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feeling so low and flat

Posted , 5 users are following.

nichola99319
nichola99319

does anyone else feel very low and flat in mood during a flare up. I seem to be making the same mistakes, and overwhelming myself, i suffer with anxiety and as aprt of this i distract myself with things, and i also get bored easily too so look for things to occupy my mind.

over the last  12 months i have had a horse, and sold it due to ill health, i then bought a dog and then got into dog training till i had to give that up as it was too much, then i startde doing holistic courses, reiki, indian head massage etc, and i get obsessive with them, and start planning the next one.

but the point is, i overwhelm myself , but its usually to keep me busy and feel happy in life, and i love doing them at the time, but then i end up ill and giving them up to then move on to the next thing. i just cant help myself, and when i have a flare up i feel so low, really depressed. i do work full time, and manage to work, but struggle. i have anxiety and i think the obsessive activities take over to try deistract myself from anxiety grrr. I just wish i could be normal and stop overwhelming myself, and then  i wouldnt crash and feel so low. Its when i crash that i give up whaever activity i have been doing, but when well again i slowly start to find somwthing new to occupy my mind. catch 22.

0 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • MsGregor
    MsGregor nichola99319

    Posted

    Exact same process and situation here, Nichola. I work full time and manage ok but easily going low motivation or just too tired and distracted. I try to fill my free time with activities to not think too much and feel too miserable but then Im always tired and stressed. If I do let my body speak and take it easy I find that laying around at home or sleeping more doesn't really help, rather the contrary.
    • nichola99319
      nichola99319 MsGregor

      Posted

      exactly, its so hard, and such a vicious circle, to want to love live and have fun, anjoy activities, but then they make you ill, grrr
  • boni333
    boni333 nichola99319

    Posted

    I have the same problems, or I had them. Your lucky you can still work. I tried when I first got sick and it lasted about 3 months. All I do was work, go home and sleep and get up the next day and start over again. I found each day my exhaustion got worse til getting out of bed was to hard to do. If your working that might be all you can do and taking on other things may be to much.

    After being sick for 25 yrs I found out that if I push myself I'll crash. I can crash without over doing my self. Each day I have a few hours with some energy and pretty clear thinking and I try to do what I can then. Once I feel I'm losing energy I stop and rest the rest of the day with a nap everyday. When I do have a flare up I feel so low that all I can do is cry, which makes things worse. But I think it's normal to feel that way. Anyone with a chronic illness is low, sad and depressed. And I have no desire to do anything but stay in bed. I was also in counseling for a long time to help me deal and accept my illness and its limitations. I will be in anti depressants for the rest of my life.

    Once I learned and accept my illness I'm able to deal alot better. But I still get low and upset when I flare up. Hope this helps

    Bonnie

    • nichola99319
      nichola99319 boni333

      Posted

      thanks Bonnie, yes it does. I think i am trying to learn how to live with it, am very lucky that i can work, and was feeling great, so i guess i have just pushed myself too far, and then when you crash its just horrible, hate feeling so low and spaced out, cant think clear. make rubbish decisions because your feeling low, its another lesson learned. My Ot warned me, and i should of listened to her. Its hard , but i guess your right, working takes a lot of of people and so  i need to rest and forget everything else for now, hopefully one day when i recover, it will be a different story. But its been gradually getting worse over 14 years, so not sure if i will ever fully recover, i just tell myself this feeling wont last. Thanks so much xx
    • boni333
      boni333 nichola99319

      Posted

      I'm glad I could help you. Over the years since I was taken out of work and was bedridden for 3 yrs I have gotten better. I still crash all the time but I can get out of bed. I've done this by taking care of myself and listening to my body. I have a "window" where I have a bit of energy and clear thinking. I do what I can, usually it's doing one thing to clean the house. Then I sleep every afternoon and I don't get up til my body tells me, not my mind..lol. And I rest for the rest of the day. I don't have the life I want or what I had before getting sick, but I have some kind of life which is better then when I was in bed all those years. It's what I've been given and I had to accept it. It make me mad when I think of it but if I try to force things to go the I want, I'll be back in bed forever. I had alot of counseling to come to this way of thinking. Years it took.

      I also learned that if a person gets sick with this and get better within the first 5 years, they can move on. But if not we could be like this for a long time and most won't get better. I had to learn to stop expecting to get better, its a disappointment that keeps me sick. I believe I will never get better unless there's a break through in research, and I don't think that will happen in my lifetime. I was 38 when I got dx'd, I'm 61 now.

      Good luck

      Bonnie

    • nichola99319
      nichola99319 boni333

      Posted

      Thank you for sharing, i am so sorry you have it so bad, i wish there was a magic cure for it, i am definately positive about it and do try to live with it and enjoy life by modifying what i should and should not do. I am just that personaility type that tries too hard, puts too much pressure on self. And i get obsessive about whatever it is am doing, i nose dive into things unintentionally, and am very hard on myself too. BUt i need to realise its not all or nothing and there is an inbetween, somnthing i struggle with. xx
  • pixie22
    pixie22 nichola99319

    Posted

    I do things I enjoy, to keep my mood up, but i set myself strict limits beforehand, and stick to them. For instance I enjoy singing, so I belong to a Barbershop Chorus, but I leave rehearsals at 9 pm each week (they go on to 10pm) because I know any later would knock me out. I had to give up work, but I volunteer one afternoon a week at a Charity Shop. My advice is to find your limits and stick to them, pace yourself so you can keep going steadily and avoid the 'boom and bust' and find something you can enjoy doing in moderation. Life doesn't have to be all or nothing. Sorry if that sounds boring! Pixie
    • nichola99319
      nichola99319 pixie22

      Posted

      seee maybe this is where i am going wrong, i put too much unecessary pressure on self to do good, be good at somnthing, i have a perfectionist personaility in some things, and can get bit obsessive about them where they do end up slowly taking over my life, for instance i started reiki, and then within 2 months i was signed up for various other things, and then it hit me yesterday, why am i doiing these things, they cost a fortune and as much as i love learning, i physicallly have zero time to practice them on people. yet its the same pattern with me. I was same several months ago with dog training, i then had to be good at it and it slowly took over. i always end up stopping them becuase they stress me out in the end, its very much all or nothing personaility with me. But for once i am realising it, i just wish someone would say wow slow down, stop!!

      ​

  • jackie00198
    jackie00198 nichola99319

    Posted

    When I first got ill, I used to constantly push myself to do things. I had some horrible crashes as a result. Part of the reason I did this was because I just wasn't informed that you can't push your way out of the illness, gradually building stamina like "normal" people. My doctor even had me going to a gym to get better. And this was my specialist! The other part was because I'd always been so active, and I measured by worth by how many activities I could do in a day. That whole way of thinking ended with a terrible crash when I pushed myself to go on a trip and came back deathly ill. I began to shift the way I thought about the whole success/failure thing, and stopped being so hard on myself. Now I just take it easy and pace myself. I know I'm doing the best I can. Yeah, it's really lousy that I got this terrible illness. But I'm not going to let it wreck my whole life. 
    • nichola99319
      nichola99319 jackie00198

      Posted

      thanks jackie, my OT said its my personaility type that wil stop me from recovering, i am a people pleaser, and like to be good at things, so when i take on things i put my heart n soul into it, and they end up no matter what they are , taking over my life. Its been the same if i was on a diet, i would write out everything i ate dauily, and obsess over it, or if i did yoga years ago, i would try learn all poses n p[ractice them etc etc etc

      ​i know its silly, and i dont start out that way but it creeps up on me then swallows me till i have to stop. I have done mindfulness, but reallly not great at it, i practice meditation, gentle strestches, i do self work daily, and do gentle 20 mins walk with dog. So i guess i really should stop adding more stuff ionto my life. The reiki started out as a self healing thing, but then it spiralled into other stuff and quickly gets out of control.

      ​at least now i realises, and can just cut back xx

  • Bunnyhugger
    Bunnyhugger nichola99319

    Posted

    It's good to have hobbies that you can pick up when you feel up to it and let go when you do not.  When I feel antsy I often do extra exercise, but I don't put any pressure on myself to do it all the time.
    • nichola99319
      nichola99319 Bunnyhugger

      Posted

      your so right, and thats why i do it, it helps keep my mind occupied and feel good, i am not bored , but i need to learn to rein things in, i get excited and off i go with i will do this, and that etc etc. I get book, n more books to read, then feel overwhelmed. and i know its ridiculous, but i still do it. xx
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