Feel like I'm going crazy. Please offer any advice!

Do you have other close family you can lean on? You are going through a lot of terrible stuff love. these are  ig issues you have to deal with at sucha young age and i really hooe you some family there that are loving, supportive and there to help you.

hi i can really feel for you i suffer with depression, panic disorder severe anxiety and im also now an agorabhobic,  i lost my uncle in september and then my fiancee sadly and sudernly in December what ive learnt over the years is that it things like this will obviously trigger states of panic and the dark thoughts that you are having are part of your anxiety talk to your therapist and they will tell you anxiety attacks set off parts of the brain we dont really access also the upping of medication can affect your anxiety and unfortunatly brain fog tends to come with most anti des i am so sorry you are going through all this but remember you are not alone and your not going insane hope this helps take care 

Hi Paige,

I think this is all just part of the anxiety and depression. I too have a lot of problems similar to yours and the fuzzy moments you've been experiencing I also experience very often. I used to feel like you, I thought there was something way more serious than the things I'd been diagnosed with, I'm 21 soon and I'm only just really accepting that it is just the anxiety and depression. My anxiety was that bad a couple months back I was practically out of my body for over 2 weeks, all I could do was sit and stare into the distance or lie down and sleep constantly. Sometimes it does get real hard and confusing but don't worry. You are normal. What you've experienced is just a combination of the conditions you're already diagnosed with xx

Your ear buzzing may have been the start of a seizure but I am not fully convinced.

I lost a college friend and last grandparent when I was young and it was not nice for me either.  I think that your imagination is carrying you away regarding your IQ I am sure you are fine.  Distorted thoughts are a symptom of the schizophrenia group of illnesses.  I hope that helps you.

rich

Hi Paige,

You have completely described me in all but the depression. I had all your symptoms, brain zapp, dissociation, derealization, depersonalisation, horrible empty like feelings, a strange sort of panic, fuzzy brain, blurred vision, all of it. I would aslo see things in my peripheral vision but when I turned my head to get a proper look, there was nothing there. Here is a poem I wrote, if it helps:

Primordial Scream

Deep within my psyche lurks a primordial scream

It’s not my life I’m living, I’m trapped in someone’s dream

Some are quite contented wherever they may be

But me I yearn for something I just cannot quite see

I feel I should be doing, having, feeling, growing

But what that is exactly, keeps hiding from my knowing

It’s like a yearn for freedom, or a strange uneasy panic

And you know that it’s important so you’re feeling mildly manic

So I’m going through the motions like an actor in a sonnet

while I don’t know where the bus is but I know I must be on it

And life keeps marching forward every day, each week, each year

And I know I’m losing badly. It’s a hollow empty fear

But there’s no given directions, no guidance, route or map,

no precise instructions so the actor’s in a trap

There’s no way out, no way in, and decades more to go

If I never find the answers, it’s a pointless wasted show

Yet some are quite contented and don’t feel this at all

They just enjoy the moment and to them life is a ball

There’s nowhere they are going and don’t care where they’ve been

They fail to understand just why I’m lost within a dream

But is there really choice here? Where does peace begin?

What creates the yearning that swells and burns within?

Where’s the on/off button, the plug, the switch, the dial?

Is this my great performance or am I here on trial?

Terri Ann Laws

 

Hi Paige,

I hope that the other replies have encouraged you to stop thinking that you are abnormal or unitelligent - you sound like a very intuitive, articulate and switched-on young lady. It's understandable from your life experiences so far that you might be affected by some health anxiety issues yourself but try not to self-diagnose - leave it to the professionals. I wonder whether you have ever had any counselling or CBT - you might benefit from talking to someone. It's something of a cliche but it doesn't so much matter what happens to you in this life, but what's more important is how you deal with it. In other words, our attitude. Those of us who care deeply seem to be very prone to depression and it somehow disconnects us from our "normal" emotions. The brain often needs help (medication/therapy or a combination of treatments) to help us reconnect with our rational thoughts and characteristics. It doesn't seem as if medication on its own is helping you through your depression. The intrusive thoughts are very destructive (they take away any peace we might experience) but we often can't control them popping into our heads. However, we can learn to deal with them when they do pop into our heads. I just want to encourage you to do whatever it takes to hold on to the peace that does come to you at times. Also, I'm sure I don't need to say that each moment you have with your Mum is a precious gift. Many of us squander the time we have with loved ones and miss the chance to make the most of our time together. I wish you well and send you a big hug :-)