Feeling depressed and suicidal. Boyfriend Of 8 Years Broke Up With Me.

Posted , 7 users are following.

I just went through a break up after being with my boyfriend of 8 years. we lived together for the last 2 years. He said he does not have feelings for me anymore, we are not compatible and we have grown apart. he said he has been feeling like this for a while but i did not realise and i am still madly in love with him. the thing that hurts the most is that he is talking to anther girl. it is obvious he has moved on but how do i move on. The worst part is that after we broke up, we were still sleeping together for about 5 months and were still spending weekends with each other and going out to dinners. After this i assumed that he was definitely going to ask me to be his girlfriend again. But no he still said he didn't want to be with me and us sleeping together was just sex and it has been fun hanging out. This hurts so much because its only been him for 8 years. he is the person i have shared most of my first experiences with. he is my first everything. i no longer sleep much at night, i think so much, i haven't eaten much and keep thinking of suicide. i even cut myself a few times although i haven't done that in 4 weeks. Even when i am at work i can not concentrate and i've been crying almost every day. nothing makes me happy anymore. i think about me and him all the time and i've blocked most of my friends o my phone because i dont feel like being around anyone. i dont know how to move past this. i don;t kno what to do.

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Please go and see your GP for help whether that is meds or counselling please seek some sort of help.

    take care

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  • Posted

    my advice is don't block your friends from your phone. it's ok to be a recluse sometimes, but it dosen't sound like being alone is doing you much good what with the overthinking, sleepless nights and occaisional cutting. Maybe reach out to some friends or family for support and a bit of company. I know it may seem like a long time ago but before you met your boyfriend - who were the most important people to you and who did you love? the chances are some of those loved ones are still by your side, and just because one of them has left, the rest haven't gone anywhere. healing takes time and sharing your feelings is part of the process so you're already on the right track, but try and reconnect yourself with some of life's pleasures and DON'T let one person be your reason to live. Hold on smile 

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  • Posted

    You HAVE to move past this lara....

    However, it is normal to feel exactly how you are feeling right now...8 years is a long time.

    I have lived after a 22 year relationship....and it wasn't a great relationship...but it was all my FIRSTS....and I have 2 kids....30 and 27.

    You have to give yourself a deadline for which you won't mope about him anymore.  Apparently he isn't the ONE for you.....you sound like you are young...and even if you are not young....if you want to be in a relationship in the future....THERE IS SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR YOU.

    Look at it this way...Everyone in our lives is in our life for a "Reason" a "Season" or a "Lifetime".

    This guy was obviously NOT your LIFETIME.

    We all have a purpose and a fate...you just haven't found your life partner if you are meant to have a life partner.

    Reason  - maybe there is a specific SOMETHING you needed to learn from this relationship that will help you further down the line...not just in relationships but in life in general.

    Season - almost the same as "Reason" this person was in your life...for a time period in your life to fullfill some need you had during this Season of your life.

    If you look at the situation in this way...you are not viewing yourself as a failure..but as a "student" of life.

    Try to focus on what you think the reason was....And focus on the fact..that you do have a life to live without this person......this experience is only going to help you once you get by the depression.  I promise.

    It hurts when it is RAW....but please start eating...and start searching for other purposes for your life here on this earth.....

    Look at it this way as well....He has opened up the door for the true love of your life (if it is love that you are looking for)...to ENTER....someday in the future.

     

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  • Posted

    Lara trust me this is something that happens to us women, believe it or not regularly, I am going through the same thing right now. My husband left me after 20 years because I'm not well, traded me in like a piece of s..t and it's not pleasant. It not been two months yet, I am very unwell and on my knees but I have found strength, not easy but I have. You can too. It feels like the end of the world and your unique In the betrayal but trust me it's happening every minute of every day. I feel like hell but I just have to get through it. You can do it, it's early days but you are able to work that's a bonus,i wish I could

    . Darling please don't do anything rash, it's so awful I know. In a week I am having my stomach tested for polyps, I am so distraught but you know we have to face these things full on and it's scary but honestly, trust me you will get there.

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    • Posted

      Hi Mutley - I was wondering whether you are the same woman who cancvelled hubbys credit cards after he holidayed with a young plaything? If so, how did it work out? Curious.
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  • Posted

    Hi Lara - of course it's been fun for him! He's had the best of both worlds. Women apparently want him. He must have felt pretty cool wining, dining and bedding you while he set about seeking a new life. 

    The difficulty here is that you are still in love with him. Makes things very difficult. However, since he has not been man enough to make a clean break with you, then you will have to wear the pants on this one. You must stop seeing him. You must not respond to emails/phonecalls/sonnets of love sung outside your window. It will be extremely hard to begin with but will become easier as time goes on. You might want to engage a counsellor/psychologist to discuss this serious issue, where you can say whatever you want/cry/rage/rant and curse. You must keep in contact with your friends and lay some ground rules. He is not to be discussed - you have a counsellor for that. Engage in activities with your friends or when alone that are not reminiscent of him. Go to different places where you have never been with him. It will be difficult, but you must actively force thoughts of him from your mind. This will get easier as time goes on. 

    Please inform your counsellor/psychologist that you have indulged in self cutting. He/she may find it necessary to refer you for a medical evaluation with a psychiatrist to help you through the hump period until you have a firmer grasp on yourself. Suicide is not a solution. Love can be a painful condition, but you will come through the other side a stronger and more confidemnt woman. There is someone better out there for you. Best of luck for your future.

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  • Posted

    Hi Lara, I am sorry to hear of your situation, I really do hope that since you wrote this, things have got better, even if only slightly - "time" is what people always say helps when going through breakups and depressive episodes.

    I too have recently split with my girlfriend, she helped me when I was diagnosed with depression last September and I ended up being off work for 6 months. However, I refused to accept the "fuel" for my depression was that my feelings for her had changed, and when I eventually burnt out and told her, it did not go well, and still remains a big problem in my life now - partly as we work together, and she is threatening to leave as she can't bear to see me there.

    Anyway, that was just a quick insight into my position and why I am using this website, my point really is that I can empathise with you as to how cruel and sore relationship splits can be, even though we have done nothing wrong in them. It trully is the worst feeling in the world when it happens and depression either causes it or kicks in because of it.

    I sincerely hope you are doing better in some respects, no way would I or anyone expect you to be "fine" again in such a short space of time, but I will be thinking of you and it would be nice to hear back from you with regards to how you are fairing.

     

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  • Posted

    Thanks everyone. Still feeling quiet down especially because my ex called me a few days ago saying that he doesn;t want us to talk anymore or text at all. Really miss him so much and feel like crap. all i think about is him but I'll be seeing a councillor next Monday so that's a start. 

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