Fed up with people attitude towards me

Posted , 4 users are following.

People really don't understand how anxiety and depression affect our lives. I have not been able to work for ages and am now living in extreme poverty and have got to the point where I have had to reach out for help. Some people don't really say much as maybe they don't want to upset me but most others say things that I find hard to deal with. I have been phoning people that I thought were my friends and just asking if I could borrow some money until my benefits are sorted out as I could take a few weeks and I have nothing to live on. Everyone is saying they can't help me at the moment because they are skint the selfs with it being just after Xmas and I totally understand that. It's just some off the remarks they come out with that upsets me. I have been accused of being lazy and should get off my arse and do some work. Do they really think I would be stuck at home doing nothing and living in poverty if I was able to just get some work and take care of myself. The problem is that people don't understand how much this illness debilitatates us do they? I tryed to explain this to a few people but they just say well ok then your depressed but you have your physical health so you can still work it not as if you have got two broken legs or something so what's the problem and someone said if you keep sitting around at home doing nothing it's no wonder your depressed. I don't choose to be ill but that's just the way it is and it don't make no difference if I'm at home doing nothing or at work I still feel like the living dead. I tryed really hard last year to work and pushed myself so hard and just ended up making myself more ill. I think that the problem is that people can't see this illness so they think it don't exist or think that we are just playing on it so as we don't have to work. I wish I could make them feel like me for a few days and see how they cope. It's so frustrating and I now even feel guilty that I'm not working and feel like I am a burden to society and the people around me. This illness is bad enough without having all this crap to deal with on top if it 

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    people dont unerstand our illness.some people dont and have never exprience depression.my husband is one who does not understand either.he has never took a antidepressant in his life.its a hard battle sometimes from day to day.people need to walk a mile in our shoes.we are not lazy the illness just zaps our energy.plus you got a double whamy trying to come off the pills.thats when every little thing gets in the way.it was the same with me.i had to go through two deaths last month.i have a child that looks up to me.he dont understand.i have you all and maybe 2 close friends i can talk to.dont worry about people that are uneducated about this disease.one day it just might hit them.i dont wish it on know one though,just saying.you find out who your friends are when we are down......i know how sick you must feel.i am there to.
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    • Posted

      Thankyou and that's what I like about this forum because we all understand each other. It must be hard for you having a husband that don't understand and also having a child to cope with while feeling so crap. My marriage ended because my wife didn't understand my illness and also I turned to drink because I couldn't cope hence ended up alcoholic so she kicked me out 
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    • Posted

      i been the alcholic myself.that life i can live without.it done nothing for me but get me in trouble.yes i do understand you,cause i am going down that road to.i know how bad it can get.there is people out here that dont have a clue.god only knows how they would really cope.
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  • Posted

    its a long hard battle and know one understands unless they been there.i wouldnt wish this on know body its really serious stuff
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    • Posted

      Yes it is a battle and a hard one but it can be done and has been done by many people. I have read a lot of books about this and read some really positive story's about people making a full recovery and having a great life. When I'm feeling like I do I get them books out and read about the success story's and it gives me hope and I say to myself well if they can do it then so can I. Just because its like this now don't mean it will always be like this. I'm still doing my research and learning a lot of ways to overcome this, I'm writing down notes all the time so as I can share what I know on this forum 
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  • Posted

    your such a postive person.i always enjoy what you share.i know its hard for now.like you said every day i hope is a change.take it one day at a time and we will get there.
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  • Posted

    The positive thing here is you have realised you need help and are reaching out.  Unless people have actually been through what you are going through and how bad it is they really have no idea.  I had to reach a point to, it was either exist or live life and like you found trying to work very difficult you will get through this.  If people don't understand surround yourself with people who do understand, are postive and can keep you motivated.
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  • Posted

    Hi Michael,

    Anxiety and depression effect people in many different ways, the trouble is you need to get your feelings across which is your current hurdle. You stated you are waiting for your benefits to be sorted out. May I ask, which ones you are referring to? Do you have a Consultant as well as a GP?

    Depending on which benefits you are on about, could get you out of your current situation. The problems these days is people do not know what they are entitled to, and can be missing out on numerous benefits, or they do not realize that claims can be done very quickly, under certain circumstances. There are holes in the system at the moment, but unless you know someone that can get you through to the right person, you can miss out on many. I know from my own personal experience with the DWP, which in the end the person I dealt with asked me "Why have you left it all these years to just put a claim in? - The problem was I never knew I was entitled to certain benefits, and if you get one it can affect many others in positive and negaftive ways. In my case it affected me by losing £3.00 roughly a week, but my weekly money increased by over £35 a week. So, what people say is true you can get more money but then lose more from another.

    Other benefits are strange when looked at from a logical point of view. I'm on benefits, but not all my life - I used to work, and I mean work 16 hours a day 7 days a week, back then it was okay by law to work 16 hour shifts, as long as I had an 8 hour break! I know you are probably thinking I was mad, but for me I enjoyed it, I would see people at work 16hrs a day - but had no social life, I didn't drink, but smoked heavily which my downfall @ around 40 a day!! I did not want for anything, because not being at home for very long. Never drove a car, I cycled to work evedryday in all winds and weathers. On the odd occasion I would take one of the girls out to the pub, never really was never in to permanent relationships. I literally had thousands in the bank because I hardly spent money, apart for housekeeping for my parents. For over 3 years I was like that then I had an accident at the young age of 22, that was a point in my life that changed everything. The company I was working for was based in Germany but had factories worldwide, and I was on the next transfer list to New York from the UK. Well, sadly that never come to be... The accident I had basically turned my life upside down, after 6 months the company put me off because of insurance issues and the condition I was in. I became very depressed, mobility started to become worse, and me well I was undiagnosed, suffering from seizures, the condition became worse as the years passed by, then just over 2 years later I was diagnosed with Focal Segmental Dystonia, Functional Episodes and Epilepsy. There was no cure, only one but the success rate was only 5% - which to me was a no go. Then the medication started, low at first then that changed over the years to over 40+ a day!! This included antidepressants, one of which had lethal effects if taken in a high dosage, don't get me wrong my life was really bad and I often thought of taking those as a wayout, I read up on them and seen they totally damage ones stomach in large doses. This played on my mind for months, not just because what I was suffering from, but also the negativity in and around me. I lost my parents within 4 years of one another, i did get married at one point, but my nephew died at 14 months in under 6 hours, my wife had a miscarriage, my father-in-law died, I was diagnosed with cancer but beat it, then I was rushed twice into hospital dying from the inside out. My wife and I had own children which did make my life a little better - but my condition became worse, I lost full mobility and needed care 24/7 - my wife caught me trying to overdose on a days worth of tablets, even now she does not trust me - I can't say I blame her.

    I know what you mean by living in poverty, and the gov't made it impossible for us to even get any loans or a grants just before xmas for a new cooker. The excuse was ridiclous, because I worked in the past I was unable to even apply. So, basically if I never worked in my life, I could get a loan or grant these days - that to me is just like saying to people don't work we'll give you loans and grants!  This country is so ridiculous, regardless whom runs the county as PM - Cameron, well everyone knows hes been the worse one in political history!

    How people live on benefits and go on holidays every year is beyond me! Last time we managed to get money to go holiday was 11 years ago, in North Wales at the end of season - cheapest time. And that was with the help of a charity! Let me know about the questions I asked at the start of this post, and I maybe able to point you in the right direction.

    Regards,

    Les.

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    • Posted

      Thanks les 

      I will let you know as soon as I do, but this time I'm going on job seekers allowance just in case I get some work as I'm self employed and never know as and when I will get some work. I don't feel like working to be honest but the thing is I can't stand being at home all the time but also I don't want to over do it like I did in the past so hoping to be able to just do 3 or 4 days a week. I'm sorry to hear about the hard times you have been through I think your very brave and strong. And your bloody right about this stupid government 

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    • Posted

      Hi Michael,

      I would be more than willing to help you get to the right person or department. The trouble is these days, people are not told what they cannot claim or not claim, many people lose out without even knowing. What got me is when my eldest boy left further education, so we lost Child Tax Credit and Child Benefit for him, that knocked our benefits down by about £240 a month (4 weeks). Yet we have one daughter still in school, so I phoned up the Council regarding the changes and the fact my eldest son had left further education and was now in part-time work, thinking it would make a difference to Housing and Council Tax - But I was wrong, they told me he could earn a £1,000 a week but you would still be entitled to full Housing Benefit and Council Tax! The reason for it was this: You claim DLA and in receipt of the Care Component High Rate, this excludes you from ever paying rent or Council Tax!!!  Well, that shocked me, since I used to pay part Rent and Council Tax a few years ago! How they work all this out I'll never know, some people probably don't even know this either. I was never told until I phoned to report a change in circumstances. eek

      Just PM me when you need some help or advice and I'll try and help you. My sister-in-law works for CAB, so I can get details from her on basically anything. Mind you some things I find out even she does not know about. lol

      I know what its like staying at home, day in, day out, etc. I try to get away from some of it by going on here, but you get days when you feel like getting out. In my case my wife has to drive our car, and wheel me around, I cannot even steer a normal manual wheelchair, last time I tried I scratched a foot long mark through the black paint right to the white primer! Being clever I tried to wheel backwards to get past the car and just made it worse. That was a brand new car on the Motability Scheme, about a week old... I'm terrible for steering or any mobility aids, started with a stick, can't get any worse...well, I hope not! 

      Well, I wish you all the best in getting some work at least to get you out of staring at 4 walls! I do that a lot, so I know what that is like.

      Regards,

      Les.

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