Feel like I can't go on anymore

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I feel like I can't go on any more. I've been with my fiancé with 2 and a half years. I love him more than anything and always will. We've had a typical relationship, good times, arguments, making up, and he's always told me that he'll always love me and I'll always be the only one for him. For the past few weeks he's been saying that we're probably not going to work and he doesn't feel the same anymore. Every time I even think about us breaking up, I feel like ending my life. I know some people will say it's stupid etc but every person deals with things differently. I love him and can't be without him. I've already self harmed a little since all this started, but know that if we do end I'll do a lot more than that. If I can't be with him then I don't want to be at all. He wants me to be ok with it all so we can still be friends but I need to be more than that with him. Help?

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  • Posted

    Katie,

    Hello! Sorry to hear what you are going through and thr feelings you have. These are real struggles! it will be hard but take a step back and try to look deeper into these feelings you have when you want to hurt yourself. The reason i say this is i have had similar times and measures that you are experiencing. My wife would say shes fed up with the way i act and blame it on my depression. I still havent fixed myself. My depression comes from being sexualky mollested as a very young boy and my little sister passing away.i latch onto people emotionally and when they leqve i feel like someone has died all over again, the fear of being left consumes me. so is it fear you feel like me? Is it fear of being alone? Only you know the answer to these qurstions. If he cant be there for you he DOES not deserve you. You must realize you are a kick a$$ person and anyone is lucky to have you. Dont depend on this man to try to find your value, chances are he is a big part of your problem. look at this break up as an opportunity to be yourself amd go outside and take a huge breath of fresh air and tell yourself how much you love you. Cry as much as you can on a friends shoulder. I am here if you need me as well!

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    • Posted

      Hi Dan,

      I'm sorry for what you're experiencing and have done in the past.

      It's not fear of being alone, because I've been alone before and been ok. It's being without him. He's everything to me. We've both done some stupid things whilst we've been together but we've also forgiven each other and got through so much together. I physically can't imagine my life without him.

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    • Posted

      That Is understandable. I can honestly say I have been in the position before when I broke up with who I thought was the one. My wife is leaving next weekend with our son to go stay with her parents for a while and I am terrified but I dont know what else to do anymore. As for you, give life without him a shot and see what happens. Hurting yourself over his absence just is not worth it, ya know? I realized that last year. Unfortunately we must go through these hard times to find out who we really are
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  • Posted

    Hi katie00130,

    Not sure if this will help but i have a quote that i think is quite fitting here. I can't remember who said it, but it says 'your value doesn't decrease based on someone's inability to see your worth'. I think this is an important thing for anyone who is going through a breakup or the possibility of a break up to hear. If you feel like you can't be without him, it may be because you feel like you are less on your own, if you get me; that you and your life aren't worth much without him. I understand that feeling, but it is honestly mostly based in fear. You obviously love him too, i just mean that fear of loss is exactly that-it's fear. And the feeling of wanting to hurt yourself if he leaves i think is maybe based in despair and thinking of anything you can do to avoid having to deal with the situation of him leaving, as it's so painful and scary.

    And of course, it's a horrible thing to go through, but it DOES improve. It takes time to heal, but you are not any less YOU because he's gone. If anything, breakups gve people more time to remember who they are, get back into what they love, see friends etc. The pain will subside, and you'll be left stronger for it, and you'll find someone who appreciates you completely for you. I'm not saying you should necessarily break up of course. Only you and he know the situation, but it will not be the end of the world if you do, even if it feels like it is. I understand that you can't imagine your life without him, but that doesn't mean that life isn't possible without him.

    And lastly, try to get past the initial IDEA of killing yourself, and truly actually think about it. You would be gone. Your family/friends would be completely devastated, you would never get to live out any of your dreams, or have any future at all. It would be absolute nothingness, forever (unless you're religious and you believe in an afterlife). So in my opinion, i know how you feel but if you really think about it, at least if you live there's a possibility of finding a new relationship, and  experiencing loads of wonderful things in your life. If you die, there is no chance whatsoever.

    I hope you feel better

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    • Posted

      I understand what you're saying I really do. But I felt worthless til I met him and do now I may lose him. I only had one dream in my life, to be with him forever. He's the only one that makes me feel like I'm actually worth something. I know my family/friends would be upset if i were gone, but I can't handle being without him. He's made me the person I am today and is the only person I'll ever want.
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    • Posted

      I understand the feeling of worthlessness. I probably have the lowest self esteem of anyone i know. The problem is, everyone needs to have confidence in themselves and some respect for themselves. It can't come from anyone else, or it doesn't really work. I know that's really really hard, i've been trying for a long time to find some love for myself. But that is the reason you feel you couldn't handle him leaving. It's not that life would neccessarily be that bad, it's that you don't like yourself, and you put all your self worth in him. I felt exactly the same with my boyfriend. I really thought that if we broke up i would kill myself. I thought about it so obsessively that it may well have actually damaged our relationship, so that's something to be aware of. Sometimes fear of losing something leads to the loss unfortunately, as it makes you act different. But you must be worth something, if you weren't worth anything you wouldn't have family and friends who would be so sad if you were gone. If you were gone there'd be a hole, a hole that only YOU can fill. There is a certain special something that your family and friends love about you, and you need to find that for yourself, and really appreciate it, because it means something, and it's worth something.

      And from people i've talked to, a lot of people feel like this. Almost everyone says 'i'll never meet anyone again' or 'i don't want to meet anyone again' or 'i can't handle this/i can't go on'. I'm not trying to belittle your experience, i'm just saying that it's a very common feeling. If you do break up, you'll be much better at coping than you think, i've been in the exact same place.

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    • Posted

      It's not that I'm not confident or don't like myself, I'm just a much better person being with him. Also, it's not just that I think I won't find anyone else, I also don't want to. If I can't be with him then I don't want to be with anyone else. I don't ever want to kiss anyone else, be with anyone else. What I'm saying is that I can't be with him, I won't be with anyone else, I'll give up on relationships altogether unless it's with him.
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    • Posted

      Ok, well that's good that you like yourself smile But you were saying you felt worthless without him, and that worried me. You are definitely worth something with or without a partner. If you want to give up on relationships for a while if you break up that's ok, that may help and give you time for yourself. But i have a feeling that eventually you will want and find someone else. I was exactly the same and i know many people who were the same too. Obviously i can't promise, as i don't know you,andit's your decision. But you can be happy without him. It's just hard to see it.
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  • Posted

    it is deffinetley hard when the people you want in yoyr life leave. katie, im going to be honest. Us male creatures are not easy to understand or deal with. I am trying to look inside your relationship as a third party not knowng either of you two. From the guys perspective, he may be scared of how much you love him and how much you thrive on his existence in your life. Some me get scared when a woman is all about him. So give yourself a shot and realize you guys may break up, it doesnt mean its over forever. Maybe if he sees how much you care about yourself on your ow. And. That you dont depend on him, he may come back around. I hope you dont take offense if i am being to forward (my wife says im an a**hole because im straight forward) i am not trying to be mean at all! This guy is probably scared of how much you love him. One thing you need to realize is if he is scared of your love for him maybe he needs to be without your wonderful self and everlasting kove to realize what hes missing. It may be hard for you more often then not if you want a man yo learn, doing it the hardway will yield yhe best results. Kick his butt to the curb and tell him to come back when he realizes what he has! You sound like a realky sweet person!
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    • Posted

      And sorry for the horrible spelling. My phone auto corrects properly spelled words so i just let it do it or i woukd be here all day typing
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  • Posted

    Hi Katie

    I know exactly where you are (((hugs))) it will get better, I promise you. I would say I'm proof but I'm probably better described as a work in progress.

    I could not have got through last year if it had not been for my fiance, I was caring for my terminally ill mum who died in October. My fiance and I had been together eleven and a half years. Over the years, and even in the weeks in the run up, he said he loved me to bits, felt something was missing when I wasn't about, I was his everything, etc then just before Christmas completely out of the blue he said he didn't want to go out anymore, that he still loves me to bits but doesn't know if it's like that anymore, still wants me in his life and hopes we can be friends although he said he realises that that is up to me.

    I lost everything that day, all my future, everything. It was just 8 weeks after I had buried my mum, I have no choice but to sell my home due to a clause on it activated following her death, and I lost him and our future and all our plans. As far as I was concerned I had no future and had only one option.

    I will admit, I fell big style and had a suicide attempt that night and I meant it, I even had the police called out to me by the person I sent my note to. But I am so glad that I survived and I just hope that I haven't done any lasting damage, all my tests at the time came back ok but I won't know for sure for the rest of my life and I now have to live with that.

    At the time I couldn't imagine living without him but now I can't imagine it with him. I realise that I am worth so much more and if he can't see that then it's his tough luck. If your other half can't see that then he's not worth you. You are worth and deserve so much more.

    My biggest problem was that I was living for him, everything I did and planned was around him. I rarely did anything for myself. Now I live for me. I have made new friends, my social life has exploded (I used to rarely go out, I'm not out or with people every day but I am doing things that I enjoy). In fact my ex even commented last week that he hasn't seen me happier for a while and even cried when he found out that I was possibly seeing someone because a guy was sending me text messages. In some ways he's in a worse place than me. 

    I too self harm and over the last several weeks I have done my fair share. I am lucky in that I have a brilliant GP, and am gradually rebuilding my support network (something I lost while with my fiance).

    I have difficulty opening up to people and very few people know exactly what I am feeling, and I describe it as people are in circles around me and it is only those in the inner most circle who I can truly open up to and that is what I had completely lost and am gradually rebuilding.

    I won't say it has been easy but I take things one day at a time and if I'm having a bad day or time I know I have people I can call on be that by text, call or going to my GP and falling apart in his surgery or by coming online either on here or there are lots of support sites out there.

    Sometimes I wonder if how I am at the moment is a plaster just covering the wounds and maybe some of it is but If it wasn't for them (my support network) I probably wouldn't be here now.

    I have recently met and have a new guy in my life, some people have said rebound, maybe there is a bit, but he likes me as me and is happy to enjoy life with me. It is early days and he knows I've had problems but doesn't as yet know the full details but he isn't pressurising me in any way and I've said I'll tell him when I'm ready. If it lasts, it lasts, if it doesn't, it doesn't but I am having fun and enjoying myself.

    I have had people say I was silly or stupid or an idiot for doing it so it is the one thing I will never say to anyone, I'm more likely to give you a hug (((hugs))), all I will say is things will get better, you can get there, I won't lie and say it will be easy, it won't be, you will have bad days as well as good, but you can do it. I can't take back what I did and whilst I don't regret what I did now (I did for a while but I have realised I can't live with that regret forever and to move forward I need to learn to live with what I have done) I know that I need to live for me not for someone else.

    If you ever want to talk, feel free to let me know. I know it doesn't necessarily feel like it but you will get there. 

    (((hugs)))

    Cari

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