this and I've been like this for the past 4 years. It's so frustrating anyhow I was looking through the forum whilst in bed and as I have a doctors appointment on the 5th I noticed some things I hadn't written down symptoms wise to tell my doctor.
I tried to be as quiet as possible as I quickly added some symptoms to the list that I had forgotten about. It woke him up and he snapped at me because he has work in the morning.
I've had a hard day which started with the fact my new fridge freezer (my old one was playing up majorly and stressing me out as at one point I had to throw out a complete fridge of food) the bloody thing wouldn't fit through my kitchen door and I couldn't unscrew the doors and draws so stressed out. I then found out that my nan is suffering from Alzheimer's. I haven't spoken to her in over a year because she got very nasty and didn't want anything to do with me. So I'm feeling pretty guilty as it's not completely her fault. And then my pain flared up... Big time I could barely move all evening so I had a bath and that helped then pain killers which is how I'm.moving now.
I just feel completely guilty because he's working so hard to try and give me everytime need as I can't work, he's usually very understanding but I'm still upset by his snapping. Ah well... Life moves on
Just try and be positive (sorry for my rant it's just been one hell of a day, and my meds have made me a little foggy lol)
oTixxyo
peta99573 oTixxyo
Posted
thank you everyone for your kind support. i think the worst thing i he is a really lovely man -most of the time - but givin to saying things which i am finding harder to deal wiht. most of the time I roll with the flow, but right now it is as though his words land hader leaving me reeling sometimes, - i tried explaining it is thogh he were actually striking me - the words leave bruises - iknow this has probably got more to do with how i am no longer resilient due to the pain - the pain meds - the pain meds side effects - an now on almost no meds - oh and had 4 teeth out and am reeling from this too - currently through in our sitting room with the sofa bed out - listened to some music with the headphones on - dirfted off but woke with that awful 'sparkler' kind of pain - can't think of another way of describing it-like being zapped with electricity - god what a moaning whining faced crabby old b***h I have turned into. i want ME back. I want the happy - genuinely happy ME back! seriously hate the idea of living to be as old as my parents - 86 and still going strong. cant abide the thought of another 25years of this.
oTixxyo peta99573
Posted
I know exactly what you mean. I'm so worried about the kind of pain I'd be in if I were to fall pregnant etc. I know people with fibro have managed too and survived but it's such a worry especially with how painful labour already is. Gah.. I miss the old me, I had other issues but I could cope ya know? Now I just feel like I'm floating and my Dr's seem no help whatsoever.
I hope you start feeling better soon. I think men struggle watching us go through pain that they can't understand nor help with. My other half just wants it to go away or heal it himself but he can't and I think that's frustrating for them.
Just keep going and hopefully a medication combo or hell even a cure or something will come up in the next few years.
oTixxyo
judy1947 peta99573
Posted
Sounds like your husband needs to get educated about your illness. I know how difficult it can be to explain to others how badly you feel. I have a friend I've known now for 38 years and we don't talk much anymore. She thinks I'm a wimp and that I talk too much about my pain. I usually don't bring it up, but something will happen that causes me pain and I'll react. Then, of course, if I'm talking to someone they'll ask what's wrong and then I'll tell them. Anyway, when you don't look sick on the outside it's hard for others to understand what's happening to you. Your husband's understanding is critical
jillian41791 judy1947
Posted
Hi there Judy, yes, I've tried to tell him stuff but this upsets him. He's been to 1 Dr visit with me and 1 rheumy appt with me.
He has a lot to contend with with regards to repaying farm mortgage. Loss of my income has made things a lot harder. Since I've moved out , within 25 minute drive away, we both a bit happier, talking a bit more easily and I can still help when he needs a bit of help but will try always to not over do it.
My life is a lot more lonelier at the moment but that's what I need right now, to sort out health, wants , needs etc.
Working on all areas, but money is the problem so best to lie low for now, we'll soon have bit more once shear sheep, sell fat lambs.. Adapting..that's what happening and I won't give up! Plenty people worse off than us and we can start by helping others hey!
juliect45 peta99573
Posted
I'm so sorry hun, the worst is when the one you love doesn't get it. I get a lot of slick talk too and I'm over allowing it. I can't work in a job and I could prob get disability but I can't allow myself to get there without a fight so I created my own business. The best advice I can ever give to anyone who can't work is to go deep and think about what makes you happy u know money matters but if one can't function your health matters.