Feeling down and depressed every single minute

Posted , 5 users are following.

I honestly dont know how to put this. I've never posted in any forums before, but I see this one and the help people are getting;and I could really use all the help I can get.

I'm 21. I live in a small city. I've got a good familly,who loves me. But I feel down, depressed and like dirt all day. I'm never happy. I cant find anything to distract me from this feeling. I used to do good and even received scholarships in my schooldays but haven't achived a single thing since the day I got into college,3 years ago. I've lost all the self-respect i had for me. I'm flunking in everything. I have a few friends but I dont think they dont even wanna be around me anymore. And to add to the problem, there's this girl whom i like so much, but don't even have the guts to talk to;and also she has bf.

I'm pushing through everyday and feels like I'll blow up the next second. I can relate a lot to the movie 'Its kind of funny story(2010)'.

In short, I feel like killing myself, but haven't yet had the guts to do it..but I fear it may come down to that.

I feel no point in anything. I feel rejected, down in dumps and depressed.

I'm writing this here, because I dont have money to visit a professional and seek help.

I'm sorry for being long but really I dont know what to do.

2 likes, 13 replies

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi vikky

    so saddened to hear how hard things are for you right now. Can you not find a doctor who specialises in treating people on little or no income? You really do need to get your depression treated. Everything will seem overwhelming if your depression remains untreated. Please search around locally to see what's available to you. Eg mental health crisis team or Charitable organisation.

    stay strong and please find the help you need.

    God bless ♥♥

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    • Posted

      Lorraine,

      Thankyou so much for writing back.

      The truth is I'm afraid to go to a doctor with this. I dont want anyone esp my parents to know this. I dont want to add to their worries.

      I dont know what else to do.

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    • Posted

      Hi vikky

      your parents will be hurt if they wasn't able to help you, because they didn't know what you are going through. I wouldn't think  they would think your adding to their worries. They love you and would want you to feel well and happy. Are you old enough to go to the doctors on your own? If not please, please tell your family. My son cut himself in secret when he was younger, I didn't know he was feeling so bad and upon finding out, I felt so guilty I wasn't there to help him when he was suffering.

      Don't leave things vikky, you deserve to be happy and healthy. If your embarrassed, write down your feelings in a letter and give to your mum.

      god bless you always ♥♥

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    • Posted

      Lorraine,

      I know..but they already have a lot on their minds. They do want to see me happy and they are doing the best they can. It's not them, it's me. I dont want to see a single tear in my mom's eyes because of this. I know how sensitive she is

      But I dont have the kind of money to pay him..or if at all I could, i couldn't do it in secrecy, They'll know.

      I'm so sorry to hear that Lorraine..I am. I really am in your son's shoes now, except I dont have that kind of courage. I dont know..

      I cant imagine what you went through. I dont want my mom to go through something similar. She may not survive that like you did. That is like the only thing keeping me alive now.

      God be with you. Thankyou again.

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    • Posted

      Bless you vikky

      I understand what you are saying, but you must think of yourself too. You count and if you cannot bring yourself to tell your parents, then please think hard, is there anyone you trust that could help you through this? You can't leave things how they are, please find someone trustworthy to confide in♥♥

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  • Posted

    Vikky,

    Welcome to this forum!  We have lots of people ready and willing to offer you advice, encouragement and listen to you. We are each at different phases of depression and recovery, so we understand.

    So sorry you are suffering. It is miserable.  If you are at a University, they have free psychological help for students. Perhaps you could explore that?  A doctor can prescribe you an antidepressant.  Research tells us that depression is in fact a chemical imbalance in the brain and the antidepessants bring that back into balance.  This is an organic problem, so please do not be hard on yourself because you find yourself in this current condition.  It can happen to anyone.  

    You want to do this as quickly as you can so that you will have hope of turning your academics around, which in turn will uplift you. Also, it takes about six weeks for an antidepressant to fully work for you.  You might have to try a couple of different ones or tweek the dosage until you find the right fit for you, but it is worth the effort.  It is terrible when we feel like we are worthless and cannot succeed at anything.  All the thoughts that the BEAST, depression, brings are not true, and it can be tamed! 

    A therapist is valuable in that they can see your situation as a whole instead of the close up, often distorted, view we have of it.  They can also help you pinpoint what your triggers are and figure out what could be at the root of your not loving yourself.

    For now, I am glad that you do not have the guts to kill yourself.  Stay with us. 

    Hugs

    Dawn, USA

     

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    • Posted

      Dawn

      Thankyou so much for those words. It's a relief talking to people who really understands. Appreciate it.

      Yes, they do have one at the University. But if I go to her, somebody is bound to know or see this, and I'd be tortured for that the rest of my time here. It's like that over here. People don't really care.

      Also, they'll call my dad right away. I want to be their least burden. I dont want to be a burden for anyone. I cant get hold of antidepressent without them knowing anyway.

      I really want to see a therapist and talk it all out. But I cant afford one, or can go to the one in the university. I dont see any options infront of me.

      Thankyou, so much. Honeslty, I really wanna get away from this world; but I really am afraid to do it. I'm a coward,in short.

      Thankyou Dawn. Hugs to you too.

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  • Posted

    I would get help if i were you, if you are to the point where you want to end your life 

    Do you feel like you can put yourself in the hospital for help 

    Please get yourself help i know how depression hurts 

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    • Posted

      Elizabeth,

      Thankyou for writing back.

      I dont think I can do that. Everybody will know. I'll then be a huge embarresment to my parents and people. That might make things worse than it already is. I'm afraid to do anything.

      Thankyou for understanding.

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  • Posted

    Hey

    Believe it or not you're not the only one in this boat, you're probably feeling as though there's no point in even trying especially when you feel down. It takes time and effort to recover or to take control of your situation. 

    There are charities, mental health groups and support that will be free and THEY WILL LISTEN. It sounds as though you need to talk to someone, go to your doctor and talk about what has been happening and look for charities that deal with mental health. It seems as though you may suffer from lack of self esteem as well, make a list of things you need to do and write down what you have to do to achieve these things. Even something small each day, I know it's not easy but you are not alone and the way you feel isn't your fault. 

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    • Posted

      Teddy,

      Thankyou for writing back.

      Exactly. I dont feel any point in anything. I dont wanna do anything. I feel powerless, like a weakling.

      I dont know about charities here, I'll definetly look for them. Thankyou.

      I tried that teddy. Believe me, I did. I tried doing a lot many things; but I can neither focus or do anything about it. I dont know what I did to deserve this.

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  • Posted

    Thankyou do much to everyone who wrote back. You have no idea how much this means to me. Believe me, this is the first time I'm interacting with people who went through these, or understands.

    God be with you, though I'm sure he left me.

    Love.

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