feeling like I will die young
Posted , 4 users are following.
Back in December I was coming home from college and had this overwhelming feeling that I was going to die in a car accident before I got home. Turns out, I clearly did not pass away, but the car in front of mine at one point crashed into the divider. Had my mom not stopped short in time, we had the potential to be flung into traffic or go into the divider as well.
Once I got home, I found myself still believing I was going to die, but this time, in my sleep. In January, medical problems arose for me, but got resolved. However, during those times, I believed I was going to die for medical reasons.
When the next month came around, I was finally able to see a wonderful psychiatrist and a helpful
psychologist who I still see regularly. They diagnosed me with aggrivated general anxiety disorder, minor depression, and OCD. Around the same time, I was just beginning to drive again, and all of the sudden had this overwhelming feeling that I was going to die youn in a car accident come the second week of June 2017. I still feel this way, however I am unsure if this is anxiety or a preminition. Here are my reasons why...
At work one day, a woman said to me she loved my name and how it reminded her of her friend's grandaughter, who had a brother named Mikey. I had a flashback to my brother's friend Mikey, who passed away young after being hit by a car on his bike. This sparked anxiety within me. On the way home, I saw an ambulance in the exact spot in which my brother's friend landed after being struck, and when I came home, my sister told me that another young boy just passed around where we live in the same exact manner as my brother's friend, and the same exact age. Is it coincidence that these things happened and I'm having anxiety, or do you believe these are actual signs?
Furthermore, one day I yelled at my mom in the car "I feel like I'm going to die young, okay" and all of the sudden, a hearse pulled up in front of us (mind you, I leave near a funeral home) and then the song "I don't want to live forever" came onto the radio. When we came home, I checked the mail and behold, there was a letter prompting parents to get child life insurance (however, I am 18 and no longer a child). Again, coincidence or not?
My psychologist has suggested that I only notice these things and blow them up because I have anxiety about dying in June young before turning 19 (August 2017). If I hadn't had anxiety, I would think they are just average things happening.
I am seeking for people's opinions on what is happening and it anybody feels or has ever felt this way and if so, what happened? How did you cope?
I don't want to go back to crying in my room and feeling like I need to make funeral plans for myself. I have spoken to my significant other and even asked them to not be with others when I pass, etc. I also find myself purchasing things for big events (i.e. a trip to Boston, VIP concert tickets), but being hesitant to and/or not purchasing at all smaller things like Father's Day cards. I constantly wonder how my family will feel when I'm gone, how my mom will cope, etc.
Another scary aspect is that when I look back, I feel fulfilled in life, and I know this is how many people feel before death comes, but can't it also mean I just have lived a good life up until now and will continue to, kind of like those people with "no regrets." However, I have only felt this recently, but maybe it is because I am getting older.
Thanks guys!
0 likes, 5 replies
hanna311
Posted
Also, even since I was younger I always feared dying in a car accident. Maybe it was caused by the exposure to them in family history or having to attend assemblies on them, I am not sure. I have however heard of a boy who always said he knew he was going to die in a car accident young, and then did. He, as far as I know, also didn't have anxiety. I am having a hard time differentiating between anxiety and preminition, especially because I am a big believer in them (my mom has had them), wnd I am spiritual (when it comes to the paranormal). I am scared, and even as I write this, I feel like it is a diary my family will find after I pass and read, feeling even worse.
tiff54986 hanna311
Posted
Hello, I've felt that way too. I wanna say it's anxiety. I even started having dreams and those scenes in my dreams started happening and it felt like Deja vu. And I'd ask, "but did I really dream that?" I read an article saying those dreams or feelings happened be cause of old memories. I started freaking out because I had dreams of my family passing away and I grew desperate. Which is not a way to live. I'm in my early 20s and I feel like I still have a long life ahead of me, although sometimes it feels dreadful. But I know God has a purpose for me and my family and I put my hope in Him. Maybe you don't believe in God, but hold on to your loved ones and to hope. You're going to be ok. Keep meeting your psychologist. Our brain does stupid things sometimes. And we become overwhelmed and invest too much time into it. I survived a car accident around the same time I had the dream of my loved ones...so I think that's my answer. For me, God has a purpose. He's not finished with me and I'm not ready to quit. Strive on. Push thru. You're stronger each and every day.
hanna311 tiff54986
Posted
Hi Tiff. Thank you for your input. Had you lost any family at all around that time, and when you were younger, did you feel you wouldn't make it to your 20s? I have a slight belief in religion, but I almost feel like, God also chooses when it is people's time. How long have you had anxiety?
tiff54986 hanna311
Posted
I lost a friend after graduating high school. So awhile ago. I lost an aunt when I was 10, car accident. So I have but never in my 20s. I've had anxiety for about 2 years now. Mmm...no I never had a feeling about not making it into my 20s. Once anxiety started, that's when I had that fear of "oh I'm sick" or "I'm going to die soon." Before that, I never thought much about it.
hanna311 tiff54986
Posted
Thank you again for this feedback. I see that your anxiety partially dealt with your family dying or you, and in that sense, losing them, but it didn't happen and you got past that! It gives me something to relate to.