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Feel like giving up please help

Posted , 3 users are following.

Bowling120
Bowling120

As you know from my last post I am suffering from OCD depression and anxiety. I'm too scared to talk to someone. Everyone keeps asking me at school why I am acting so different, I'm so tired of it. One minute I'll be fine then one minute I'll be crying or yelling at someone. My temper has gotten shorter. I tell myself that I am giving up on trying, it's hard to fight this constant fight with my self, it's tiring. One minute I am happy and then the next I'm sad, I always wake up telling my self I am going to force my self to have a good day but it's hard, it's hard too hold it all in so I come here to rant. I don't want my boyfriend to get tired of me telling him that I am depressed, and he thinks it's his fault that I am depressed and I feel so bad. It's not his fault of course. I'm scared I'm going to lose him and I'm tired of fighting this fight with my self. It feels like there is a happy side too me and a sad side that are in a competition and the sad side keeps winning. I feel like I'm worthless and I just got a job at a nursing home as an Stna and I'm scared that'll stress me out even more.

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • FinishResistant
    FinishResistant

    Posted

    You got a job? That is so wonderful! Congratulations! Your boyfriend cares for you as well? You should ask his advice and then take it. You should consider speaking with a professional counselor. It's their job to listen and care. There is no guilt in paying someone to do their job. wink
  • Bowling120
    Bowling120

    Posted

    Thank you but I'm scared he will get tired of my depression....he already thinks it is his fault. He is the only person that knows bout my depression, I'm too scared to tell anyone else. I'm scared people will judge me, and everytime I try to talk to my mom about my depression she makes fun of me and makes a joke out of it
  • FinishResistant
    FinishResistant

    Posted

    Well, it stinks but you can't control other people's reactions. If your mom doesn't want to take it seriously then that's a bit insensitive, but can only be fixed through discussion, if at all. Talking about things is important. Your bf may blame himself but that's his decision. You need to do what's best for you!!
  • pat53692
    pat53692

    Posted

    Hi Bowling, Sorry I didn't see your prior posts but do get yourself some professional help. Don't be ashamed because diseases do happen and your not at fault. Like catching the Flu. Is that your fault? Maybe about your mother could be the same way as mine. She just wants to think that her nice little boy is normal and I think it is her way of convincing herself that. If that's what she does to you and it makes you feel bad, if it were me I wouldn't bring it up to her anymore unless she asks you if something is wrong. Maybe then she will get the message. As far as bf, maybe try to do something nice or I should say a little special for him. Doesn't have to be big but just something out of the ordinary. That might help convince him. But be careful though, make sure he knows it won't become a normal thing unless you want. Good luck to you. I hope something works fast for you.
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