feel so sick and sad!

Posted , 2 users are following.

A cry out to all ladies and gents if you feel you can shed some light on this!

I spoken on here before as I was assaulted at 19 then raped by someone else years later, I won't go over all the details again but would like to know what I do when every health professional turn their back on me and worse than that now have me down to see psychiatry which I am absolutely terrified about.

My dilemma is I agree to psychiatry and they stop this from hurting but leave the rest of my life in tatters after knowing for years I've wanted to adopt if IVF didn't work.

I now have a total distrust in the NHS and have had to beg for support and even put new forms into a new doctors as I'm sick of explaining this all and bored of being treated like this. 

I am not a nutter, or whatever phrased people like to use, I was RAPED and since this wasn't my fault or my husband's for that matter why should we suffer.

I was promised help elsewhere and even they have pulled out.

I'm terrified I already feel I've ruined our marriage and walked out yesterday.

I've e-mailed a couple of people today to find out the truth.

What i need to find out from the nice people on here is where do I turn and would you trust psychiatry?

Is there anywhere else any one else can recommend?

Please help I can't cope with this any more!

Oh yes I've tried jumping but it was too high!

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  • Posted

    Hi Sam

    i hear your pain and frustrations and not surprising your trust in the NHS is zero.  I felt the same and went through hell trying to get the right support and for people to hear that I am not MAD, I was raped.

    Unless this has happened to you, no one can understand what we go through and unfortunately medics do not or should I say, most not all.

    over the last year I have been very lucky.  I am under, yet again, another psychiatrist who but he is excellent, listens and don't just fill me up with drugs!!!!  I have also been seeing a psychologist who really does understand because she has been through sexual abuse and has come through the otherside.  she is an inspiration and to actually witness someone who no longer has nightmares, flashbacks etc is amazing.  It has taken me about a year to really trust her but I'm getting there

    I have a long history of anorexia and am a recovering alcoholic of 17 years. I have been in and out of mental institutions for the last 20 years but I now feel, for the first time that I am getting somewhere. 

    I have just turned 45 and like you, I cannot have children. 9 years ago I had a full hysterectomy and I am certain that the physical trauma of the years of child sexual abuse and violent rape when I was 17 was a contributory factor into why I had to have a hysterectomy.  Not being able to have kids I've always talked matter of factly and added to everything else, it is too painful to actually think about.

    i do believe, I will be able to put everything behind me and my wish in life, is that I meet a loving caring man who I will be able to settle down with.

    unfortunately I have major bladder problems and have a permanent catheter and so until I come to terms with that, settling down is a long way off.  I am seeing a London specialist next week with the hope she will be able to work miracles!!

    So in answer to your question, there are some amazing people out there who do take time to listen to us and I really do hope you find them.  

    Take care and I wish you all the luck in the world


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    • Posted

      Hi Nic, I knew I had valid reasons to write on here and you're story is so close to mine I am happy to talk to you.  I have since writing this had somewhat of a break through in as much I have swapped doctors as my last doctors all but threw me out as they refused to understand me and take responsibility for not having this right to begin with despite me asking for help for 2 years.  I have found a company who are a free service who deal with this sort of thing daily and they are going to assess what is the best way possible.  I was also rang by my hospital who have kicked up a stink about me being offered psychiatry which I definitely don't need.  All I asked for was help, all I got was doors slammed in my face.  I am still disgusted and will continue to fight for help.  The hospital are in trouble too as they refused ivf as I made it clear I'd being assaulted and told the truth, heads will roll I'm not finished with this yet!
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    • Posted

      Hi Sam

      i am so pleased you have managed to find somewhere to get help with this nightmare.  It is disgusting that we go through hell and we still have to go through hell to be able to try and live a 'normal' life.  I really hope these people will be able to help or even put you in the right direction.

      All the best in the world


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  • Posted

    Can you go to private therapy? Ptsd specific. Any support groups in your area? Its too complicated for a quick therpy session. Sadly your system where you live is terrible. They have specific ptsd protocols but. Much of this is going to be on you and accepting and forgiving what occured. Forgiving yourself who cares about the other person, but forgiving is required for the body to let go of the trauma. Its complicated thats why you do need a good therapist and support group. I would suggest alternative (holistic)person helping you find a therapist. They just are a lot better at compassion and their protocols are better. Its all private expenses though. 
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    • Posted

      Hi lisa, a huge breakthrough occured this week I have got through a free service that do nothing but deal with this sort of thing all the time, they will assess me and offer the best way forward.  I can breathe slightly!  A lot of people are in trouble for this and there will be heads that will roll!
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