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this is hard for me to type this cause this is the first time ive spoke about this to anyone. The last few years about the time i turn 18. I started feeling like anything i do or say is never good enough or just sounds stupid. Through school i had very few friends if any i never hangout at friends parties or at school events I was very anti-social. I never had a real realationship that lasted. I got made fun of about 90% of the time all the way through school until graduation. Unlike my other siblings i decided to go into the workforce instead of going into college. so my family started treating kinda different. They say they don't but to me it feels different like to there eyes I'm not good enough to them. When i turn 19 i got into contact with my biological father by the way he was never in my life; and all i wanted to know why he was never there for me.Then he started lying to me accusing of me of stuff that i didnt do. We lost contact; we haven't talked since. couple of monthes later i found out that he cares for two other kids thats not even his and he just met more than me. Made me feel like he didnt care and wasnt good enough to be his son. All my life all i wanted was to know why i was never good enough to be called his son for him to actually be there when i needed him the most but he cant be there for his new girlfriends kids. There more to it but its hard to put it into text. Now i feel like im alone cause im not the person my family wants me to be. Im feel like unwanted and not good enough cause the very few friends i did have dont want to hang out or my dad dont want to be in my life anymore. i just feel alone unsuccessful and unwanted. It has cause me to not be happy not to trust anyone anymore i don't want to be around anyone cause i feel stupid or worthless when im around people or my family. i lock myself in my room now and wonder if im worth anything to anyone and that i make my family happy if i disappeared. like i said its hard for me to put this into text cause this the first i talked about this to anyone. No one that knows me personally know how i feel about 100% of the time. i dont know if this is depression but if someone can give me some advice how to deal with this so i can feel like im worth something to my parents how to deal with feeling worthless and unwanted by my father. If you could seriously help please message me thank you.
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