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Feeling lost

Posted , 7 users are following.

danielle316
danielle316

Sorry this entry is so long, it’s my first time posting on here so bear with me..

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now (yesterday was our two year anniversary). I’m 19 and he is 18. We have always had a great relationship.. our families know each other, our brothers are good friends and I’m very close with his family as he is with mine. Our relationship never consisted of much fighting, only some bickering over stupid things and maybe a total of 2 or 3 bigger fights over this two year span. Overall, our relationship is pretty great. No red flags, neither of us try to control the other, there is a good deal of trust and we each try to spend time with our separate friends too. I’ve always struggled with self image issues and lately I’ve been under a great amount of stress at school (trying to get into the Nursing program at my university) and I’ve gained a decent amount of weight which caused my self image to worsen. About a month and a half ago, i became particualary upset about it and had sort of like a mental break down, and after i told my boyfriend about it and he comforted me and made me feel better. A few days later, out of the blue, i experienced a sinking feeling in my stomach that what if i don’t actually love him. I tried to ignore this thought because it just didn’t make sense.. out relationship had been going great and no red flags at all then out of nowhere came these thoughts. They continued for about a week which caused me more stress that i had been feeling already. I became so upset about it that i told my boyfriend, and he just comforted me and supported me. Here it is a month and a half later and these thought still come into my head at least a few times per day... questioning everything from if i actually love him to if I’m forcing myself to be with him or wondering if I’m depressed and taking my feelings out on the relationship due to my recent stress. I am going around in circles in my head over thinking which i think is making it worse. When I am with him, i feel happy and still want to be sexual with him and hug and kiss him as usual and we still enjoy our time together, and I am never hesitant on making plans with him, except sometimes when we are together I get those nagging thoughts and I feel upset. I should also mention that I think I’ve been depressed before, but never clinically diagnosed/never have seen a doctor about it. I have also never thought of myself to be an anxious person but i did have a very random anxiety attack out of no where a few months ago while alone watching tv. Lately, since around the time all these thought about my boyfriend began, I’ve also began to withdraw from my friends and can feel myself start slacking in my school work, i feel a huge lack of desire to do much of anything. If anyone could give me some advice I would really appreciate it. I love my boyfriend and can’t imagine being without him but it troubles me that I’m having these thoughts, could they be caused by depression? And is it likely that i even have depression? Thanks Guys!

1 like, 18 replies

18 Replies

  • Guest
    Guest danielle316

    Posted

    I am sorry for the way you feel & I hope you are getting better. You seem to have a great relationship & very understanding boyfriend - you can count yourself lucky. wink

    Yes, this can come from depression - depression does not need to be 24/7 (in my experience) & as you say you still feel happy & enjoy things I think all the stress & the pressure you put on yourself might be getting to you. Depression can make you feel disconnected from everything, lose interest in the things you used to enjoy, withdraw from friends & family etc - it can mask your feelings, there is a reason why it is advised not to make big decisions when being depressed because it clouds your judgment. It can make you feel like you are not loving your boyfriend anymore because it makes you feel disconnected but that does not mean it is true - you still say you love him, you still feel & want to be close to him...he knows what is going on & understands & supports you - so you are not being unfair to him having those feelings pop up here & there. Try to get the stress under control - relax, see a doctor for advice...they can tell you whether it might be an episode of depression or not for sure. For me it sounds very much like that is what is going on - but I am not a professional. You can do some research into depression to learn about the signs & symptoms & things you can try to get out of it...it seems like yours is not very severe at the moment so I could imagine you could even still deal with it without professional help...but if not, don't hesitate & visit your doctor. wink I hope you get better soon & all turns out well for you. smile

    • danielle316
      danielle316 Guest

      Posted

      Thank you so much for the advice! I’ve actually been doing a lot of researching on depression and how it may affect relationships. For me, it seems to come and go. My mom has been helping me through this time and says that if it doesn’t get better in a month or two I may want to see a doctor. Thanks again! ☺️
    • Guest
      Guest danielle316

      Posted

      That's great - it is scary & hard to understand what is going on when such things start but you are on a good way - informing yourself & doing something. smile  Yes, try what you can, maybe some stress management (since that seems to have something to do with it imo) & relaxation - if it doesn't get better despite all you try see a doctor, your mother is right. You are lucky to have so much support & I am sure you will get better. wink best of luck.

  • daithi92932
    daithi92932 danielle316

    Posted

    You're not depressed. You're still young. Tell him ya don't love him. You're out human. Live and ya learn. Sounds harsh, but be single at that age. More fun

  • Anonymous111
    Anonymous111 danielle316

    Posted

    You have mild depression. You're at the high risk age (late teens, early twenties)

    It can influence and dampen feelings of love.

    Its brilliant that you have an open enough relationship that you can discuss this with him. Keep that up.

    If it gets bad enough that you cant cope - see your doctor and they can prescribe antidepressants, which do work.

  • Adldiane
    Adldiane danielle316

    Posted

    Hi Danielle. So sorry that you are struggling right now. From my own experience..and my own problems I would guess that you are experiencing some depression. But you are smart and you are being your own advocate by getting online and looking for a group for support and help. Way to go!! I am so glad that you talked to your mom about how you are feeling and she heard you and wants to help you get help! Wow! Keep up the good work! Diane
    • danielle316
      danielle316 Adldiane

      Posted

      Thank you so much for your reply! It makes me upset to have these thoughts about my boyfriend who is so supportive of me! It’s nice to have the positive reinforcement from other as well, so thank you!
  • brenda69464
    brenda69464 danielle316

    Posted

    I am sorry you are feeling so out of sorts.

    I can relate to the weight issue and I wonder if you are overemphasizing the importance of it in relation to your relationship ? Your boyfriend sounds like a wonderful person to comfort you when you expressed your feelings about it.

    I am not a professional but perhaps you should see your Doctor--he can go through a simple questionaire that will help determine if you do struggle with depression. 

    You are wise to be asking questions about your concerns.

    Take good care of yourself !

    Best wishes and virtual hugs !

    • danielle316
      danielle316 brenda69464

      Posted

      Hi, thanks for the reply! My weight has never been an issue in my relationship, but it has been something that has bothered me and that I’ve struggled with since i was younger so while it doesn’t have a direct effect on my relationship, it definitely effects my feelings toward myself.  Thank you for the advice,  i think seeing a doctor will help me!
    • brenda69464
      brenda69464 danielle316

      Posted

      Oh, I can so relate to weight issues...........

      I have always been a heavier set person, and have had people comment on that my whole life. It has always bothered me that people can't accept that some of us are just sturdier than others.

      I think of it as an advantage; i can easily lift 50  pound bags of feed or potatoes and carry them wherever I need to! however I am married into a family of very thin people and all they can talk about is how they need to slim down.....almost pathetic really. One of them is 5 foot 10 1/2 inches tall and only weighs 130 lbs and still is obsessing over their weight ! An odd fact, I outweigh my husband by 10 pounds  and the only reason it bothers me .............he makes comments to our friends about it. Blah blah blah.........tough bananas ! He relies on me to do the heavy work because he can't! So, to those who make an issue of it....suck it up buttercup !

      Take me as I am , or      not at all.

      I am well over fifty and it has taken me a lifetime to develop this attitude.

      Hope this helps you somewhat.

      Go get 'em girl !

      Love yourself first!

       

    • danielle316
      danielle316 brenda69464

      Posted

      It’s inspiring to hear that you have that mindset! I’m working on having that mindset myself, thanks for sharing!!
    • brenda69464
      brenda69464 danielle316

      Posted

      You are most welcome.

      I hope this old girl can give you the courage!

      Many Blessings............

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 danielle316

    Posted

    Hi Danielle - well, your boyfriend sounds wonderful, supportive and encouraging. There's no mention of anything that he's done to make you feel this way. Sounds like a keeper. Meanwhile, I have often heard that line about whether "I actually still love him," and "when I am with him I feel happy." It sounds like depression. Withdrawing socially and from doing things we love to do is another red flag.

    Action is the best remedy. Make an appointment with your doctor and describe what you are feeling. Write down your feelings if you feel they will be hard to explain. The doc will be familiar with your story, so don't be embarrassed - it's the time to be open and completely honest. Meds may be prescribed and will take 3-8 weeks to work. If you are averse to meds, there are herbal remedies - St Johns Wort, lavender etc. The doc will also be able to refer you to a counsellor/therapist or psychologist where you can talk out any issues and pinpoint what triggers the anxiety. You are young and fortunate to live in a time when there is an awareness of the importance and intricacies of mental health. Take action to understand what is happening and to stabilize your future. You won't regret it. And give your boyfriend a big sloppy kiss because he needs reassurance too.

    • danielle316
      danielle316 wayne1962

      Posted

      Thanks for the reply! My boyfriend is great, most of the time I try to keeps my worrying thought about him to myself most of the time because i don’t want to worry him, although i know that when i need to open up and vent he will be there for me. I think at this point seeing a doctor will help me a lot, thanks again for the encouraging words!smile 
    • Adldiane
      Adldiane wayne1962

      Posted

      Wayne you are so smart and down to earth. I always learn so much from your answers. You have an ability to put things into words in such a clear and concise way! Thank you for all that you offer to all of us on this site! Diane 
    • danielle316
      danielle316 Adldiane

      Posted

      I agree with you Diane! What an insightfully person.. if everyone could be this helpful and wise, the world would be a better place! 
    • wayne1962
      wayne1962 danielle316

      Posted

      Hi again Danielle and Diane - thank you both so much for the kind words. 
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