Feeling quite down

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im 3 weeks post op posterior and anterior repair. All went well and bleeding has now stopped. I had laparoscopic anterior repair and hystoplexy this time last year and had a rough time with sepsis and needing a blood transfusion so compared to that this has been a walk up in the park. I feel pretty stupid writing this but though ‘better to get it out there’. I’m feeling very depressed, it’s a combination of things, not being able to do stuff (I’ve been really strict this time as I don’t want to go through it a third time), being a bit stir crazy and (this is the worst thing) feeling like I’ve been violated. I feel like I’ve been butchered! Don’t get me wrong my (male) surgeon done an amazing job but I’m sliced from back to front and up in side too. I feel violated, that seems like a strong word but it’s the only way I can describe how I feel. I know it’s silly but I just don’t think i ever want anyone to go there again. My husband is very understanding thankfully and helps out too even though he works long hours. I feel bad in letting him do all this when I don’t look ‘ill’. It’s the depression I’m f8mding the hardest to deal with. Anyone else had this sort of experience?

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  • Posted

    Don't feel bad, you need time to get over this, it's such an intimate part of your body, and such an emotional operation to get over. 

    I just didn't want to see anyone for a few weeks afterwards, wanted to be alone and just curl up and let time pass.

    You will feel violated, in a way you have been and it's a shock to the system. Once you get home from hospital, which isn't long, you are left to get on with it. Though you've had surgery before, this one is different, and it's a hard one to get over. 

    You'll get there, just hang tight, and let hubby do the work, you're not well enough yet.x.

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  • Posted

    My heart goes out to you and you are not alone in feeling like this. I don't have a magic wand and I am only coming up to 3 weeks post op myself so can't say what I will feel like in 3 or 6 months time but these are the things that are helping me when the low feelings threaten to engulf me. I think back on how amazing my body has been to to get me this far in life and how it has recovered eventually from delivering 2 big beautiful daughters, over healed episiotomy scars, all manner of invasive procedures to investigate and treat womb, bladder and bowel disorders.

    I also think back at the progress I have made week by week (rather than day by day) - a few less painkillers, more comfortable walking and sitting. Progress is slow and almost imperceptible on a day by day basis  - but at the end of each week I can measure progress and this brings me hope.

    I find it better if I can get out of the house and although it is only perhaps once a week, if friends suggest popping round to see me, I say can you pick me up and I come to you.  Or instead of my husband dashing to the shops at the weekend to get supplies, I accompany him on at least one trip.  It means that I make a bit more of an effort and get out of the comfy loungewear and find my mascara, that in itself makes me feel a bit more feminine!

    Most of the time I have felt too fed up or uncomfortable or head fuzzy with the painkillers to bother with TV or even reading, but I have at least this week motivated myself to sort through my underwear drawer, do some admin which gives a satisfaction of sorts!

    I am starting to pencil somethings into the calendar for a few weeks time to look forward to, a trip to the theatre, a meal out with friends. 

    With time, our bodies will heal and our minds will hopefully move past the feelings of violation and we will enjoy them again. I remind myself that I never thought I would have sex again or enjoy it after my first baby 27 years ago and all the aftermath of the healing and scar tissue then. I might have added the menopause and prolapse repair to the list of things to overcome but our bodies are amazing. Lets give them a bit of time and tender care to recover to the best we can. Take care x

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  • Posted

    The pelvic floor us teaming with nerve endings (a very sensitive part of our bodies), so when you think about the kind of major surgery that we undergo it's not suprising that we feel kind of violated even though the surgery is for good reason.

    I keep trying to impress on ladies new to pelvic floor repairs the importance of resting and getting it right first time round as it is major surgery and the pelvic floor supports all the pelvic floor organs therefor the need to rest even if you feel great is so important to allow the tissues to heal properly.

    The thing is too that every time the pelvic floor fails it is that bit weaker.

    It is so depressing having to go through it all again and even worse if we have been very active in the past and now so restricted.

    Sometimes I feel that while I still think I'm 21 my body is telling me that I'm more like 101. All the resting and not overdoing things; unable to lift anything heavy and avoiding down pressure on the pelvic floor is weakening the rest of my body.

    I still do a couple of shifts at work which can be heavy but usually manage to avoid the heavy lifting, and manage to swim once or twice a week, I walk regular between half hour to an hour every week.

    Other than that housework still done it lots of small chunks avoiding heavier spring cleaning.

    Now over a year and a half from second lot of pelvic floor repairs and have not recovered as well as I did after first lot. I was so much more careful thus time during early weeks of recovery but this time went back to work much sooner so now believe that I went back to work far to soon this time and just font think it's worth taking chances but so little after support or care with regard to employee/employer situation.

    If and when this fails again I will not feel guilty when they have to pay me sick pay and if it can be repaired a third time I will be taking much longer off as well as being careful. The thing is at the end of the day it's our long term health that matters and if we don't want to be long term dependent on others then it's worth resting property to ensure proper healing.

    Please take care and don't feel bullied into doing too much too soon or returning to work before your body can cope with the down pressure.

    It's too easy to be lulled into false sense that we are allright when resting and not doing much, yet so easy to overdo things before we even realize we have done too much

    These repairs can and do fail if we cause down pressure on an already weak pelvic floor.

    X

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  • Posted

    You are not alone. I had anterior and posterior repair with a hysterectomy almost two years ago. My prudendal nerve was damaged during surgery and my anterior repair has failed. At the time I too could not even imagine anything going there ever again either.  When bathing I was afraid to even wash down there.  Violated is a good description. Just know things will get better.  It took my awhile but it is better.  Dreading going in for another surgery.  Hoping they can do it laparoscopic this time because I can't imagine going through what I did with the vaginal repair.  I'm sure damaging my nerve contributed to the pain and healing but that is also something I worry about happening if they have to repair vaginally again.  Hang in there and do remember things will get back to normal down there.  Wishing you the best of luck with your healing.

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    For what its worth, i think feeling down is quite 'normal'. Your body has been through a major trauma, your confidence has probably taken a huge knock as you second guess every move you make and every feeling, pain or symptom. Try to take it ridiculously easy and have faith in your mind and body's power to heal. It will take a long time, but eventually you'll feel stringer and more optimistic. 

    I'm just over the 6 month mark now and am finally beginning to feel hopeful that life will get back to some sort of normal for me. ( I had posterior, anterior and suspension with an uncomplicated recovery.)

    Hope you start to feel much better soon. Juli xx

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    • Posted

      For what its worth, I also think I should proofread before posting! 

      I meant stronger not 'stringer'!! smile

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