Feel like im breaking down

You have been through so much. You are very strong. I am sorry you feel that way. You should tell your doctor you are having issues. Maybe as simple a dose increase or perhaps another med might suit you better. But speak up. No use having to live like that. You have been through enough already. 

Hello cake: 

Welcome to the world of us who are, as you, struggling to get thru what life has dealt us.  Know that you are not alone.  I'm sooo glad you reached out.  Just knowing there are people who understand the emotions as well as physical pains you are feeling can be a comfort (small but there).

I had such terrible panic attacks that I was bed bound.  I've got a long story of woe that goes back 50 years that I won't bore you with.  I just want you to know that I understand the feeling of fear and panic.  In order to live, I had to go to work -- had no one who offered help.  My parents let me stay with them after I returned home after my husband had a mental breakdown and I lost almost everything I had worked for for 20 years. 

To this day, I don't know how I went to work.  Those years just blended into one another -- the whole time I lived in dread.  I didn't think I could on but I was not ready to give in.  I was 39 and had such terrible panic attacks that at times I'd just find a wall no matter where I was just to keep me from falling.  I had to hold onto walls and go down stairs like a child of 4 would.  I had no confidence or feelings of self worth.

I phoned the local medical society where the person I spoke with suggestion I try to find a group of people suffering from the same conditions of anxiety, depression and all the other mental illnesses that are bed fellows. 

I lucked out.  I found and went to group therapy (just about crawled there) and that was the start to my road to finding confidence in my ability to carry on.  The group leaned on each other and supported each other because we all understood how rough we had it.  I also was directed to a psychiatrist who worked with the group and he gave me script for xanax.   After a couple weeks, my anxiety lessened and I had no more panic attacks.  Was like a miracle.  Meds can and have helped me thru the years.

I cannot stress strongly enough how beneficial it was for me to reach out to people.  This might be an outlet for you as well.  Check the net to see if there are any groups for anxiety/depression, etc. in your area.  Sometimes the local hospitals or churches have support groups, even talking to people who go to AA can be a resource.  Reaching out, as you did here, is the first step. 

Don't give up -- it gets better.  Good luck and know that you have my best wishes. 

That was my start back into realizing that I had value (regardless of what my mother told me) and wanted to have some happiness, if only moments of it.  In desperation, I reached out. 

It sounds like you are currently overwhelmed by the massive amount of tasks you are facing. I would try to tackle them one at a time. Don't focus on the big picture of everything you need and want to accomplish. I think you should look into some government services that will help you get places you need to go. I assume with your eye condition you will likely be able to qualify for some assistance. I too have an amazing sister who helps me so much, so I know the guilt that comes when you think you are asking too much. But, she loves you and wants to help you feel better. Sometimes just writing out your problems and fears like you have done also helps to make the stress subside. I think your doctor is right about focusing on your anxiety for now. Once you have that a little better controlled, you will be able to tackle the other things you have on the back burner. I wish I had something more profound to offer you. I really feel for you as I know you are having a rough time. Just know, it will get better! Oh, and medication can help very very much, but it is not a cure all. You also need to learn how to calm yourself too. Look up breathing exercises and relaxation techniques! They are tremendously helpful.