Feeling worthless

Posted , 6 users are following.

So I'm 21 going into my third year of university, I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months after I felt unhappy and unappreciated trying to make myself happier.

I have depression and I have tried so hard to improve life so I don't have this episodes but this is my life as it stands:

I'm single and unwanted by anyone, I have no self esteem. (Before anyone says you only just broke up with your bf I have always had someone interested -I dont mean this in a big headed way- so this is what I mean)

I could turn off my phone an entire day and no one would care or notice, I literally could cease to live and no one would even notice. I feel like I have no friends and am just drowning. I would be lying if writing this now I hadnt considered doing something or ending it all, I feel like anytime I reach out to "friends" I am burdening them, no one understands. 

I honestly just have this voice in my head that screams how worthless I am all the time and how people would be better off without me, I wont have a job come September all I will have is university but that will just be lonely. 

I honestly don't have a clue what to do anymore, I try using faith to help me but sometimes even that doesnt work when you're constantly ignored and beat down.  Any advice?

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  • Posted

    Leah 72052 Try and get out join the clubs. The worst thing you can do is stay in your room. If you are in the dorm go to the common area there are sure to be other students there having the same problem. You can be a big help to freshman coming in they are probably pretrified being away from home the first time. Let them know that if they have any questions they can call you. Try to fake it so you appear to be earnest. In the long run. And doin't get upset and take that as a rejection. Sounds like you had your boyfriend to lean on. Get out there and take advantage of your situation. My son is having the opposite problem his fear of rejection has caused him to not even ask. He says all the girls have boyfriends. Maybe there are boys like him at your school that are going through the same thing. Also volunteer with the organizations on campus. Could be anything from handing out drinks or t-shirts to som of the church groups. Don't let the opportunity slip through your hands. You will not be going to school forever nor will you have that many people around you at one time without the office politics. Try not to be to needy and bare your soul up on the first meeting. That scares people off and stay away from the booze that can cause major problems in new relationships. Finally check out other organizations in the area the animal no kill shelters can always use volunteers to help walk the pups or sometimes just to hold them. Even habitat for humanity could use some help. And finally have fun and make the most of your adventure. You are only young once so get out there and make some memories good or bad.

     

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  • Posted

    Don't ever turn to drugs, and if you don't come out of your depression. Try therapy or counseling.

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  • Posted

    Have you discussed your problem with your GP. He can arrange treatment plan for you if required.

    When or have you taken your finals ?. Sometimes after exams some suffer depression because of the anticlimax of their examinations and finding that they feel deflated and low. This is quite normal as you enter another year at college or looking for that first job.

    If you are starting a new year AD medications can be counter productive as they have side effects that could effect your studies. The best way to sort out the problem is a course of CBT. That is  generally accompanied with medication.

    If you know what has caused your depression you are half way there and you can address your concerns. Could it be you are missing that interaction  with your ex partner ? Consider your life pathway, there could be something getting to you and making you have negative feelings

     

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  • Posted

    Hi Leah - sorry to read of your situation. I am wondering where the low self esteem originates from. You say there is a voice in your head screaming how worthless you are. Could this be echoes of your childhood? I would echo Borderriever's assertion that if you can find the root of yor depression you are on the way to solving it.

    No-one is worthless. You are young and preparing your future by going to Uni. Good on you! You are brave to voice your concern here and it will be an excellent strategy to get to the bottom of the way you are feeling so you know how to recognise it and deal with it now and into your long, bright future. Best of luck to you and let us all know how you are going.

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  • Posted

    Hello Leah

    Life at Uni can be hard especially if you have lost your Partner as I can imagine you would have been going out with other couples, now you must be looking for alternative ways of making new friends.

    All I can suggest is that you take on an activity at Uni and you will meet like minded people there.

    When you were with your boyfriend I suppose you would discuss your worries and fears together and now you have no-one to do that with. Uni can be rough and a sounding board is an important source of support.

    Could you also talk to your Social Team at Uni or your GP. You are a smart person going to Uni to plan out your future, you are in your third year so I would generally say if you can avoid them medications can cause problems with memory or/ and concentration, CBT may help although I feel hopefully your life will settle soon

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  • Posted

    I really dont condone suicide, but I do think about it all the time.  "How will it effect anyone?" "I don't want to feel this pain anymore" etc.  What stops me from doing it is looking to the future and saying to myself it can't get worse than this (it OBVIOUSLY can but, the feeling could be less impactful with some help) I was diagnosed with MDD about a year ago, I started skipping my college classes, never left my room for weeks at a time, and got to the point were speaking to someone was like running a marathon.  Isolationg yourself and allowing those thoughts to just brew will only make things worse, go out!  Go to a gym, a club, make someone care about you.  You are ahead of me, at least you had a realtionship so you must look decent, get a better boyfriend who won't leave

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