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Feeling of doom, dread, death

Posted , 4 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

I've had a reasonable day made an effort . lunch with a friend, walk, food even, sorry if the typing is s*** but I can't seem to see that well. Not sure what to say really but I have this awful feeling of doom. this has been coming on and off for a while. Difficult to describe, I just want to run and run away from everything. I don;t want to face up to reality life I don;t know.....nothing anymore i'm fed of keep trying I'm tired. . 

Saw the doctor today and for once had a sensible conversation with her about my final diagnosis didn't tell her all this other stuff or the weird thought and visions i have been having or driving over 100 mph screaming, yesterday just that I was feeling out of control so pulled over, did about being in the sea. Haven't owned up about cutting words into my arm either as it all seems so pathetic just like me.

I'm struggling really struggling and just don't know how to tell the people who are suppose to help.

It os down to me, me only,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Reading this now all seems so stupid. i'm so uselless at putting things into words.

I feel as if I am not me i'm soemone else does that make sense????

then you wake up again tomorrow and start all over again like bloody groundhog day.

Maybe after putting this down and taking some pills go to sleep it might go away again fr a while.....or go put for a walk help clear my head,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,How much longer is thus s*** going to go on for????????

2 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • wayne1962
    wayne1962 tina89895

    Posted

    Hi Tina - sorry to read you are in such distress. You will not help yourself if you do not open up to your medical professional about all that is going on with you. Next time you see her, take deep breath and then dump all that sh*t. She cannot effectively help you if you are holding things back. The process is slow. It's about self discovery. Have you had any counselling at all? If not, the doc can refer you. What sort of childhood did you have - could there be any unresolved or unacknowledged issues there? As for running away from everything - how's that working for you? Resolution won't happen unless you face down, understand and master what ails you. 

    • tina89895
      tina89895 wayne1962

      Posted

      Hi Wayne thanks for your reply I quite often feel that the doctor gets fed up of my moaning complaining etc she does sit and listen even has discussed me and my irrational behaviour with my psychiatrist and I am currently on a 20 week group therapy about systems training for emotional predictability and problem solving for bpd or emotional intensity disorder they like to call it now. So I am trying but finding it all so hard. Yes I have quite a lot of unresolved issues and yes I know I should face them but until they think I'm stable enough they are not pushing it. Suic**** ideation is another problem I have. But today is another day. You take care and thanks. X

  • yasmine333
    yasmine333 tina89895

    Posted

    Oh Tina! You're actually so much better at explaining your feelings than you realise. I completely understand & have felt like that myself. It is EXACTLY like groundhog day & you keep going day to day waiting or hoping for some hint of improvement. 

    You should be completely honest with your doctor, if they don't know the truth they can't help. it doesn't need to be perfectly articulate it just needs to be honest. You really do deserve happiness.  I admire your strength xx

    • tina89895
      tina89895 yasmine333

      Posted

      Hi yasmine I know as I said to Wayne I only ever see or speak to my gp when I'm in s state emergency appointments yesterday did talk about a few things but mostly about my diagnosis following lung biopsies etc. I do try but try not to be dependent on people as that is another trait of bpd and I feel let down or get paranoid. So shut myself away. No motivation today sitting in the sun on my settee staring out the window. You take care x

    • yasmine333
      yasmine333 tina89895

      Posted

      I understand & sounds like you've been going through a lot but glad you know when to speak to your doctors. I've done the same today except I'm at work do staring out the window all day probably hasn't gone down well but I couldn't care less. My brain decides when it wants a break & today is that day! x

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