Feel So Low And Frightened

Posted , 8 users are following.

Hi everyone. I've been reading this forum for a while now and all I can say is, thank you for sharing x.

I just turned 50 in November and I am a wreck. I've had some of the worst palpitations I've ever had and my heart has raced. Last night, I couldn't sleep for hours because of it. My anxiety is through the roof and I just want to sit and cry in desperation. I have been out of it over Christmas and that has really upset me. Christmas day and Boxing day were a nightmare for me. Our dogs had a fight and while separating them, I got bitten on the leg and ended up having to have a tetanus and antibiotics..these have given me horrendous diarhea and thrush on top of how I feel. I have been breathless, heavy legged and restless legs, dizzy, tired and spaced out and the palpitations and racing has really gotten me down. I'm constantly terrified that something bad is wrong with me.

I had my usual pre-period symptoms only they're intensified. I have the Mirena coil fitted as I had very heavy periods and needed that sorting so the bleeding is mostly small and intermittent, (however I go into overdrive constantly wondering it's something terrible and not just a period). I've also noticed that any stress or upset now makes me feel worse but that is hard to avoid when how I feel causes it. I am so down. The doctor a few weeks ago, gave me beta blockers but I haven't taken any as she said it can aggravate my asthma and my breathing's been awkward enough and after my sister's experience and reading here, it isn't something I dare take if it makes me worse.

I can no longer tolerate caffeine, it's been that way for a few years now but if I dare just one cup of just tea, (let alone coffee), I start with the panic attack feelings within minutes. I'm wondering what other foods are doing similar things to me now. I have so many symptoms of perimenopause that it astounds me how anyone can function while suffering this.

I have the most amazing husband. Bless him, he's disabled, he can't walk properly and his hands aren't brilliant and yet he sees me in tears and frightened and just supports me. I felt so guilty as he and my boys shouldn't be seeing me like this. I've just spent a morning in bed because of the palpitations, etc, last night, and yet hubby just takes it all in his stride. He's amazing. 

I hope you don't mind me posting, I just wanted to get vent a little among women who know how I feel. Your posts have lifted me up and made me feel sane. I just wish that when I get a symptom, like the palpitations that I could take comfort in knowing I'm not on my own. Unfortunately though, my fear doesn't lessen. I feel so pathetic and desperate just to feel good again. Thanks for listening.

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16 Replies

  • Posted

    Good afternoon Buggly Bot

    what an ace alias lol

    So sorry your having to put up with this, as I well know how truly awful it is, and I find any kind of stress agrivates my meno symptoms..........................................

    I just don't know what to say, HRT?

    STOP FEELING GUILTY AS IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT wink

    crabby moods, exhaustion, even after more than enough sleep, aches and pains all over, you name it

    currently my prob is insomnia, I can't sleep at night

    relax, have a good day Buggly xxx

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    • Posted

      Thanks you MrsMerm. Lol, I thought that BugglyBot was just how I felt, just my spin on the word 'yuck'. Glad you like it. I have thought of the HRT but must admit it does scare me. I am overweight and wondered if that could make it more of a risk but I have to go and chat to one of my favourite doctors, who knows me and see what they think. 

      The guilt is horrendous. Our youngest son is Autistic, he's nearly 16 and I adore him, (as with our other two, but my relationship to him is strong given he isn't independent like our other two were at this age). As always, after every school holiday, I cry as I love him at home and he loves it here too so I've sobbed a few times in the last few days. This morning, I even sobbed when he went off on the school bus, normally I'm okay on the first morning back, but not today. I look at my hubby and boys and feel bad for them. Then of course the wave of fear hits me......what if I'm not here, I need to protect them......and it snowballs quickly and I end up crying. Then the guilt again..such a catch 22 situation.

      Hope your day's a good one too MrsMerm x  wink

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  • Posted

    Oh you poor poor thing. I fully understand how you feel. I know that's not going to make your symptoms disappear but take comfort, you're not alone smile I too have really struggled with palpitations over Christmas, I think it's a combo of hormones plus all the added stress the festive season brings, not to mention all the rich foods, alcohol and generally being out of routine. I've been panicky all through December and I still don't feel 100% today. I use well woman vitamins (the ones that stabilise hormones) and I use vitamin B12 boost spray. I've found this helps with the dizzies and the 'spaced out' feeling I regularly encounter. Maybe give them a try. What a lovely husband you have. It's important to have good support. I too was prescribed betablockers which I don't use either, allegedly they can cause dizziness which is one of my scariest symptoms. Keep resting where you can and don't put any undue pressure on yourself. I'm 40 by the way and started all this 'fun' when I was 34. Take care xx
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    • Posted

      Thanks donna. Honestly just reading the forum over the last week of finding it has helped tremendously. I even emailed my sister the link as she's suffering just as bad as me. I really don't feel so alone knowing your poor ladies have to endure similar things. I've order quite a few supplements after reading here, B12 is one of them,(lol I think it is anyway..I'll end up rattling when I walk lol). I'll look at the well woman vitamins you've mentioned too. If it helps the dizziness and spaced out feeling, I'm happy to try it.

      Yes, hubby is amazing. Very unassuming and calm. He remembers his mum being this way years ago and he tries so hard to make me feel better. I couldn't wish for anything better. It is upsetting to know many women don't have this support..I feel so bad for them. I just can't chance the beta blockers. Good job I mentioned asthma to the doctor as she hadn't seen that in my notes. That's when I found out about the breathing. I can't risk it making me dizzy, etc. I think we feel bad enough as it is.

      Much appreciated donna, all the best to you  x neutral

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    • Posted

      I remember my mum being the same too and she's loving life now. She's way past it tho. She was apx 42. She's 65 now and said the worst of it was over by her early 50'so there's hope smile

      Big hugs x

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  • Posted

    hi sweetie. you are so not alone in this i had all the symptoms you have ,.say had  still have some but not all my worse was the same as you have i started to take 1000 starflower oil , 1 a day at tea time it took about 2 weeks but it got rid of the palps,the anxiety and panic about 90% i can manage it now, also the panic and not being able to go to sleep this is what i do. Half an hour before bed i have a camomile tea, (ha ha cant spell ,) then go to bed pop a rescue remedy sweet in my mouth while i shower / wash  then when sweet gone i brush teeth and go to bed i count 200 backwards ( only get to about 50 i think)  then im asleep ,if i wake up at night another rescue remedy and back to sleep. I also wear a ladycare magnet ( from boots ) day and night i did try to leave the starflower oil for 2 weeks when i went on holiday boy did the symptoms come back , this works for me please try and have a go at these things get both rescue remedy sweets and spray and ladycare magnet from boots  good luck    

         karen x

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    • Posted

      Hi Karen, after reading your post, I went and ordered the Starflower oil. I am so desperate right now, I will try it and, fingers crossed, it works. I was in such a mess last night, frighened because my heart didn't know what it was doing and generally scared. I couldn't focus and at one point wondered whether to ring for an ambulance or not. Even now I've got fluttering and yet my pulse seems like it does normally. I've got some camomile tea in already so I'll try that and I've ordered the Rescue Remedy too to try. The magnate sounds interesting, something else to add to my list. I can't wait to try them. Every little helps as they say. Thank you x.
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    • Posted

      Drink camomile tea all day if you have to untill starflower start to work i got my starflower from natures best uk 1000 its a very good one , also i started to take cod liver oil im 1 week in and i swear i think the fuzzy head feeling has got better  and i can think better we will see good luck please let us all know how you get on, oh and i had my daughter home for the holidays first time this year she has learning problems is 34 but age 5 , like having small child at home she loves dolls and babies so i sort of understand how much pain and guilt you feel,you are a star ,you have a great family and so do i ,my husband just keeps on hugging me and saying go with the flow  it will get better bless him, he had a bad reaction coming off tramadole and had bad anxiety so he says he can relate to it i wish ha ha good luck

           karen x

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  • Posted

    Hello Buggly Bot

    I could have written your entire post! I have gone from a confident, capable, bubbly person to a jittering wreck in a matter of two years. I sat on the stairs yesterday and just sobbed and sobbed. I wake up at 4am in a blind panic. I don't think I can carry on with my job which I love and which I have been doing for 7 years. I am on HRT but I am still having the most terrible panic attacks and anxiety.  I don't want to be dosed up with anti depressants so have been given diazepam which I know is addictive, but certainly calms me down. I also have Rescue Remedy which is worth a try.  You are NOT alone. Without these forums I would think I was going insane.  I just pray it will pass and I will be myself again one day. ( I also have chronic neck and arm pain which doesn't help and makes my panic and fear even worse).

    The HRT I take has made me feel a bit better, so it is worth a try and it didn't make me put on weight. 

    You really are not alone. xxx

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    • Posted

      Hi Brevis, that is exactly how I felt, more than once after reading some of the posts here over the week, it was for that reason that I joined up because I immediately felt like you ladies understood me. I feel for you and that is what I've done.....sat and sobbed while trying not to let hubby and the boys see me this way all the time. It's hard to do though and they're not daft. I really hope things turn round for you as to lose your job like that just isn't fair and yet sadly, it seems a few women have had to do just that. I've been on Mirtazipine for a few years at night, it's the lowest dose. The doctor wanted me to up the dose but strange as it sounds, it has a stimulant effect and actually can prevent you from sleeping so I'll stick to the lowest dose for now. I must admit Diazepam sounds interesting. Amazing isn't it how feeling like this can make you try things you would never have thought of.

      I shall have to have a chat to my doctor as I said before about HRT. I'm hoping that the supplements will do their job. I'm happy to try them. Thanks Brevis x.

       

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  • Posted

    I've been posting on this forum since my knee op on 24th March 2015 (new plastic knee cap and metal trochlea). It's been a slow recovery for me due to muscle wastage and in June/July 2015 I started to feel very weepy, hot sweats, anxiety. Because of my age (I'm 56) I put this down to menopause, however this wasn't the case and since 25th November I've been on 50mg daily of the antidepressant sertraline.

    On top of my depression I do suffer with all the menopause symptoms you describe and although after the first fortnight on antidepressants (which was very rough) I did see some improvement, but since new year's day I've been in turmoil and am awaiting call from GP tomorrow. Apparently sertraline can help with menopause symptoms as well as depression so I'm just hoping things will settle down soon as I've never felt so ill in my life. I also suffer with fribromyalgia and arthritis so seem to be in a vicious circle of pain and lots of strange symptoms, it's horrendous!. Like you I don't know where I'd be without my wonderful hubby.

    I feel for you as you have alot on your plate, but please continue to post on this forum......on more than one occasion it's been my life saviour knowing that I'm not alone in my suffering. 

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    • Posted

      Sorry to hear that Pam. I take the lowest dose of Mirtazipine but it doesn't seem to help and higher doses can act as a stimulant and I'd hate to change it and end up feeling worse. You have a lot on at the moment and it can be overbearing and very depressing when it's like that. I am so lucky to have the hubby that I've got, like you, they keep us from spiralling even more but I feel so bad when he soldiers on with his own disabilities while I'm a weepy mess, not knowing how to stop it.

      The doctors sometimes just want to pass you off with one tablet or another. The last one I saw proved her young age when she literally didn't know what to do with me, (apart from not checking my notes first which could have ended up making me worse). I came away no wiser than when I went in. I say this a lot, but I'm not depressed. I love my life, my boys and husband are my world and it's the fear for them that really gets me down. I'm so glad to be able to join in with you ladies here on the forum. Fingers crossed Pam, you'll soon be feeling better. Good luck xx.

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  • Posted

    So sorry to hear you are feeling so bad, it's horrible at times. It's great that you have a  caring husband, I hope you soon feel better and get some comfort from the ladies on this forum.
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    • Posted

      Thanks Ruth, he's a trooper.....lol he's tolerated me for 29 years and that is no walk in the park lol. I love this forum. You're a very understanding and caring bunch of women who know what it's like and genuine concern and warmth comes across in your posts. Forums like this aren't like the chatty ones..they're here to help. Thank goodness because we would be in the dark even more otherwise x.
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  • Posted

    Hi. I regularly read these post and can relate to most of them. I'm taking sage for hot flushes, and I take 20 drops of avena sativa to relax me and help me sleep. Over the Christmas period the drops did nothing. I was up til 5am on New Year's Day morning unable to sleep, then getting panicky about cooking a meal for 7 on no sleep. I too have an autistic son and the guilt is awful when I can't perform my usual miracles! But I just wanted to say your not alone.

    I had hysterectomy at 32, now I'm 45.

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    • Posted

      It's amazing Julie how I have related to so many of these posts. I knew that many women go through the perimenopause/menopause but the general consensus is we're supposed to just plough through it..after all, it's something women have done for thousands of years. That may be the case but I believe that nowadays, it's a lot harder for many reasons and all we want is to just feel okay.

      I can add your help to the others, it's worth a try. I felt similar on Christmas day and I honestly thought I would never be able to make the dinner. I know anxiety makes us worse but how you calm down when you've got something to do. We have to decorate our living room in the next few weeks and I'm getting really worked up. I feel shocking and I'm the decorator so I've got to rely on our two oldest sons, (27 and 24 years old), to do it for us. It's embarrassing but I just can't do it and it needs decorating before the end of January.

      One thing I say a lot is that I'm not living..I'm existing and it should be the other way around.

      I worry about our son, especially given that he can't process what is happening the same as other kids his age so I try not to get upset when near him. That just adds to the guilt I have already. Then I sit and fret about him even more. It really is a Catch 22 isn't it.

      I hope you feel better soon Julie, here's hoping that we all do so we can feel healthy and vibrant again xx. 

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