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19 year old female. For the past 13 years my life has been an absolute mess. I've been in therapy on and off since I was 8. My abused started when I was 6 and ended when I was 8. My abuser was sentenced to 10 years. In those years I was an on and off mess. I've never fully recovered from this abuse.
My abuser was released from prison 2 days before my high school graduation. My life has been a mess since then. My social anxiety in high school has turned into health anxiety and depression. I fear death. I'm scared about my health and I fear everything. I even fear that my abuser will find me. I fear absolutely everything. I'd rather lay in bed all day and I do.. but I also wish I had enough balls to get the hell out of my house.
I want to feel normal and I want to be happy so bad. I have no passion. I have no idea why I'm in college. I barely graduated high school and I feel like my life is pointless. I fear I may die at any moment from illness or anything. I don't want to live in fear. I have zero motivation.
I don't know why I'm posting. I would've posted more if I felt comfortable doing so. My past life has been s****y. I see no hope but I want to live. I hope I have a future and that it will be better. I just needed to get this off my chest. No one around me understands.
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