Posted , 5 users are following.
Hi my name is Cally and I'm 19. I'm sorry to vent but I need to talk to somebody.
I've never had an 'official diagnosis' but I've been battling low moods for years now. I've grew up without a mum, was in and out of care as a child. My dad tried his best but he was never a brilliant parent. He has problems with alcohol and moodswings which affected my childhood I guess.
At 14, I became pregnant and when my child was a few months old, he passed away due to a congenital problem. I was only 15 when I had to remove his life support. I couldn't even grieve at that point, there was always so much going on that I never felt like his mum anyway.
Shortly after my 16th birthday, I had enough and after sleeping rough for a couple of days, got offered a hostel. I'm always getting in and out of arguments and trouble with other people, so over the next year, I'd been in 7. I found out I was pregnant again after I moved to the south, the 8th hostel. It was unbearable, the people were constantly scrounging off me and calling me names on the stairs. The manager always went on their side after they reported me. I begged her for help, at that time 20 weeks pregnant. I applied for other hostels and got turned down. I asked the social services for help - they said no on several occasions.
I had to sofa surf with randomers I met in the street, with just a suitcase of clothes. I found out my baby was dead on the scan a week later. I had to go through the labour and everything. I grieved twice then.
I've got my own flat now, my old GP offered my counselling but it was no help, just like the first time. I was put on Citalopram but I can't control my moods whilst on it. I'm always anxious now. I'm trying to build my life back up, but I live alone and haven't got any friends. I have Asperger Syndrome and ADHD, which doesn't help. I've never had a decent friend. I go to college now and I go to clubs, I go to chess club and a crafts club, but I find myself going through the motions. I hate where I live too. I don't know anybody, despite the fact that I've spent 4 years in care around here.
My current GP, I can't even get an appointment with. Everytime I try to make one, it's 2 or 3 weeks away at 8:10 in the morning and the waiting room is always hammered. I get scared in full places. But I do attempt every couple of weeks.
For the past year, I've been heavily drinking because I've got nothing else to do. I don't know how I've got through college since September because most of the time I can't even handle going in anymore, it's getting useless because my concentration is rubbish.
So sorry to rant, but I've just had enough. I know I'm only a kid, but I've had to be an adult for years, I've never had a proper childhood because I've never had friends. It seems I'm a target for bullying too, but it happens less often these days.
0 likes, 5 replies