Feel Invisible, Unimportant and a Burden to My Husband
Posted , 9 users are following.
In April of this year my depression was at its worse, I had never actually been diagnosed as being depressed. i was a great actress to others, as problems/ trials would happen, I tucked them away inside. but it began to affect alot of areas in my life. Within a 2year period I went through 5 tramatic life changing events as well. In April, I could not think clear and didnt have the support at home that I needed, and my husband didnt show interest in learning how to deal, cope and help with depression. As I said my thinking was only negative, and with that combined with no interaction from my husband and not much from the rest of my family. What im about to share is not a story I am proud of. I attempted suicide by overdose. Per ambulance report, upon arrival I was 4 breathes per minute, then stopped breathing, cpr was done and I was in ICU on life support for 5hrs. When I woke up, I didnt remember what happened, I was in a cloud. I had to stay under Watch for 3days at the hospital and then was admitted to a mental behavior hospital for 6 days, with intense therapy. It helped me see that I wasn't alone and showed me some coping skills. I was asked to write down who I could depend on at home (positive influences), I wrote my husbands name thinking he would really try to understand and help me feel positive about myself. I have brought books for him to read, tried talking with him (he takes every word negative) , I even tried writing letters..Nothing has changed . I was diagnosed with reoccurent Major Depression with suicide attempt. My meds help me, as well as my therapist. I realized yesterday I had been depending on my husband to help me get better for 3months and I'm back to feeling invisible, unimportant etc. So, I am hoping that I (just me) can slowly baby step to feel at least a little positive. I have to do something because now the depression is causing aches in my body. I would like to eventually go back to work, even if p/t, then f/t again. I loved being independent and being able to pay my own house note. I know my husband carries alot of responsibility, and I tell him im thankful for him. But inside, i do feel resentment for him not even willing to understand Depression. I'm just looking for suggestions from others on how to defeat depression by yourself ,along with therapy, when your family life is not a positive surrounding.
0 likes, 8 replies
boing333 denise92680
Posted
I've spoken on here for a while about the downside of taking medication and I think when it comes to major, inherent depression, there is a time and place for it.
I will say this, however: Depression cannot be beaten; it can only merely be tamed. When it has been tamed, however, that is when you seize the opportunity to do more with your life, and only when you feel that confidence should you be able to do it with ease, with clarity and with focus. That is the time you become self-sufficient. Use that opportunity to invest your time in things you enjoy - hobbies, creativity, exercise, socialising.
At this point in time, none of those 4 things are appealling. I know what depression does - I empathise - but over time, you will gain more confidence to stand up on your feet and know exactly what you are going to do in the morning when you wake up but most importantly, how you are going to go about doing it before you go to sleep.
Therapy may help but it requires your input just as much as theirs, so it's important you find the right therapist that will listen to you, an it's doubley important that you convey to them what you feel the problem is. Doing this takes a lot of serious introspection, and patience.
When it comes to therapy - it really depends on what you feel is a problem. If you deal with a lifetime of woe and don't have the opportunity to speak about it then maybe counselling is your first port of call. If it's something about the environment you're in now that makes you feel and behave a certain way, maybe CBT is an option. If you are dealing with a particularly traumatic event that just seems to linger at the forefront of your mind, possibly EMDR is an option.
Whatever the case, I hope you find you find what you are looking for and whatever is missing in your life, I hope you find again.
denise92680
Posted
boing333 denise92680
Posted
20 years is a long time to have suffered from depression (I'm at year 15 now and I'm 30, so half of my life) but something I think both of us can look at, just as anybody can if they read this and have suffered as long, if not longer, is that the fact there's still air in our lungs means we haven't given up and there's still an inner strength there. There are people who are fighters and people who aren't - you are the former rather than the latter, and I'd encourage you to keep fighting. There will come a time for peace and that's what you need to focus on. Just take care of yourself and if you need any more advice then please feel free to send a private message on here.
katy01052 denise92680
Posted
marieC denise92680
Posted
Although you feel you are invisible, you are not and you are worthwhile strong and you should not be ashamed of how you ended up in hospital.
You came on here and told us what had happened to you. That took guts, so remember that you are a strong, beautiful, unique and wonderful woman. Maybe your husband no longer appreciates that or maybe he is just too scared and too proud to admit that he doesn’t know what to do, so perhaps he is burying his head in the sand hoping it will all go away.
You need to boost your self-esteem right now, so that YOU realise that you deserve to be loved, appreciated and taken care of, as you’ve given to your family while you were well.
If you have real friends, they can be worth their weight in gold, talk to them. Find hobbies or interests that you can love. Perhaps a Community Choir, art group, photography, anything that will make you feel part of something, instead of being totally on your own.
If there is a Family Action group near you, phone them, as they should have courses that can help you recognise others behaviour (which generally says more about them than it does you) and how you can deal with it without losing your cool. See if there are any other support groups or other organisations that may be able to offer help to you.
Talk to your therapist about how you feel. There are many different therapies out there so if the one you are on doesn’t work, there are others and some of them may be free. You need to look for them. There is the internet and yellow pages and also the library, community centres, doctors’ surgeries where you can look. Boing mentions CBT and EMDR, both good therapies, but CBT helps you to change how you react to how your react to your thoughts and emotions, which can be beneficial and EMDR can help overcome negative beliefs, especially ones that have been held for a long time and have been reinforced throughout your life.
Try not to let things get as bad as before. The Samaritans are always there to help. Talking really can help.
Above all, and it is worth repeating, you are strong. Depression, anxiety and panic attacks are NOT a sign of weakness. They are signs of having remained strong for too long. One in three of us will go though this at some point in our lives. I have, so many people have, you are not alone.
Please, if you need to say how you feel on here, do it, we shouldn’t judge you, not unless we judge ourselves.
Good luck with your journey, it is a journey, but I hope when you find yourself again, it will have had some fun and love along the way.
sue34151 denise92680
Posted
take care of yourself
suex
trisha1972 denise92680
Posted
Astrodude denise92680
Posted
firstly I am am a man and can only speak from a male point of view
i really respect your courage to post your story on a public forum and can only see that as a positive step forward in taking controll of your recovery
i have been depressed before, I have been on meds before, and I have considered ending my life on more than a handful of occasions
I have never had the courage to take serious action to carry any of my suicidal thoughts and have a wonderful support network, however I feel sometimes I am a burden and waste of space.
i agree with all the kind words that people have taken the time to say to you on this forum and would add that you have to look after you!
my wife is a wonderful woman but when I'm feeling vulnerable and looking to her for support she will sometimes remind me that she's not there to entertain me and cannot solve my problems, that can be painful to hear, but is honest and forces me to look at what I can do for me to help
one of the most useful things I have done for me is getting any sort of exercise, walking first, then leading to running, that was a wonderful feeling, being able to loose myself in exercise, walking was useful as my wife would walk with me sometimes and that would give us time to "share"
also just to add from a mans perspective we don't deal with emotions well, they confuse us, we sometimes don't understand how we feel, so trying to understand someone else's emotions especially your spouses when she is unhappy, is tricky, I often think I must be responsible when my wife is unhappy or cross, this can lead to misunderstanding and rows, I am reminded the world doesn't revolve around me and it isn't all about me often
couples counselling might be useful if your man can pluck up the courage to go, it's not admitting there is a problem as much as going to get lessons to improve on a relationship that works already
the most important person is you! Don't forget that x
i truly hope you find some peace in your heart and mind
peace and love to you Denise