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feel like i'm losing my mind

Posted , 5 users are following.

jellybeans1
jellybeans1

i started a discussion about half an hour ago but i don't know where it has gone and I need help, so i'll write a similar one.

My depression has taken a strange turn recently, whereby I am convinced that something or someone is controlling my emotions and making me say and do stuff i don't want to. I was on the phone to a friend earlier, telling her that I think this. But, as I was saying it, my insides felt really weird and angry, like whatever it is that's controlling me is giving me a sign to shut up.

I feel really angry with myself, and I feel like my mind and thoughts are all jumbled, I was just wondering if anybody has experienced anything similar, and tell me i'm not going crazy?!

0 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • evergreen
    evergreen jellybeans1

    Posted

    Please go back to your GP ASAP. What you are experiencing are psychotic symptoms which could mean you have psychotic depression or even something more serious. It may be only temporary, but you will need a different treatment/drugs for this.
  • Allycats
    Allycats jellybeans1

    Posted

    I agree with evergreen. The symptom of believing someone else is controlling your emotions is a symptom possibly related to another mental illness. You should tell your GP about this symptom urgently to ensure you receive the correct treatment, for the medical/drugs side especially. In the meantime if you want somebody to talk to we're all here and some will have your experiences or similar. I recommend trying to detach yourself from this idea. If you get a thought like this let it pass you by, dont try to not think it, just realise it for what it is, just a thought.
    • jellybeans1
      jellybeans1 Allycats

      Posted

      I'm heading to the doctor tomorrow. It's been weird this past few days, I've never been like this before. I go to a support group, and yesterday we were talking about going to haunted places and stuff, and how they could hear and see the spirits! It just got me thinking that maybe that's what's happening inside me? I appreciate your concern, but I am 99% sure it is not psychosis as I know that it isn't rational of me to be thinking this way. It just seems weird, that as everyone was talking about spirits yesterday, it could be a genuine reason as to why my mind is playing up.
    • Allycats
      Allycats jellybeans1

      Posted

      Perhaps just paranoia then? I have suffered from OCD too and sometimes that can get thoughts stuck in your head, good and not so productive. At least you realise that it's not rational which is what I would hold on to. It sounds like you've got some helpful people/friends around you at least?
    • jellybeans1
      jellybeans1 Allycats

      Posted

      Yes, perhaps. I think because I've found myself in a bad place at the moment, that I'm clinging onto anything that could explain my behaviour because deep down I don't want to admit that I'm not well.
  • froggy2
    froggy2 jellybeans1

    Posted

    Anxiety will also do this effect.

    "my insides felt really weird and angry" Is it like you feel I'm doing something deliberatly wrong. ie the same effect as 'I shouldn't be breaking into this place' or 'I shouldn't be telling them this secret about miss x' 'or this is wrong to claim that expense in tax?'

    If it is, I get this type of feeling when I'm trying to deal with a situation which is now out of my confidence level. Describing it on the phone to a friend probably feels bad cause you felt you were admitting to something like fraud.

    Jelly advice - Please try not to look for signs cause it will only get worse.. finding patterns ir meanings in everything.. I now see a passing rain storm as a warning that what I just did was wrong. sad

    for example, it rained yesterday when I was meant to be writing out a job application, I lost confidnce in applying and didn't finish it. So now it backed itself up.. rain means failure.

    Its almost like going back to being a tribal Shaman, seeing a shooting star as a sign that the current chief should be killed.

    BTW Yr NOT going crazy - jus 'madly' trying to find meaning in a now meaningless world.

    Take care

    • jellybeans1
      jellybeans1 froggy2

      Posted

      I felt like what I was saying was made up, I couldn't control what I was saying and it made me angry. That's where the whole thing about something controlling me has come from, because I don't want to be behaving the way I am, but I can't help it.
  • jellybeans1
    jellybeans1

    Posted

    Got myself into a state again. I just don't understand how this is me. There MUST be something controlling me, because I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be drinking every night, I don't want to be self harming etc. I consciously do not want this. So why is it happening?! It is a spirit I swear down. I was thinking about drawing what I see it as, then maybe telling a doctor, and hopefully he will tell me that other people have spirits in them too?
    • evergreen
      evergreen jellybeans1

      Posted

      Have you only been thinking this way since you went to your support group and they started talking about haunted places and spirits? Some people are very open to suggestion. However, you coulld be suffering from a form of psychosis, because you believe you are being controlled by a spirit. This is a delusion which is one of the main symptoms of psychosis. You need to tell your GP everything yoou are feeling. Write it down if it helps.
    • jellybeans1
      jellybeans1 evergreen

      Posted

      Yes only since Monday this has popped into my mind. Something happened to my friend Monday, so that upset me and I think my brain has just gone into overdrive. am seriously extremely confused. I know this isn't rational of me to be thinking, which is a good thing, but I just can't shift the idea that maybe, just maybe there is something there. Purely because people have seen ghosts and stuff, and they're not in a solid form so they can get anywhere they want including into someone's head. People talk all the time about weird happenings that ghosts and spirits do.
    • evergreen
      evergreen jellybeans1

      Posted

      I think you are just very prone to suggestion. But the brain is such a complicated organ, it doesn't need spirits to come and make it fire off a bit 'cookoo'. You were in an emotional state. You may believe in spirits and you are explaining your strange thoughts in what you feel is the most rational way. However, luckily you KNOW that this is illogical and so at least you are not fully engrossed in this delusion. I do hope that you mention it to your GP tomorrow. It is very important that you do. PLease let us know how you get on.
    • jellybeans1
      jellybeans1 evergreen

      Posted

      I think it's just my brain trying to cope with all these complicated thoughts I'm having. I will let you know how the drs goes - not going untul next week now but I will definitely go.
    • jellybeans1
      jellybeans1

      Posted

      Hi - I went to the Dr yesterday, and they said it was most likely dissociation, which I totally agreed with. I'm going again in a few weeks time to arrange some more counselling.
  • Allycats
    Allycats jellybeans1

    Posted

    Being posessed by spirits is an oldschool religious answer to mental illness, regardless of whether you believe this or not I really think you should visit your GP or the next time you feel like self harming call these guys first: 0300 200 0011, they're the 'crisis' team and they will understand what you're going through. I live in Coventry so you may need to find the number for your area. 024 76 961 111 is the landline for the Coventry branch. I recommend you call either one and explain exactly what's happening, they will point you in the right direction. Do you have anyone who can support you eg family/friends/social workers?
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