Feeling stuck in a situation I have no control over!
Posted , 3 users are following.
I have been diagnosed as suffering from BPD (over 16 months ago), PTSD (literally 2 days ago) and RDD (over 30 months ago). I also suffer from what the psychiatric doctor and nurse say are visual and audio hallucinations but I know they arent hallucinations, they are real. I also suffer with low self-esteem, ZERO confidence, overthinking (constantly feels like my heads running a never-ending marathon), isolation (which I have caused by myself) and a huge list of symptoms. I do know that I deserve to suffer for what Ive done to myself. Next time I see her, I am going to ask the psychiatric doctor if she has diagnosed me correctly, I feel that there is something seriously wrong with me. 5 and 1/2 months ago, I came off all my meds because I felt like they werent working and the thought of being on meds for life totally freaked me out. After coming straight off the meds, I instantly felt worse and continued to get worse but I was adamant that I didnt want to go back on medication. However, 10 weeks ago after visiting my psychiatric nurse, she booked me an emergency appointment with the doctor as she claimed to be really concerned about me. Seeing the doctor made me feel extremely overwhelmed and I felt I couldnt talk to her about whats going on. She expressed her concerns and insisted that I started taking meds again. I protested and kept on protesting till the words in-patient hospital were mentioned. I hate hospitals so much. I reluctantly agreed to start new meds - 50mg Sertraline (Antidepressant) and 25mg Seroquil/Quetiapine (Antipsychotic). Over the space of 10 weeks, my meds have been slowly upped at 50mg (AD) and 25mg (AP) per time. Im now on 150mg Sertraline and 100mg Seroquil and I am getting upped again in 3 weeks to 200mg Sertraline and 125mg Seroquil. Ive also been put on a small dose of sleeping tablet - 5mg Stilnoct. I feel worse than I have ever felt. Sleep is poor, concetration is poor, my eating habits have increased way too much - I just cant stop eating. I crave sweet things. Ive put on 12lbs in 10 weeks which is not good and making me extremely unhappy. I am also becoming very forgetful recently (after I commenced on my new meds) - even putting on a wash for a 2 hour cycle without putting in washing powder. Thats not me - Ive never been like this before. So after all this, (sorry for a bit of background info) how long can Seroquel take to work? My doctor said weeks and yet I told her only yesterday its been 10 and nothing but Im getting worse. She said to give it a bit longer - yeah how much longer like? She also said that I am only on a middling dose of Sertraline and a relatively low dose of Seroquil. Sleep improved for 3 days after taking Seroquil and Stilnoct together at night (although I ended up with my heart beating extremely fast) then went back to what it was like before. Im completely drowning in this world. Also has anyone any tips on trying to get my psychiatric doctor and nurse off my back?
Thanks for reading this and Im sorry you had to read alot (which probably bored you all).
Id appreciate any tips, advice or whatever you want to say.
If there are any professionals out there, Id appreciate your imput too.
2 likes, 2 replies
stephie2 CharleyBM0607
Posted
Have you been assigned a mental health worker and a psychiatrist? I would contact your local mental health team if you have or if not your GP so that you can get some further help. You can also ask for a second opinion.
When you say the alleged hallucinations are real what do you mean? What makes you feel they are real and what kind of things are you seeing etc?
I would definitely get in touch with a mental health worker and if you feel really bad ring the crisis teams. If all else fails then go to A&E and they will put you in touch with the crisis out of hours team who will be able to help you too.
CharleyBM0607 stephie2
Posted
Hi Stephie,
First of all, thank you for your reply.
Yes I have a psychiatric nurse who I see every week (plus phonecalls during the weeks if I feel the need to talk) and I see a psychiatric doctor every 2-3 weeks. I have been under the Mental Health Team for a little over 2 and 1/2 years. The psychiatric doctors change every 6 months so I feel I have to keep going back over everything that the Team know. Its hard. Ive been seeing the nurse for a little over 19 months. I definitely havent got any better. I have indeed got worse.
The "alleged hallucinations" are not alleged - they are real. I see people who I know from my past - I moved to a different country 5 years ago to get away from them but theyve followed me and are in my country where they shouldnt be. They talk to me one minute and shout the next! I think they want to hurt me! I also hear voices, I know whos voices they are. They dictate to me what to say and what not to say. They force me to isolate myself. They say I am only allowed verbal contact with people they say I can talk to and when I dont listen they are aggressive. They hate me speaking to the psychiatric doctor and psychiatric nurse. Even typing this they are being aggressive, I must continue to push through it to try and get some sort of help because I know this is not a "normal" thing to be happening to someone.
I dont know whats really wrong with me whether it is in fact BPD, PTSD and RDD or something worse.
Im literally so confused by everything and Im tired of fighting.