feeling low - trying to pull myself together again!
Posted , 3 users are following.
Hi everyone,
I'd been thinking of coming back on here the last few weeks. I had stopped posting & reading as well I started drinking again. As you might know we are trying to conceive & I was convinced it had happened but after a negative test I was so so upset I thought on the Friday the day after I deserved a drink. Since I have drank every Friday & went out to a concert & drank a lot. I feel like a failure. I do fine during the week it's my trigger days. I even decided last weekend that I would stop drinking for the next 3 months & told some of my friends & that I wanted to help with conceiving. The same pattern occurs I stop for a few weeks then I tell myself sure what's the harm with just a few at the weekend. I hide it though, drink before my husband gets home as he knows my problem so I can't drink the amount I really want in front of him.
I felt so low this morning but it could be a result of all the fertility hormones I am taking. I feel crap that we haven't conceived & this is our tenth month. I feel crap that my husband isn't as into having a second child as me so I feel alone with it. I feel s**t that I rely on alcohol to make me feel calm & relaxed. I feel crap that what i really want isn't happening & as much as I want it I still drink.
I didn't drink last night. I bought a bottle in the supermarket & looked forward to having it before my husband got home from working late but I poured it down the sink & went to bed. This morning we then had a small argument about him not getting enough sleep which led to another stupid argument later in the morning & when he left the house with our son I fell to pieces. I cried & cried about everything & about how I let my husband down going back to secret drinking, how I want to have another child, how did I get myself into this reliance on alcohol.
I need to pull myself together again. ****
1 like, 1 reply
pmcg21 sadie_dee70150
Posted
hi sadie , well done for reaching out for help again , i wont pretend i know anything about what you are going through regarding your attempts to have another child, but regarding the battle with alcohol i have some experience, i also tried and failed many times before i got sober for any length of time . i know you think you are hiding it from those around you but i would be very suprised if those around you were not aware of when you were drinking or not any way that is kind of irelevant because this battle is between you and the alcohol you have to do this because you want to stop drinking for YOU not to keep other people happy or off your case you gotta do it for YOU because you really want to quit. hang in there use what ever worked for you before, try and find someone you can talk to honestly someone you can really trust , it really does help, it is not easy at the best of times but it is really hard if we try to do this alone.