Fed up with my life
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hi. So I’m a man in my 30s and I’ve lived with depression for almost half my life. It just came on one day for no apparent reason and hasn’t gone away since. I’ve tried various antidepressants, and the only one I’ve found to have any effect is fluoxetine. I’ve been on the maximum dose of it for over 8 years now. Sadly it doesn’t seem to be having the effect that it used to have. Towards the end of last year I started to feel like I didn’t want to be alive any more, and this has gradually got worse and worse up to the point now where I am constantly wishing I was dead. I am not going to do anything to end my life, but I just feel like if something happened that killed me off I’d be happy about it. I just took the depression questionnaire on this website and scored 24 out of 27.
My wife used to be supportive but now she just admits that she doesn’t know what to do with me and that she can’t help. My best friend also suffered with depression and he took his own life a couple of years ago. From what I saw and what he told me, he didn’t seem to be suffering as much as I do, but I suppose I couldn’t see inside his head. I just keep thinking that he had the right idea. I’ve made a GP appointment today. The best they could offer is a telephone call in 10 days time.
I don’t know why I’ve written this here. I guess it’s just an outlet for me as I don’t know where else to turn. Sorry you’ve had to read it but thank you if you have.
0 likes, 3 replies
kyle99 jb370
Posted
Hey man, I know how it can feel when you get dealt with someone so debilitating and life-changing, especially when, as you said, it comes on for no apparent reason and knocks you off your stride. That is exactly how my anxiety and depression came on for me when I was 13. I was just hit with it one night before going to sleep and it never lifted, always a fog clouding my day and making everything that one shade duller than what I can remember before my mental health problems.
I was given fluoxetine by my psychiatrist and I haven't really seen success on that, or the 3 other antidepressants that they offered me and it can be terrifying when you feel that sense of hopelessness, especially if something has worked in the past and doesn't. I will say I read that antidepressants are used long term when they are proven to work for at least one year. I have family that have had to swap between different antidepressants over their lives as eventually one of them will just lose their efficacy.
It sounds like you have had a rough couple years, and I am really sorry to hear your best friend took their own life. I can only say I hope they have found peace in wherever they are now, and that you are so very, unbelievably strong for carrying on yourself. I do believe that major event in your life, coupled with the global turmoil of what the planet is going through could be impacting your mental health, directly and indirectly. You are making the right choices in contacting your GP and if it is urgent you can always request an emergency appointment in hopes of getting seen sooner.
I went through those same thought processes when I was 18, I was just hoping for the time a maniac in a car would skid down the road and knock me over, because I knew I couldnt do the deed myself, which only made me feel even more worthless. It would be worthwhile for both you and your wife to attend the appointment and if possible, some therapy as it is important to have someone there who can be a helping hand, there is no technique to be helpful in someones time of need as often just having a person who will listen is a massive help.
Remember, there are so many alternatives out there and this could be as simple as changing medication. Your body has changed a lot in 8 years, so for all anyone knows, a medication that did not agree with you before might be ideal for this situation, or a new medication could be there that will work even better than your current medication ever did.
There is always something out there for everyone, and if you feel yourself getting low, depressed, or anything where you need to vent or talk, I am always a message away.
Take care and I really wish you all the best,
Kyle
jb370
Posted
So since I posted this I've also lost my job. So as you can imagine I feel even worse now.
I managed to get an earlier telephone consultation with a GP but the only thing he could do was to text me a link to the Royal College of Psychiatrists web page about depression and told me to have a read of it and it should help, which it hasn't.
joshuapryce1987 jb370
Posted
I would say you are depressed. It can impact mentality. The best thing i could say is, work on success and it will come. Use the medication to lower the effects of the depression, and deal with the issues why you are depressed. If you do not do this, you will spend the rest of your life relying on the medication. If you deal with the triggers then depression will be less effective on you.