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Sorry this entry is so long, it’s my first time posting on here so bear with me..
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now (yesterday was our two year anniversary). I’m 19 and he is 18. We have always had a great relationship.. our families know each other, our brothers are good friends and I’m very close with his family as he is with mine. Our relationship never consisted of much fighting, only some bickering over stupid things and maybe a total of 2 or 3 bigger fights over this two year span. Overall, our relationship is pretty great. No red flags, neither of us try to control the other, there is a good deal of trust and we each try to spend time with our separate friends too. I’ve always struggled with self image issues and lately I’ve been under a great amount of stress at school (trying to get into the Nursing program at my university) and I’ve gained a decent amount of weight which caused my self image to worsen. About a month and a half ago, i became particualary upset about it and had sort of like a mental break down, and after i told my boyfriend about it and he comforted me and made me feel better. A few days later, out of the blue, i experienced a sinking feeling in my stomach that what if i don’t actually love him. I tried to ignore this thought because it just didn’t make sense.. out relationship had been going great and no red flags at all then out of nowhere came these thoughts. They continued for about a week which caused me more stress that i had been feeling already. I became so upset about it that i told my boyfriend, and he just comforted me and supported me. Here it is a month and a half later and these thought still come into my head at least a few times per day... questioning everything from if i actually love him to if I’m forcing myself to be with him or wondering if I’m depressed and taking my feelings out on the relationship due to my recent stress. I am going around in circles in my head over thinking which i think is making it worse. When I am with him, i feel happy and still want to be sexual with him and hug and kiss him as usual and we still enjoy our time together, and I am never hesitant on making plans with him, except sometimes when we are together I get those nagging thoughts and I feel upset. I should also mention that I think I’ve been depressed before, but never clinically diagnosed/never have seen a doctor about it. I have also never thought of myself to be an anxious person but i did have a very random anxiety attack out of no where a few months ago while alone watching tv. Lately, since around the time all these thought about my boyfriend began, I’ve also began to withdraw from my friends and can feel myself start slacking in my school work, i feel a huge lack of desire to do much of anything. If anyone could give me some advice I would really appreciate it. I love my boyfriend and can’t imagine being without him but it troubles me that I’m having these thoughts, could they be caused by depression? And is it likely that i even have depression? Thanks Guys!
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