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Hey everyone. I wasn't sure whether or not to post in the Anxiety Discussion or the Depression Discussion... I've been feeling anxious everyday, for a week now, badly. And I've been getting more & more depressed, everyday(I'm not saying I'm going to kill myself. I don't have the b***s). I feel like I'm barely getting through this. I can't get my mom to take me to the clinic nearby, so I can get an appointment with a therapist.
I need to see someone, because I'm dealing with severe anxiety, Harm OCD, and who knows what else! I'm almost never calm now, and I am, it's a miracle and it doesn't last long (99% of the time). I've never been super positive. I've always been depressed, off and on, mainly because I've been bullied since I was in daycare, at 2-years old. The children would make fun of me, push me down, and call me names...
I don't feel myself anymore. I want my old self back. I wish others around me would take me serious. I'm pretty sure the reason why is, because I'm 18-years old. No offense to those who are older, but most of the time, they think you're perfectly fine, because you're not 20+ years older. That gets annoying. Why would I want this happening to me? If I didn't want to feel so anxious and so blue, and I could help it, I WOULD.
I find myself crying and feeling helpless, sometimes worthless, because I can't seem to control when these horrible feelings of anxiety and depression hit me. Almost everyone expects me ot suck things up and be an adult. I want so bad, to seem like I have my stuff together. Otherwise, I'm a whiny teenager, who doesn't know "pain/suffering." I'm too young.
I know you're not supposed to be happy, all the time, but when you have to keep hiding these things, so others will be happy, it wears you down. That's where most of my depression has come in again. I don't know how to keep hiding things and pretending I'm OK. I've never been good at hiding the fact that I'm depressed, and same goes for this anxiety. I'm not good at hiding it. It always ends up coming out.
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