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Feeling hopeless,boyfriend says he's going to leave me due to fibromyalgia.

Posted , 13 users are following.

norah91890
norah91890

I have been suffering with pain for along time now and around 3 months ago after being sent to rheumatologist diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Tonight I had seen a comment on fb fibro page about a husband leaving wife of 19 years because he can't cope with her health problems, my boyfriend was sat next to me and I commented to him about it and asked if ever he would do that to me and guess my own fault but got answer that upset me. He basically told me that if something doesn't change yes he would leave me cause all he hears is how much pain I'm in each day and that he offered to pay for tai chi which he thinks will get rid of fibro but I wouldn't let him because of how much the course costs so says I don't care or want to get better. Also that when I have come back from doctors last couple of times all he has done is up my pain relief, and he thinks I'm addicted to them now and that he can't stand drug addicts and that's what he sees me as now and said I'm no better than a junkie, this really hurt me. I love him and thought that he at least cared I know recently sex hasn't been happening a lot because of my pain and his work hours changing, but that not made me feel any less for him, I have a dog which I try and walk up to 3 hours a day some days I can't do that much but always take him out even on very bad days, currently working with job centre and a work well group to get me back into work and to see if there's some way of doing gym or yoga with costs help as at moment I can not afford to do any fitness group. Sorry I know this long winded and probally not what people are interested in but need to talk to someone. Thankyou x

1 like, 13 replies

13 Replies

  • nikki03251
    nikki03251 norah91890

    Posted

    Omg I can totally relate to this, I have had fibro for 4 yrs and on and off pain but pretty much led a normal life mostly, then my brother totally out of the blue upon walking to the bathroom died and my pain everywhere started could barely walk then 7 wks later we called ambulance for my mum and she died in hospital a wk later my went threw the roof and it's constant now the last few months I can't even go shopping, can't do the smallest things and my boyfriend has been so short with me and darn right rude to be honest it can't be love its selfishness I'd rather be alone than be disrespected that way, we still together but barely and if he does one so be it it shows alot about his character hun and your man's character too x

    • donna76140
      donna76140 nikki03251

      Posted

      Oh my god im so so sorry for your loss your pain is through the roof because of the stress your under stress makes fibromyalgia 100x worse and any man that would walk away because your sick and he can’t handle it is a ass hole I’ve been married for 25 years and had fibromyalgia for about a year and a half my husband has stood by side all the way of course he must get a bit upset that I’m so sick a lot but knowledge is power the more they know about fibromyalgia the more they understand so I’ve made him come to every doctors app and made him read all about it honestly it’s hekped heaps they can’t  understand what they don’t know hope that has helps you both sending you lots of love ❤️
  • judy1947
    judy1947 norah91890

    Posted

    Your boyfriend is being an ignorant jerk. You can try to take him with you to a doctor appointment to attempt to educate him, but he seems like he’s stuck in his own little world with no appreciation for what you’re going through. I sympathize and know from personal experience that even people that have known me for decades don’t understand. They’ll say that they wake up every morning with aches and pains and I should just get on with it. Well, as we age folks do have aches, but not with the intensity and prolongedness of fibro   This condition never goes away, however, some days do seem better than others.

    Hopefully your partner will gain some insight and be able to have your back. If not, get away from him as he will only make you worse. Hang in there 

  • paul75665
    paul75665 norah91890

    Posted

    Hi Norah

    I'm a male Fibromyalgia sufferer and reading your post has angered me considerably. Your boyfriend sounds selfish, disrespectful and naive concerning Fibromyalgia and the effects it has on someone. My partner admits she couldn't imagine what it must be like to have this illness, and with me being mostly housebound and her being my carer, she does get frustrated now and again as we can't have the life we used to, but she has never been selfish enough to say that she would consider leaving me if my Fibromyalgia isn't cured. How can you cure something that there is no cure for, yet?! To me that is love, not threatening to leave you if things don't improve.

    I know you love you partner, but with true love should come commitment, loyalty, faithfulness and support, through the good times and the bad. You need to ask yourself are you sure he loves you as much as you love him? To me it doesn't sound like it. I won't give you any advice on what to do regarding this, this is down to you, but I know what I'd be telling him to do. Wouldn't it be nice to transfer our Fibromyalgia on those naive, uneducated people for one day so they can see how we live and what we experience.

    Yoga and Gym therapy can help, but we are all different, and it can affect our Fibromyalgia in different ways. My doctor suggested some form of gentle exercise so I went swimming a few times, and we're not talking lengths, just a bit of paddling and treading water. If exercise is supposed to help, why is it I felt like I was dying after each time I did it, and needed 2 to 3 days almost constant bed rest before I was able to be up and about again. If you do try gentle exercise, do take it very steady to begin with so you know your limitations. You might even find walking your dog for up to 3 hours a day might be too much for you.

    I hope you don't think I've been too forthcoming and harsh with my comments, it just makes me so angry when people fail to try and understand how bad and debilitating Fibromyalgia can be. I'm struggling to make most of my family understand my life even after 3 years, they still think I'm able to do all the things I could before. Do take care of yourself, and I wish you all the best for the future, whatever you decide.

    • sue14934
      sue14934 paul75665

      Posted

      Paul thank you for taking the time to participate.  It is good to hear from Male sufferers too.  Gentle hugs.
  • diane_11957
    diane_11957 norah91890

    Posted

    Hi Norah,

    Your boyfriend hasn’t got a clue if he did then he wouldn’t treat you like it. Don’t let him stress you out as it will exacerbate your condition.

    He really isn’t worthy of you and fibromyalgia does change you as a person. I found that I had to embrace the illness. Try using hydrotherapy and I would definitely suggest meditation.

    Yoga is also good I practice chair yoga, why not borrow a book from the library, yoga for beginners and just practice the stretching.

    Keep your chin up and don’t let his small mindedness get you down. Good luck it’s good to talk on this forum. X

  • stellina
    stellina norah91890

    Posted

    I pretend i dont have fibromyalgia. I dont tell him anything anymore. I suffer in silence and never complain.

    Nobody cares anyway . I am alone and cannot find any friends anymore

  • Oompa
    Oompa norah91890

    Posted

    First step to some ailments with this condition in my opinion is kick him to the curb. I know that is harsh but I found that when people in my life couldn't understand that made things worse from work to home life. Once people could see how it was affecting me their perception changed and those who couldn't well I have removed them from my life. I don't have a boyfriend because for ages I thought do I tell a guy what is happening, then I thought honesty was best. If he isn't interested then I'm definitely not interested. I have been having some good days in the past couple of months and that is because I have got rid of a lot of the negativity.

  • Flutterbie57
    Flutterbie57 norah91890

    Posted

    If he has been to the Doctor with you and has read information about Fibro and is willing to spend some money on an appropriate form of help, then let him spend the money. You can only try.

    ​If he has no compassion for you, he will not have it for anyone else either. Look after yourself first and do not let him bring you down.

     

  • josephine33162
    josephine33162 norah91890

    Posted

    Hi Norah, Sorry i not written to you before. Shame your fella not understand what pain you are in. It is hard i guess when it's never in the same place all the time.If your like me, i look well but feel awful which makes it even harder for anyone to understand. I feel sorry for you as i got a good man. Would it help if your doctor talked to him and explained about the condition? Nobody can see pain. Feel free to talk to me again if it helps. Josephine.

  • sue14934
    sue14934 norah91890

    Posted

    Norah, you deserve better.  Dump the boyfriend.  His negative involvement in your life is not helping your condition.  Fancy offering an ultimatum over a condition that can't be cured!  Get rid of him.

  • stellina
    stellina norah91890

    Posted

    My boyfriend also is very selfish and insensitive . He said very nasty things which i cannot even repeat. I should have left him at the time but i didnt because i will be completely alone in this world.

    I keep on working and doing everything in pain and exaustation and i never complain or say that i have pain.

    I dont have nobody to talk to. I am completely alone.

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