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I haven't been on here for a long time. My depression has gotten worse. In May I got real sick and it turned into a disease and I almost died. After two surgeries they saved my life but I lost my colon. I don't know the forum for that help but I'm feeling so lost.
I can't work. I feel I'm letting my daughter now 14 down. She was 13 when i got sick. I feel she's embarrassed of me. We have been through a lot.
A divorce from abusive husband a year ago. Gail bladder surgery before that. Then two surgeries and seeing me out of my mind just breaks my heart.
She stayed with a friend for over a month.
I can't remember things right and she gets upset with me. I try to have fun when out and she always tells me to stop and be quiet. I'm not doing anything bad or around people. It hurts. It really makes me wish I died in June.
Walking hurts. The strength hasn't come back. It gets me really upset. After the divorce things were suppose to get better but it just keeps getting worse.
My job didn't last long. It was causing PTSD attacks and anxiety attacks.
I feel worthless. I'm not whole anymore and no one would want me or hire me. One friend will get together with me. But we talk about our exs which helps but I just want to talk about anything else.
Daughter and I learned not to speak because we were afraid of him but he's gone and things haven't changed much. At first it was better then it got real bad. Major attitude and disrespect. I fought to live. But I'm sick of living this way.
I get confused. I forget things. I can't get out of my depression and with both of us with it it's hard. Both have PTSD and panic attacks.
I just don't know what to do anymore. Trying to sake things to have money. I don't drive. I'm not working. If I fall I can bleed to death on blood thinners. My legs hurt when I go walking. It hurts so bad I just want to stay in my chair and never go out.
I know my daughter loves me but her behavior makes me so worthless. I'm lost.
I have thought and almost took handful of pills but didn't do it.
I'm tired of my daughters disrespect. She has admitted to lying about things and for eight years I don't think she knows how to stop it. So I never know what's true or a lie. She lied to keep our family together but it cost be a hurt shoulder and her an almost broken jaw.
I can't myself to do anything. I'm always lost and down. I want to do something but I just can't get it done.
I'm sick of the ostomsy issues that I was having but so far things have gotten better.
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