Feeling like this will never end

Its been 5yrs now since my r side plurodescise lung opp from a pneumothox, i average 20-30 hospital visits a year. Wen they operated on me they discharge me weeks later with a referal to pain clinic that didnt exist, i got stuck in limbow with every pain clinic saying its a nother ones job, my local doctor had to treat me with heavy pain killers not manageing the dose i was takeing untill i was on so high a dose an so many painkillers that i was addicted to them an then he cut me off altogether an refused to ever see me again or give me my records. 3 yrs ago i got so dipressed with the pain i tryed to take my own life several times and ended up in a mental hospital only to be discharged 1 or 2 weeks later them saying im fine an mentaly stable, i still go threw that much pain in my lungs that each night every night i toss an turn not being able to sleep an sometimes have to fully wake up an sit up just to breath, i use alot of vix on my chest, put on nose strips and use a puffer enhailer just to try breath properly most of the time. I wait days on end bedriddon with chest pain not wanting to go to hospital because they just morohene me in the ambulance an once i get there go we did a xray thats fine so u can go even though im in pain while they discharge me. Im always asking them to check for more an do more tests but they never do. So many people say this will heal up one day but in 5 yrs ive been the same. I used to be able to ride a bike but now if i tryed ide drop of it grasping my chest in so much pain from working it up. Its played a big tole on my life makeing me loose a relationship from being like an invalid, not being able to work with centerlink going u mist the disability by 2 percent so have to stay on newstart with the job agencys saying mate we cant put u to a job the way u are so u can just sign the sheet an go home. I always feel so depressed like this will never end. 5yr being in pain. Doctors just palming u off, loss of relationship to my daughters mother, doctor that wont see me, others that cant see my file so cant help, pain an constant wakeing up to it. Weres the positive in that. If i could go back in time i would tell the doctors to leave me alone an let me die in peice. If only i knew all the s**t that comes with haveing this opp an the impacts it would have in my life sooner. I would of told thwm just let me be.

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